I was in such a rush to put on my Tefilin this morning, I didn't take off my watch first. I was strapped for time. (Mordechai)
You get it? Tefillin straps. Strapped for time... The Tefillin straps over the watch. Strapped for time with Tefillin and a watch. You get it. At least the plague of locusts wasn't very expensive. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Locust. Low cost. Very close if they were pronounced the same. The plague of grasshoppers would be expensive. Should that read, 'The eighth plague wasn't very expensive. It was locust'? Puns are about education. Not about being funny. He was alone in his house with nothing to do, so he took out a date. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? The date date joke. Nothing more timeless than the date date joke. Works every holiday. And opening a date is an activity. Especially with a date. Such a good pun. Timeless. I bought a Jewish papercut. It Hebrew letters and a lot of blood. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Papercuts are a type of art, where they cut paper. Paper cuts also hurt, can go deep and draw a lot of blood. Jewish papercuts are usually in Hebrew. Not that they form a Hebrew letter on the hand when they cut you. The slave wanted to stay after seven years. Thirsty, he asked for lintel soup. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? If they stay, they have to have their ear pierced to the doorpost. Lintels are part of that. Lentil soup. Lintel soup. Close enough. Esav reference. The slave mixed up doors and soup. We all do it. And lintels are tasty when you add garlic. Is the shul looking for a people who likes bread? Then why do they keep asking for donations. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Dough. Bread is made of do. A nation is a people. Do-nation. Dough-nation when spelled wrong. Nation full of dough. I'll explain. Who was the heaviest guy in the Megilah? Bigton. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Bigton and Teresh wanted to kill the king. Big and ton together. Both mean large. That's a mean name for somebody. I know it's not nice to make fun of somebody's heaviness, but Bigton wasn't a good guy. Tags:
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What’s an ant that wants family to be at their wedding? A cantaloupe! You get it? An antelope would be an ant that can elope. Science. This one can't. Hence, cantaloupe. It's a religious ant. C-ant-aloupe. Not the fruit. A type of ant. Ant is in there, in the middle. The ant can't elope. It's a religious ant. Wants her family to be there. And she likes fruit. That ant that shows up at the wedding is your mother’s sister that doesn’t hate you. 
Chason/Chatan- A man whose family members tell him, after the wedding, that his life will change. Sentence: ‘Now your decisions aren’t yours.’ Said by his uncle, to remind him that his uncle made a bad decision and he regrets it. Another Sentence: ‘Just remember these words: “I am sorry.”’ Response: A required laugh, from everybody who already heard Uncle Tivi say this at every Sheva Brachot. Response from the Chatan: ‘Why did nobody mention this until now?! Would you not think this is something you would have brought up before the wedding?!
Comedy in Crisis… Yes! A stand-up show about sickness! Three years in the waiting room and David shares the reality of love, hardship and joy with you in laughs.
Thursday - Sept. 17 @ 7pm Wednesday - Sept. 23 @ 8pm Club SOTA @ School of The Arts- 46 Prince St.- Rochester, NY For Tickets Click Here 
(Nidda 30b) Before birth you learn all of Torah. And then an angel comes hits you on your mouth, and you forget it. We learn much from this comforting teaching, knowing how easily we forget stuff. And this is why I did bad in Gemara class. We also learn that angels have a very violent temper.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
3/7/2023
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