The price of Matzah keeps going up, but it's definitely not because of inflation.
You get it? The dough doesn't inflate, because it's Matzah. People who wear Techeiles are part of a fringe group. You get it? The Techeiles are the blue fringes (not worn by all), that are added to the Tzitizs/Tallis, which are also known as fringes. I bought a pair of Tzitzis for an unbelievable price. No strings attached. You get it? Tzitizs/Tallis is the four cornered garment with strings on the edges. Maybe he had to attach the Tztizis himself. Or maybe it was a good clean price. Who knows? Moderna is the vaccine for people who are Yeshivish, but use the internet. You get it? Yeshivish people (known in Israel as Charedi) are called modern when they use a computer or watch TV. Moderna is the vaccine... 'Moderna' even sounds a bit like Hebrew. J&J is the vaccine for Jews who keep strict Kosher, and don’t want Chazaras haShots. You get it? J&J is a food company known for their Cholov Yisrael dairy products, which ensures that pigs are not used for milk. Chazer is a pig. Chazer also means to return. Chazaras Hashatz is the repetition of the Amidah in shul. 'Chazaras HaShots' means Returning for shots. That's an extra pun in the same joke... There are so many levels here. (We have nothing for Pfeizer other than that it sounds like a Jewish name) How do Israelis ask for seconds, around Lag BOmer time, during the reading of VaYikra? "Ehhh More?" (Rabbi Avi's) You get it? Many Israelis make the 'ehhh' sound before sentences, and Emor is the name of the Parsha read at this time. Brilliant. What do you call slaves with bad teeth? Indentured servants. (Rabbi Mendel’s) You get it? Yovel and Shmitah, in the Parsha, talks about freeing indentured servants. People with bad teeth have dentures. They're teeth are indentured. Where did the wandering Israelites go to drink? Bamidbar. (Rabbi Mendel’s) You get it? Bamidbar means 'in the desert' and 'mid' is there and 'bar' is too. Like a bar in the middle of the desert. It's almost a Hebrew pun, almost an English pun. It works. Watch. Say 'Bamidbar' again, slowly. Enunciate. Now it's funny. Tags:
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Mordechai Stein
6/6/2021 01:10:45 am
My shul is looking for a seasoned chazzan to lead the prayers on Rosh Hashana. Applicants should disclose how much salt, pepper and other spices they are wearing. Leave a Reply. |
How do we know Rachel paid her maidservant? She’d Bilhah. You get it? Bilhah. Bill her. Rachel’s maid was Bilhah. Zilpah didn’t charge Leah. How do we know that? Because she didn’t Bilhah. Thank you. See how I brought that pun back around for you. 
My kitchen. I keep them. Never use them. But I keep them. Must have at least three hundred paper bags. One for each time I go shopping without a plastic bag. And that’s how I help the world, saving the environment. Tikun Olam. The question
International stand-up comedian, David Kilimnick, brings The Humor Hour of laughs to the resident seniors at your facility…
Also book David (Israel's "father of Agnlo comedy") for your shul Stand-up night and community Comedy Kumzits Singalong Show- To Book David to bring the joy and laughs contact [email protected]
(Pirkei Avot 5:10) “One who says ‘what’s mine is mine and yours is yours’ is a regular person.” That sounds right. Regular people say stupid stuff. And we’re not talking about somebody who doesn’t share their Milk of Magnesia.
“And some say it’s the Sodom character trait.” Your not sharing Sunkist fruit gems destroys. Like Sodom, you’re selfish. You don’t invite people to your house. You don’t give to the poor. And you take all the choolante meat at Kiddish. Sorry. I was just at a Bar Mitzvah. It’s the “all about me” attitude. And that’s how regular people are. Regular people never share their gummies. And that’s why Sodom got destroyed. And that dad was right for armbaring the kid who didn’t share the Bar Mitzvah fruit gem bags. Lesson of Love: By sharing your Paskesz, you can save the world. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
6/3/2021
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