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He said he was only giving ten percent to charity. They called him a Mayser. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Miser. Mayser. Mayser is a tithe. They sound alike. If a Mayser was a type of person, it would work. He'd be a Mayser who gives Mayser. The Mayser would be a Miser.
They had two very big Challas. So we wished them a 'Gluten Shabbis.' (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? In Yiddish, you say 'Guten Shabbis.' AutoCorrect changes it to 'Gluten.' There's gluten in bread. Challah. Gluten. Guten. 'Gluten Shabbis.' AutoCorrect is a great Jewish pun writer. Rabbi and Rabbit...
This crazy man was screaming at milk. It turns out he's lactose intolerant. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? On Shavuot we eat dairy. Intolerant means the body can't handle it or not tolerant and bigoted. In the beginning, it seemed like he just hated dairy. He shouldn't have said it was off. That was offensive. We needed the intolerant to milk pun for our collection to be complete.
Her stomach distended. That's when she said she'd never drink sotah again. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? An accused wife, drinks bitter water. If her stomach distends, she's a Sotah. Soda. Sotah. They sound the same. Soda has fizz and distends the stomach too. So many similarities. Love it. She had a sense of humor about her sentence. A funny not loyal wife. Don't know if her husband laughed or not.
There was only one Bachur. In their Mother's stomach there wasn't enough womb. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? A Bachur is the firstborn. The first one out of the womb. Room. They sound the same, if somebody can't pronounce the 'r.'
How do you Daven in shul with an infant? You need to get a baby siddur. (Mordechai)
You get it? Babysitter. Baby Siddur. It sounds the same. A Siddur is a prayer book. Babysitters take care of kids. Brilliant and practical.
What did people against Moshe eat on Pesach? A sandwich for Korach. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Sounds like Korech. Korech is the Hillel sandwich. Korach. Korech. Korach's followers would've eaten what Korach said to eat. Not Hillel. A Korach sandwich for Korech.
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I was going to do Kaparos before Yom Kippur, but I chickened out.
You get it? Kaparos is the tradition of placing your sins on something else, the day before Yom Kippur, traditionally a chicken, and waiving it. He chickened out of the chicken. He might've done it with money in the end. But that would still be without a chicken.
Designated stroller parking area. Something every shul needs, so I can get through the entrance on Yom Kippur... Truth is they should have stroller parking all the time. The entrance is always blocked.
Problem: Merv and Bernie will end up parking there. They already take the disabled parking spots and walk just fine. When it comes to parking, every member of our congregation is disabled.
Side Note: Figured out why so many kids come to shul on Yom Kippur. Because they get to eat in shul on Yom Kippur.