KIBBITZER
Your Weekly Jewish Humor Magazine for a Gazunta Laugh about Life
DONATE to the Kibbitzer Magazine...
CLICK HERE to partner with JHF
spreading Jewish laughter and joy
  • Articles
  • Shabbat Printout Year III
    • Shabbat Printout Year II
    • Shabbat Printout Year I
  • Health and Healing
    • Torah Humor
  • About Us
    • Partner and Dedicate
    • Subscribe
    • Get In Touch
    • Contributors
    • FAQ
    • Terms of Use
The Blog Search and Random Post Generator will appear here on the published site.
We found
results for you
We've got nothin'!
The Blog Category Slider will appear here on the published site.
Popular Tags
The Breadcrumbs widget will appear here on the published site.

Jewish Puns X: Mordechai's Shivim Panim LaTorah

8/22/2022

0 Comments

 

by Mordechai Stein

Picture
What kind of a kitten comes from the Middle East? A Chukat. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Chukat is the Parsha. You mispronounce it, and the pun works. Do the Israeli chach, 'Chet' sound for a while. And it can be funny. The Chu is the purr. This pun is all about delivery. It takes a lot of effort to make this one work. But if you commit, you can educate people on Hebrew, and how the Middle Eastern people talk.
 
How do you curse a nation? Bil-em. (Rabbi Mendel)​
You get it? Bill them. Bilam was the prophet Balak sent for to curse the Jews. When you say Bilam fast, it sounds like 'bill them.' You've got to say the pun fast. 'Am' is a nation. Bill the nation. Nobody likes paying bills. That's a curse. Educational. You can learn from puns too.
 
What do we call it when people can't find hot water for their coffee in times of morning? Bein HaMeykarim. ​(Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Now is the Three Weeks of Jewish mourning, called the Bein HaMeitzarim (between the sorrows). Bein HaMeykarim (between the cold waters) almost sounds the same. People mourn not having their coffee in the morning. Morning. Mourning. That's another pun you can work with. We're here to help.
 
How do Chasidim ask when you're going to read this week's Parsha? Masai.
You get it? Masai is the second Parsha we read that week. Matai means when. Masai is how Frum people say it. If the name of the Parsha wasn't Masai, we wouldn't have a pun this week.
 
How do you know it’s Tisha BAv? When you see the table on the ceiling. (Mordechai)
You get it? Knowing Yiddish helps with puns. Tish is a table. Above means above. Ceilings are above. You have to say Tisha BAv fast, with an American Ashkenazi accent, for this to work. On Tisha BAv we don't eat, so it doesn't matter if the table is on the ceiling.
 
They met for coffee on their Shidduch date. A few minutes later they were engaged in drinking. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Engaged to get married. They're just drinking. Engaged works for both. Coffee leads to engagement.
 
You may not like the taste of sand. Though, It tastes like desert. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Desert. Dessert. Jews ate Manna in the desert.. Don't know if that was dessert. We needed a no dessert in the desert pun. Mispronounce 'desert' and it's brilliant.
The Blog Tags Widget will appear here on the published site.
Tags:
0 Comments
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.

You Might Also Like

First Last



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    They wanted to clean the silver on the Torah. Instead, they Polished it.
    You get it? People from Poland are Polish. They should‘ve polished the silver. Nobody knows what it means. Maybe put a Polish person on it. If you're Polish, we do not mean to offend you. At the Kibbitzer, we are sure that many Polish know how to polish very well.

    Picture
    The Jerusalem Shofar carrying bag and water bottle. Perfect for when you need to blow the Shofar on a Tiyul. (saying something about a Shofar on a hike was where our creativity on this joke came to a halt)
    Picture
    Come out to see David Kilimnick in Rochester, NY. September 19th and 20th... Click on the picture for tickets

    Categories

    All
    Aliyah
    Antisemitism
    Anti Semitism
    Bar/Bat Mitzvah
    Cartoon
    Chanukah
    Community
    COVID
    David Kilimnick
    Education
    Entertainment
    Europe
    Excercise
    Family
    Food
    Frum
    Gemara
    Halachot
    History
    Holiday
    Holidays
    Inspiration
    Interviews
    Israel
    Israelis
    Jerusalem
    Jewish
    Jewish-jokes
    Kosher
    Lag-bomer
    Marriage
    Mikakel-kaleekaku
    Mitzvot
    Moishe-unklovitch
    Mordechai-stein
    Netanel-kraus
    News
    Nonprofits
    Organziations
    Parsha
    Passover
    Pesach
    Pictures
    Politics
    Puns
    Purim
    Rabbi David
    Rabbi-david
    Rebbes
    Religion
    Rivka Schwartz
    Rosh-hashana
    Scenes
    School
    Sermons Of Rebuke
    Shabbat
    Shavuot
    Shiva
    Shmulik
    Shul
    Simchas
    Singles
    Sports
    Stories Of Inspiration
    Style
    Sukkot
    Summer
    Tisha BAv
    Torah
    USA
    Wedding
    Wise Men Of Chelm
    Yeshiva
    Yom HaAtzmaut
    Yom Kippur
    Youth

    Archives

    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    June 2023
    May 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021

    RSS Feed

DONATE to the Kibbitzer Magazine...
CLICK HERE to partner with JHF
spreading Jewish laughter and joy
Picture
Contact Us
FAQ
Terms of Use
Sponsor
​Dedicate Article
About Us
Contributors
Home Page
Subscribe to The Kibbitzer
© 2021 Kibbitzer Magazine and JHF. All rights reserved.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.

​The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
  • Articles
  • Shabbat Printout Year III
    • Shabbat Printout Year II
    • Shabbat Printout Year I
  • Health and Healing
    • Torah Humor
  • About Us
    • Partner and Dedicate
    • Subscribe
    • Get In Touch
    • Contributors
    • FAQ
    • Terms of Use