Jewish Puns VII: Mordechai's Shivim Panim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

They're planning a party for the Kohens. They're calling it the Big Day Kahuna.
You get it? The Torah talks about the Kohens and their clothes. Bigdei means clothes. Kahuna means of Kohens. Big Kahuna, an American idiom. You should have vast knowledge to get into pun creation. 

Everybody gave half a shekel when they counted Jews. It spoke to their census. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A census is counting. They did that in the desert. To avoid a plague, and death, heads weren't counted, but the half shekels. Makes sense. Senses. Their senses. Their census.
 
Why was the activity not exciting last Shabbat? They were board games. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Board. Bored. Not fun. Board games are a great Shabbat activity. Make them fun. Puns are better said. Not written. Look away and say 'board games'… Now, it’s funny.

He wouldn't need to be good at singing or music if he had a talent. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A talent is something you're good at. A talent is a weight of money, which was a lot of silver in the times of the Torah. With all that silver he would be rich enough to not need to be talented. Puns are about education.
 
I asked a hippie, dressed as a villain, 'Who are you dressed as?' He said, 'HeyMan.' (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A lot of people pronounce Haman as Haymen. That's close enough to Hey Man. And that's how hippies talk. It's not just a costume, it's a way of life, a mindset. Artistic expression is very important when sharing puns.
  
What's it called when they pour seltzer on the Altar? A Karbon Dioxide... Then they recite Mizmor LSoda.
You get it? The offerings in the Temple were called a Karbon. Carbon Dioxide is the fizz in the soda... Soda. Mizmor LSoda is one of the types of songs in Tehillim. Brilliant. A double pun. And bilingual necessity. Doesn't get better than this.