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On Yom Kippur, I want to be at a relaxed Minyin. I don’t want to be at one that's in-tents.
You get it? With COVID, many shuls are having services in tents. People are also very intense. Amazing.
An Etrog is the only item in which "BiDots" is not kosher.
You get it? Badatz is a kosher certification in Israel. It sounds the same as 'BiDots.' ‘Bi’ as a prefix can mean ‘with,’ in Hebrew, and an Etrog can’t be with dots. Another amazing bilingual pun. We are your source for puns that you have to be multilingual to understand.
I knew something fishy was going on when I saw lox on all the doors.
You get it? Lox is a fish. Locks are used on doors. Fish are created on the fifth day. Do you hear it? Think phonetically. Like any good pun, it has to be told, not written. The most brilliant pun yet.
I do my job religiously. I always wear my Yarmulka at work.
You get it? Wearing a Yarmulke is religious. Working diligently is religious too. Mordechai is a good Jew, and brilliant.
What do you call a bird with good Hebrew grammar? A dikduck.
You get it? Dikduk means grammar in Hebrew. Substituting 'duk' with 'duck.' Brilliant. And the animals are laughing too.
Why did they say Psalms for the sick man? Because they wanted To-HEaL-hIM.
You get it? We say Tehillim (psalms) for sick people. You want to heal them. Avraham wasn't well after the bris...
Avraham was very serious about burying Sarah, so he buried her in a grave. (Rabbi Mendel)
You get it? Grave means serious, and it's also where you bury people. Avraham buries Sarah in the Cave of Machpela in Chevron. Puns are about the lesson.
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I was going to do Kaparos before Yom Kippur, but I chickened out.
You get it? Kaparos is the tradition of placing your sins on something else, the day before Yom Kippur, traditionally a chicken, and waiving it. He chickened out of the chicken. He might've done it with money in the end. But that would still be without a chicken.
Designated stroller parking area. Something every shul needs, so I can get through the entrance on Yom Kippur... Truth is they should have stroller parking all the time. The entrance is always blocked.
Problem: Merv and Bernie will end up parking there. They already take the disabled parking spots and walk just fine. When it comes to parking, every member of our congregation is disabled.
Side Note: Figured out why so many kids come to shul on Yom Kippur. Because they get to eat in shul on Yom Kippur.