Jewish Puns V: Mordechai's Shivim Punim LaTorah

by Mordechai Stein

A coworker just complained that the work is eating at her kishkas. I told her she should see a derma'tologist.
You get it? Derma means intestines and kishka means intestines. Dermatologists don't deal with intestines. Stuffed derma tastes excellent.

How do we know a salmon that's on fire is Ashkenaz? Cause it's a lit-fish.
You get it? Litvish are Lithuanian Jews. Most are connected to the Ashkenaz Yeshivas. The fish is lit.
 
To appease Esav, Yaakov sent Doron. That's why we never hear about that son. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Doron means gifts and is a name. Esav hates Yaakov. So, Yaakov splits his family, and sends Esav gifts.
 
Nobody wanted to eat the turkey at Thanksgiving dinner. It was really ofe.  (Rabbi Mendel) 
You get it? 'Off' means it didn't taste right. 'Ofe' means chicken in Hebrew. Turkey is not chicken, even in Israel. We bring you the best bilingual puns.

My kids left half-eaten Chanukah gelt, and I was stuck with some Bitcoin.
You get it? A lot of times, Chanukah gelt is chocolate coins. People bite those, makin them bit. Bitcoin is...

My black hat is not floppy. It’s always in a solid state.
You get it? Black hat brims can be flimsy or firm, as in a solid state. Computers used to have floppy disks. Solid state hard drive.

I bought a loaf of bread but returned it to the store because it was overbaked. It was a Mekach Toast.
You get it? Mekach Taot is a faulty sale. Toast. Add an 's.' Another brilliant and educational bilingual Halachik pun.