Jewish Puns: Mordechai's Shivin Punim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

The price of Matzah keeps going up, but it's definitely not because of inflation. 
You get it? The dough doesn't inflate, because it's Matzah.

People who wear Techeiles are part of a fringe group.  
You get it? The Techeiles are the blue fringes (not worn by all), that are added to the Tzitizs/Tallis, which are also known as fringes. 

I bought a pair of Tzitzis for an unbelievable price. No strings attached. 
You get it? Tzitizs/Tallis is the four cornered garment with strings on the edges. Maybe he had to attach the Tztizis himself. Or maybe it was a good clean price. Who knows? 

Moderna is the vaccine for people who are Yeshivish, but use the internet.
You get it? Yeshivish people (known in Israel as Charedi) are called modern when they use a computer or watch TV. Moderna is the vaccine... 'Moderna' even sounds a bit like Hebrew.

J&J is the vaccine for Jews who keep strict Kosher, and don’t want Chazaras haShots. 
You get it? J&J is a food company known for their Cholov Yisrael dairy products, which ensures that pigs are not used for milk. Chazer is a pig. Chazer also means to return. Chazaras Hashatz is the repetition of the Amidah in shul. 'Chazaras HaShots' means Returning for shots. That's an extra pun in the same joke... There are so many levels here. 
(We have nothing for Pfeizer other than that it sounds like a Jewish name)
 
How do Israelis ask for seconds, around Lag BOmer time, during the reading of VaYikra? "Ehhh More?" (Rabbi Avi's)
You get it? Many Israelis make the 'ehhh' sound before sentences, and Emor is the name of the Parsha read at this time. Brilliant.
 
What do you call slaves with bad teeth? Indentured servants. (Rabbi Mendel’s)
You get it? Yovel and Shmitah, in the Parsha, talks about freeing indentured servants. People with bad teeth have dentures. They're teeth are indentured. 

Where did the wandering Israelites go to drink? Bamidbar. (Rabbi Mendel’s)
You get it? Bamidbar means 'in the desert' and 'mid' is there and 'bar' is too. Like a bar in the middle of the desert. It's almost a Hebrew pun, almost an English pun. It works. Watch. Say 'Bamidbar' again, slowly. Enunciate. Now it's funny.