The price of Matzah keeps going up, but it's definitely not because of inflation.
You get it? The dough doesn't inflate, because it's Matzah. People who wear Techeiles are part of a fringe group. You get it? The Techeiles are the blue fringes (not worn by all), that are added to the Tzitizs/Tallis, which are also known as fringes. I bought a pair of Tzitzis for an unbelievable price. No strings attached. You get it? Tzitizs/Tallis is the four cornered garment with strings on the edges. Maybe he had to attach the Tztizis himself. Or maybe it was a good clean price. Who knows? Moderna is the vaccine for people who are Yeshivish, but use the internet. You get it? Yeshivish people (known in Israel as Charedi) are called modern when they use a computer or watch TV. Moderna is the vaccine... 'Moderna' even sounds a bit like Hebrew. J&J is the vaccine for Jews who keep strict Kosher, and don’t want Chazaras haShots. You get it? J&J is a food company known for their Cholov Yisrael dairy products, which ensures that pigs are not used for milk. Chazer is a pig. Chazer also means to return. Chazaras Hashatz is the repetition of the Amidah in shul. 'Chazaras HaShots' means Returning for shots. That's an extra pun in the same joke... There are so many levels here. (We have nothing for Pfeizer other than that it sounds like a Jewish name) How do Israelis ask for seconds, around Lag BOmer time, during the reading of VaYikra? "Ehhh More?" (Rabbi Avi's) You get it? Many Israelis make the 'ehhh' sound before sentences, and Emor is the name of the Parsha read at this time. Brilliant. What do you call slaves with bad teeth? Indentured servants. (Rabbi Mendel’s) You get it? Yovel and Shmitah, in the Parsha, talks about freeing indentured servants. People with bad teeth have dentures. They're teeth are indentured. Where did the wandering Israelites go to drink? Bamidbar. (Rabbi Mendel’s) You get it? Bamidbar means 'in the desert' and 'mid' is there and 'bar' is too. Like a bar in the middle of the desert. It's almost a Hebrew pun, almost an English pun. It works. Watch. Say 'Bamidbar' again, slowly. Enunciate. Now it's funny. Tags:
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Mordechai Stein
6/6/2021 01:10:45 am
My shul is looking for a seasoned chazzan to lead the prayers on Rosh Hashana. Applicants should disclose how much salt, pepper and other spices they are wearing. Leave a Reply. |
This has been a good year Shofar. You get it? So far. Shofar. The guy had a lisp. He was positive. He said it before Rosh Hashana, which was a little early. But that’s what positive thinkers do. 
Siman/im- a) Known as signs, this is when Jews get violent with fruit on Rosh Hashana, as food can be used for desert and to curse our enemies. As we’re not violent, we summon H’ to do this for us with vegetation such as kiwi and dates. Sentence: ‘May it by Thy will… our enemies die like a pomegranate… May our enemies be juiced.’ b) The reason I had nightmares on Rosh Hashana, about cabbage.
Comedy in Crisis… Yes! A stand-up show about sickness! Three years in the waiting room and David shares the reality of love, hardship and joy with you in laughs.
Thursday - Sept. 17 @ 7pm Wednesday - Sept. 23 @ 8pm Club SOTA @ School of The Arts- 46 Prince St.- Rochester, NY For Tickets Click Here 
The Talmud (Keritut 6a) encourages us to eat symbolic food on Rosh Hashana because “symbolism has meaning.” Thus, we focus on puns about carrots to connect to H’. We focus our prayers on what happens to our enemies who don’t keep pomegranates. Pomegranates means Mitzvahs. Good Jews understand this, as they know how to curse out enemies with vegetation.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
6/3/2021
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