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The price of Matzah keeps going up, but it's definitely not because of inflation.
You get it? The dough doesn't inflate, because it's Matzah. People who wear Techeiles are part of a fringe group. You get it? The Techeiles are the blue fringes (not worn by all), that are added to the Tzitizs/Tallis, which are also known as fringes. I bought a pair of Tzitzis for an unbelievable price. No strings attached. You get it? Tzitizs/Tallis is the four cornered garment with strings on the edges. Maybe he had to attach the Tztizis himself. Or maybe it was a good clean price. Who knows? Moderna is the vaccine for people who are Yeshivish, but use the internet. You get it? Yeshivish people (known in Israel as Charedi) are called modern when they use a computer or watch TV. Moderna is the vaccine... 'Moderna' even sounds a bit like Hebrew. J&J is the vaccine for Jews who keep strict Kosher, and don’t want Chazaras haShots. You get it? J&J is a food company known for their Cholov Yisrael dairy products, which ensures that pigs are not used for milk. Chazer is a pig. Chazer also means to return. Chazaras Hashatz is the repetition of the Amidah in shul. 'Chazaras HaShots' means Returning for shots. That's an extra pun in the same joke... There are so many levels here. (We have nothing for Pfeizer other than that it sounds like a Jewish name) How do Israelis ask for seconds, around Lag BOmer time, during the reading of VaYikra? "Ehhh More?" (Rabbi Avi's) You get it? Many Israelis make the 'ehhh' sound before sentences, and Emor is the name of the Parsha read at this time. Brilliant. What do you call slaves with bad teeth? Indentured servants. (Rabbi Mendel’s) You get it? Yovel and Shmitah, in the Parsha, talks about freeing indentured servants. People with bad teeth have dentures. They're teeth are indentured. Where did the wandering Israelites go to drink? Bamidbar. (Rabbi Mendel’s) You get it? Bamidbar means 'in the desert' and 'mid' is there and 'bar' is too. Like a bar in the middle of the desert. It's almost a Hebrew pun, almost an English pun. It works. Watch. Say 'Bamidbar' again, slowly. Enunciate. Now it's funny. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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Mordechai Stein
6/6/2021 01:10:45 am
My shul is looking for a seasoned chazzan to lead the prayers on Rosh Hashana. Applicants should disclose how much salt, pepper and other spices they are wearing.
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A well put together cover page for a Jewish newspaper. I knew I was reading a Frum Jewish newspaper, as they found a way to fit 28 ads on the cover page. And the feature article is an ad for Amor jewelry... A properly written Jewish magazine should be advertisements. I once read a non-religious magazine, and I felt like a sinner when I read an article to only find there was no phone number at the end of it. I felt defiled… It’s a shame the Amor ad is so big. They could’ve got another 20 ads in.
(Shulchan Aurch 568:1) One who eats by accident on a fast must continue fasting. Making for a three hour fast to fully mourn the Churban of the Temples. I believe that break between meals fully calls to heart the true yearning of my soul over the loss of the Batei Mikdash... You can't eat once you remember you sinned, as one who committed a sin can't commit a second by snacking once they're already full.
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