They asked him questions about holiday laws and traditions, because he had Simcha. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? They mistook Simcha for Smicha. Simcha is happiness. Smicha is rabbinic ordination. You usually ask the rabbi questions about Jewish laws and traditions. People like asking happy people questions. Simchat Torah is coming up. You're supposed to be happy on holidays. That was the impetus for this pun. Felt it important to explain. Without an explanation, this pun cannot be understood; which is what makes this an excellent pun. He left the shul real dirty after Sukkot with his Lulav and Hoshanos, and leaves. You get it? Hoshonos are willow branches. The leaves get left on the floor after we whack them on Hoshana Rabbah. He leaves leaves there. And he leaves, and he leaves a mess too. With leaves. Puns are about the lesson. Not the humor. What’s it called when a bird gets hit at a baseball game? A fowl ball. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? A foul ball is when a baseball is hit out of play. Fowl is birds. The ball could've been in play, but it hit a bird. Hence, a fowl ball. That would be ironic; a fowl ball that's not a foul ball. Noach also saves birds in the Parsha. He didn't save baseball games- another pun waiting to happen. How much did Avraham take to Canaan? Not sure. He definitely took a Lot. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? He took his nephew Lot along, as well as a lot of other people and stuff. A Lot. A lot. Spelled the same, but with a different pronunciation. He took somebody named Lot. Who was the teacher in the first place Avraham settled? Elon. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Elon Moreh is the first place Avraham settles when he's in Israel. Moreh means teacher. Elon was the teacher's name. With puns, education comes first. We're very proud of the educational value of this pun. Efron didn't want to sell the field, but Avraham got him to cave in. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? The field Avraham bought was that of the Cave of Machpelah, MaArat Hamachpelah. The cave is in the field. Efron caved in and sold it. That's your pun for this week. Education. Esav wanted soup on top of the door. But Yaakov didn't have any lintel soup. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? A lintel is a beam on top of a door. It sounds like lentil. Same letters. We learn the red stuff Esav wanted was lentil soup. Lintel. Lentil. What's the difference... Jews will get blamed. Tags:
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What do say when eating a leafy vegetable that’s been peppered with a little salt and a dash of citrus? Kale Melach Leemon. You get it? Instead of Kel Melech Ne’eman, which is said before Shema- when said alone. Kel is Gd’s name but not. It’s Gd’s name pronounced un-in-vain. In this prayer, you spell Gd’s substituted name more phonetically correct to suit the vegetable. Melach is salt. And Leemon is lemon, for those learning the correct Hebrew word. Or maybe just say the Ha’adama blessing, as it’s from the ground. A lot of thought went into this pun. And heresy. 
I felt bad executing the bagel. But I did what I had to. There was lox.
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Yad Soledet Bo, temperature at which a hand gets burnt, and retracts, is 113 to 160°F. How do we know this? The rabbis got people to test it. They would have people risk their hands. When the person screamed, they were like, "That's the temperature." Some people didn't scream right away. They tried toughing it out. And when they passed out, the rabbi was like, "That's the temperature..." And the students of the rabbi were in shock, "I can't believe he made it to 160°F." And thanks to Reb Shloimy, who is no longer with us, we were able to figure out the highest degrees of what would be considered cooking on Shabbat. If he didn't risk his life, we wouldn't have known.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
11/30/2022
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