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Noah didn't think it was a bad thing when H‘ said the world is full of Hamas. That can be tasty. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? It was full of Hamas. Evil, thievery... Noah thought H‘ was talking about Chumus. Had to do the Humus Hamas joke this year. It's in the Parsha. For all our kids out there, please know: Humus isn't evil. Avraham built a Mizbe‘ach to H‘ once he got to Canaan, as he had altar motives. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Ulterior motives. A Mizbe‘ach is an altar. Avraham was promised the land will be for his progeny. Then, he built an altar. Altar motives. Not ulterior motives. They sound the same. Just with less syllables. I got a letter from my Palestinian friend that said he misses me. I wrote back, ‘Cause you have terrible aim.’ (Mordechai) You get it? Misses. He’s shooting rockets at me. Yaakov’s brother was always deceptive when playing cards. He’d just say, ‘Esav.’ (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? That‘s his name. When you‘re playing cards and that‘s all they say, you don‘t know if it‘s an ace of diamonds, an ace of hearts, spades... You don't know. He's only saying 'Esav.' Not very helpful. I didn’t buy my kids any gifts this past Chanukah. I felt so much gelt. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Gelt is money. Chanukah gelt is a tradition. It sounds like guilt. I felt bad that my kids got no Chanukah gifts, but I had a lot of money. I had gelt because I didn‘t spend it on gifts. Gifts from the heart cost a lot in the month of Kislev. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Chanukah is in Kislev. Kis means pocket and Lev, heart. This is about understanding money comes from the heart, and Chanukah gifts are from the heart and expensive. The month is why we buy gifts. Puns are better bilingual and when not a joke. My friend told me he needed Sufganiot. I said, 'That's how you make the doughnuts.' (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? It works in audible form. To work, you must say ‘needed,‘ not ‘kneaded.‘ Sufganiot need dough, which you knead. Again. Another pun. The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
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What did the people of Sedom learn? Gomorrah. You get it? Sedom and Gomorroah. Gemara is what we learn. Gomorrah was wicked with Shechem. They wouldn’t have been wicked if they learned Gemara. This pun doesn’t work in Hebrew, as it’s Amorah. Amorahs are rabbis who wrote the Gemara. A very confusing pun. Sometimes, you have to leave the people not understanding what the point of the pun is. If you don't ask, it's free. They wanted 24nis for a kilo of eggplant. I took it and didn't even have to pay. I've never been so happy shopping at the Shuk. I feel like I got a great deal… With this new shopping technique, I feel like I will save a lot of money.
Visiting the sick takes away 1/60th of their pain (Nedarim 39b). That’s how little it helps. The annoyance of you being there, they feel the 59/60th. They feel that a lot.
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12/13/2023
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