They were piercing ears of slaves into doors so often, it turned into such a bore. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A bore means boring. It also means to make a hole in something. They bored ears of slaves who wanted to remain slaves. It's boring to have to see people boring ears all the time. Education. When building the cover for the ark the first guy used cabbage. He heard Keruvim. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? A keruv is a cabbage. Keruv is one of the images on the ark cover. Keruvim is the two of them, and also two cabbages. Hebrew puns are great. And they are also sacrilegious. My kids take after me. Due to Kibud Av vEim, they always let me take first. (Mordechai) You get it? ‘Take after me' means to be like their dad. Instead, they let their dad fill his plate first, as per the Mitzvah to honor parents. Very good kids. If we can have a positive influence on the next generation with our puns, that is the blessing. They said, 'Our Mora DAsra should not put a string around the Kehillah for carrying.' They didn‘t want their rabbi should be Eruv Rav. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Mora DAsra is a rabbi. The string helps in making an Eruv. Eruv Rav, the mixed multitudes. I have no idea what the mixed multitudes are. But it's the Eruv Rav, if that helps. They heard the Mishkan needed copper vessels, so some of the Jews donated a copper ship. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? They used copper in the Mishkan for vessels. Ships are also called vessels. At one time, many ships used copper in their construction. Vessels have different meanings. Mike Lindell is making too much money off this war, selling Gaza Dream Sheets. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Mike Lindell is the My Pillow Guy. He sells Giza Dream Sheets. Gaza was mixed with Giza. They almost sound the same. Giza isn‘t far from Israel, and cotton is an industry. He wouldn't stop talking, saying it's Purim and there is a Mitzvah of Megillah. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? A Megillah is when someone rambles on and on. On Purim, we're required to hear Megillat Esther, not Baruch‘s story about his new car. Both Megillahs. Tags:
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If somebody at the Seder tells you the salt water is low in sodium, take it with a grain of salt. You get it? Salt has sodium. So, take more salt. Whatever you need to do to make the Seder more meaningful, by making things harder to eat, do it. We bring our puns to add to your Passover experience. If you’re the one who made the salt water, you can share the joy of Mordechai’s pun, while handing someone a grain of salt. When delivering puns, always ask, “What would Mordechai do?” Oh. "Take it with a grain of salt" means don't take it to heart. Now you get the pun. 
I did not clean that shelf last year. The mushrooms might not be fresh. Yet, that can is sealed nice and tight. I am at an impasse… Thank Gd for Pesach. I’m must’ve not got to that cupboard since 2008.
That’s why those cans are good. They remind you how long it’s been since you cleaned. 
Click on the picture for tickets to share laughs with David Kilimnick in Jerusalem on Thursday, February 12th
Due to leaving Mitzrayim in haste, we are commanded to eat Matzah, a “poor man’s bread” (Devarim 16:3). I am fulfilling that Mitzvah. After purchasing Shmura Matzah, I’m out of money.
Let me explain. Though it's a poor man's bread, Shmura Matzah can be very expensive. The boxed machine Matzah, sold at a dollar-fifty a pound, is probably what the Torah was talking about. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
3/27/2024
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