How do you know that it's a mitzvah to drink soda on Shabbos? Because it says in davening: תקנתה שבת רציתה קרבנותיה 'Ratzita Carbonteha (your sacrifices).' (Mordechai)
You get it? 'Your carbon is wanted.' A carbonated carbon. Same word. Different languages. Brilliant pun. Maybe sacrifices were carbonated. You don't know. I didn't have time to bring Karbanot. Sometimes, you have to make sacrifices. (Mordechai) You get it? Karbanot are sacrifices (even if now we decided to spell it with a 'k', and it was with a 'c' a sentence ago). He should've made a sacrifice, finding time to bring the sacrifice. Sacrifices take sacrifices. Since the beginning of Elul, the blowing has been good Shofar. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? So far. Shofar. Instead so far, we wrote 'Shofar.' The Shofar is the horn we blow. They wanted to clean the silver on the Torah. Instead, they Polished it. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? People from Poland are Polish. They should‘ve polished the silver. Nobody knows what it means. Maybe put a Polish person on it. If you're Polish, we do not mean to offend you. At the Kibbitzer, we are sure that many Polish know how to polish very well. And we are also sure that many Polish people are very bad at polishing. We don't discriminate. In what month does light shine out of the table? Tish-ray. (Mordechai) You get it? Tishrei is the Jewish month. A Tish is a table in Yiddish. Ray coming out of the table. It‘s because of all the holidays in Tishrei, that it shines. Education. Puns are about education. When you build a Sukkah, you have to have the right in-tent. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Intent. In tent. The Sukkah is a tent. You also need to have the right intent, Kavanah, when building a Sukkah. It all comes together in a pun.. Adam and Chava ate a lot of apples to fulfill the Mitzah to be fruitful. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? We are told to be fruitful and multiply. Apples are a fruit. They‘re told to not eat from the Tree of Knowledge. They ate. So much here. Levels. Tags:
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How many people died when the fire came down on Sedom? A Lot. You get it? A lot. But this a Lot. Lot was saved by the angel/s. They spent a Lot of time getting him out of Sedom. I have no idea how a Lot works with a lot. To help, Lot is not pronounced like “lot.” That also doesn’t help the pun. If Keanu Reeves would’ve said this in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, it would’ve work. 
Why not? Lines. Who needs lines?... That’s how people park at our shul.
You leave an opening at the disabled spot, somebody else might be able to use it. Set a precedent. 
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In Sefer Ta’amei HaMinhagim, Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak Sperling teaches that because it says in Shabbat Musaf “Those who savor it will merit life,” it’s a Minhag to eat before Shabbis. That’s what Frum guys told their wives 150 years ago so they could eat choolante earlier. Before Shabbat. Which the wife was saving for the guests.
Some would say that these words in Shabbat Musaf are talking about the showbread. But it would seem the men of the time would rather eat some potato kugel and Kokosh cake. The men who came up with the Minhag could’ve quoted the next part of the line “and also, those who love its speech have chosen greatness,” but that wouldn’t help anybody with their hankering. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
10/18/2023
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