I was in such a rush to put on my Tefilin this morning, I didn't take off my watch first. I was strapped for time. (Mordechai)
You get it? Tefillin straps. Strapped for time... The Tefillin straps over the watch. Strapped for time with Tefillin and a watch. You get it. At least the plague of locusts wasn't very expensive. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Locust. Low cost. Very close if they were pronounced the same. The plague of grasshoppers would be expensive. Should that read, 'The eighth plague wasn't very expensive. It was locust'? Puns are about education. Not about being funny. He was alone in his house with nothing to do, so he took out a date. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? The date date joke. Nothing more timeless than the date date joke. Works every holiday. And opening a date is an activity. Especially with a date. Such a good pun. Timeless. I bought a Jewish papercut. It Hebrew letters and a lot of blood. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Papercuts are a type of art, where they cut paper. Paper cuts also hurt, can go deep and draw a lot of blood. Jewish papercuts are usually in Hebrew. Not that they form a Hebrew letter on the hand when they cut you. The slave wanted to stay after seven years. Thirsty, he asked for lintel soup. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? If they stay, they have to have their ear pierced to the doorpost. Lintels are part of that. Lentil soup. Lintel soup. Close enough. Esav reference. The slave mixed up doors and soup. We all do it. And lintels are tasty when you add garlic. Is the shul looking for a people who likes bread? Then why do they keep asking for donations. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Dough. Bread is made of do. A nation is a people. Do-nation. Dough-nation when spelled wrong. Nation full of dough. I'll explain. Who was the heaviest guy in the Megilah? Bigton. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Bigton and Teresh wanted to kill the king. Big and ton together. Both mean large. That's a mean name for somebody. I know it's not nice to make fun of somebody's heaviness, but Bigton wasn't a good guy. Tags:
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The shul had a juicing event. Bernie said, “I didn’t come to shul for a choir.” You get it? Juicing sounds like “Jews sing.” Juicing is how you make smoothies. They were making smoothies. They were also singing. Jewsing. 
Grave of Chana and her sons. I love visiting graves of Tzadikim in Israel... The greatest miracle that I believe my tour guide discovered is that every person who was buried a long time ago was famous. The dentists didn’t get buried, unless if they were a dentist who wrote the Mishna.
We saw an unmarked grave. Our tour guide was on it and made sure to figure out what Tana it was. 
International stand-up comedian, David Kilimnick, brings The Humor Hour of laughs to the resident seniors at your facility…
Also book David (Israel's "father of Agnlo comedy") for your shul Stand-up night and community Comedy Kumzits Singalong Show- To Book David to bring the joy and laughs contact [email protected]
(Rambam: Teshuva 7:2) For Teshuva, always view yourself as if you’re about to die. It also forces you to think more when going down a flight of stairs.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
3/7/2023
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