He said he was only giving ten percent to charity. They called him a Mayser. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Miser. Mayser. Mayser is a tithe. They sound alike. If a Mayser was a type of person, it would work. He'd be a Mayser who gives Mayser. The Mayser would be a Miser. They had two very big Challas. So we wished them a 'Gluten Shabbis.' (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? In Yiddish, you say 'Guten Shabbis.' AutoCorrect changes it to 'Gluten.' There's gluten in bread. Challah. Gluten. Guten. 'Gluten Shabbis.' AutoCorrect is a great Jewish pun writer. Rabbi and Rabbit... This crazy man was screaming at milk. It turns out he's lactose intolerant. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? On Shavuot we eat dairy. Intolerant means the body can't handle it or not tolerant and bigoted. In the beginning, it seemed like he just hated dairy. He shouldn't have said it was off. That was offensive. We needed the intolerant to milk pun for our collection to be complete. Her stomach distended. That's when she said she'd never drink sotah again. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? An accused wife, drinks bitter water. If her stomach distends, she's a Sotah. Soda. Sotah. They sound the same. Soda has fizz and distends the stomach too. So many similarities. Love it. She had a sense of humor about her sentence. A funny not loyal wife. Don't know if her husband laughed or not. There was only one Bachur. In their Mother's stomach there wasn't enough womb. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? A Bachur is the firstborn. The first one out of the womb. Room. They sound the same, if somebody can't pronounce the 'r.' How do you Daven in shul with an infant? You need to get a baby siddur. (Mordechai) You get it? Babysitter. Baby Siddur. It sounds the same. A Siddur is a prayer book. Babysitters take care of kids. Brilliant and practical. What did people against Moshe eat on Pesach? A sandwich for Korach. (Rabbi Mendel) You get it? Sounds like Korech. Korech is the Hillel sandwich. Korach. Korech. Korach's followers would've eaten what Korach said to eat. Not Hillel. A Korach sandwich for Korech. Tags:
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This has been a good year Shofar. You get it? So far. Shofar. The guy had a lisp. He was positive. He said it before Rosh Hashana, which was a little early. But that’s what positive thinkers do. 
Siman/im- a) Known as signs, this is when Jews get violent with fruit on Rosh Hashana, as food can be used for desert and to curse our enemies. As we’re not violent, we summon H’ to do this for us with vegetation such as kiwi and dates. Sentence: ‘May it by Thy will… our enemies die like a pomegranate… May our enemies be juiced.’ b) The reason I had nightmares on Rosh Hashana, about cabbage.
Comedy in Crisis… Yes! A stand-up show about sickness! Three years in the waiting room and David shares the reality of love, hardship and joy with you in laughs.
Thursday - Sept. 17 @ 7pm Wednesday - Sept. 23 @ 8pm Club SOTA @ School of The Arts- 46 Prince St.- Rochester, NY For Tickets Click Here 
The Talmud (Keritut 6a) encourages us to eat symbolic food on Rosh Hashana because “symbolism has meaning.” Thus, we focus on puns about carrots to connect to H’. We focus our prayers on what happens to our enemies who don’t keep pomegranates. Pomegranates means Mitzvahs. Good Jews understand this, as they know how to curse out enemies with vegetation.
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
7/5/2022
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