Jewish Puns XIX: Mordechai’s Shivim Punim LaTorah

Noah didn't think it was a bad thing when H‘ said the world is full of Hamas. That can be tasty. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? It was full of Hamas. Evil, thievery... Noah thought H‘ was talking about Chumus. Had to do the Humus Hamas joke this year. It's in the Parsha. For all our kids out there, please know: Humus isn't evil.

Avraham built a Mizbe‘ach to H‘ once he got to Canaan, as he had altar motives. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Ulterior motives. A Mizbe‘ach is an altar. Avraham was promised the land will be for his progeny. Then, he built an altar. Altar motives. Not ulterior motives. They sound the same. Just with less syllables.
 
I got a letter from my Palestinian friend that said he misses me. I wrote back, ‘Cause you have terrible aim.’ (Mordechai)
You get it? Misses. He’s shooting rockets at me.
 
Yaakov’s brother was always deceptive when playing cards. He’d just say, ‘Esav.’ (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? That‘s his name. When you‘re playing cards and that‘s all they say, you don‘t know if it‘s an ace of diamonds, an ace of hearts, spades... You don't know. He's only saying 'Esav.' Not very helpful.

I didn’t buy my kids any gifts this past Chanukah. I felt so much gelt. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Gelt is money. Chanukah gelt is a tradition. It sounds like guilt. I felt bad that my kids got no Chanukah gifts, but I had a lot of money. I had gelt because I didn‘t spend it on gifts.

Gifts from the heart cost a lot in the month of Kislev. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Chanukah is in Kislev. Kis means pocket and Lev, heart. This is about understanding money comes from the heart, and Chanukah gifts are from the heart and expensive. The month is why we buy gifts. Puns are better bilingual and when not a joke.

My friend told me he needed Sufganiot. I said, 'That's how you make the doughnuts.' (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? It works in audible form. To work, you must say ‘needed,‘ not ‘kneaded.‘ Sufganiot need dough, which you knead. Again. Another pun.