Kinot for COVID - Tisha BAv 5781

These are to be said for our sins of the past two years. Nobody else put this out, so we did it for you to be able to say how shameful we are, and to feel more guilt this Tisha BAv.

*Written by Reb Mendelchem of Topeka to the acrostic of anger

We have been stuck in our homes.
Like a child who musteth see her parents every day.
​Woe. What has befallen us.
Woe to having to yell at your siblings.

We have had to hear people say 'During these times' for the past year and a half.
Woe. What has befallen this annoyance.

Minyin has dwindled.
Woe to those who love not going to shul.
Woe. What has happened to people using a pandemic to get out of services.
Woe to those who say that shuls are open. You're ruining people's lives. Shame.

Have not seen anybody's face. 
We thought we knew them. We were shocked.
Woe to those who think they know somebody else before their mask comes off.
Woe. What has befallen dating in 'these times.'
Woe to the chinith that hasith doubled.

Israel is closed again.
We have had to spend the last year and a half eating frozen falafel balls.
Woe. What has happened to all the restaurants I used to love.
Woe. Woe. Woe. 

Stimulus checks.
Woe to those who think going back to work is a good idea. 
Woe. What has befallen these fools who don't appreciate vacation.

​The most social day of the year is Tisha BAv.
Woe. What has befallen greeting people during these times.
Like a woman screaming at me for not wearing a mask.
Woe. What has befallen us.

We had to stay six feet away from everything.
Woe to those who don't know what six feet is.
Shame. Shame uponeth them. Castigation uponeth them. Shall they never shopeth again.

We have judged others who smile.
Woe to those who try to be friendly.
Shame. Shame uponeth them.

We have said 'Shalom' and been castigated.
Woe uponeth those who are friendly in 'these times.'

One should not greet on Tisha BAv.
Woe. The Second Temple was destroyed because people didn't get along.
​Woe. How does that work.
Woe to those who are not rude.
Woe beith the Tisha BAv that fits in with 'these times.'

Had to celebrate all Simchas outside.
Woe unto those who did notith put up tents.
Woe to rain at every event.
Woe. What has happened to warming of the earth.

We had to hear different ideas of what this pandemic is every day.
Woe. Why do people listen to their government.
Woe to anybody who tells me what to do. May they be six feeteth away so they don't get hurt.

Woe to any of my friends who told me that I was not keeping the laws of COVID correctly.
Woe unto those who keep the laws of COVID but don't keep Shabbat.
Woe. What has happened to people becoming very annoying.

Woe to those who have not beeneth vaccinated.
Let the wrath of the heavens poureth uponeth them. Lest they decide to go outside and be people.

The gym has been closed.
​That is my excuse.
Woe. What has happened to putting on weight when I am not eating.
I have barely eaten anything.
Woe. How does that happen.
Woe to the chinith that hasith doubled.

The closing of nursing facilities.
Woe to anyone who hugs a loved one over the age of 50.
Shame and wrath be uponeth them.

People who love their grandparents. Shame! Shame upon you!
Woe to all who feel grandparents are important.
Woe to all who thinketh they should not die.
Woe. What has happened to people caring. Shame be uponeth them.

This is the worst thing that has ever happened.
Woe to anybody who says that. May they be smacked and their mask removedeth from uponeth them.

Kids have been at home, learning less from school than Nickelodeon.
Schools open five days awake.
Who said that. Shameth. Shameth be uponeth them.

Double masking.
Woe. What has happened to not suffocating one's self.
Woe to our glasses that are notith fogging up.

CDC guidelines.
Woe. What are they and why do we careth.
Woe to my dentist who made me wear my mask. I still don't know how they got to my teeth.
Woe. How is a dentist to do their job when following CDC guidelines.

Zoom.
Woe. What has happened to people listening to what is going on.
Woe unto those who still use social media as an excuse to not show up to the Simcha.
Woe. What has happened to pants.
Woe to anybody who asks somebody else on a Zoom call if they have been vaccinated. You cannot ban them from social media too.

We have seen people who haven't shaved in months. 
Is Shloshim not thirty days. Have we notith passed the pandemic of masking.
Woe. What has happened to people shaving.
Woe. Woe. Woe. How much more must we mourn. 
Woe to the chinith that hasith doubled.

Woe. What has happened to being able to cough and not being looked at as evil.
Woe to those who sneezeth in public. 
Woe. Shame uponeth those who have allergies. Shame. Vaccinateth uponeth them.

A year of supermarkets being the only place we could goeth.
Woe. What has happenedeth to the local convenience store with the guy who sneezes.

We have sanitized everything.
Woe unto those who do not wipe down everything.
Shame. Shame. Shame to those who don't use Purell.
Woe. Why does Purell runeth our government.
Woe. Why does the person cleaning the shul never vacuum. 
Woe. Why doeseth the Siddur need to be sanitized daily.

Woe. What has happened to the washing of hands.
Woe. What has happened to our rituals.

Like a child who must listen to the same jokes about COVID and Zoom from every person they meet. 
It is because of our sins that our senseth of humor has been exiled.
Woe. What has befallen us during 'these times.'