Why do Jews like to move around so much during davening? Because they want to set themselves apart from the idle worshippers.
You get it? Standing still is being idle. Jews move around a lot (shake or shukel) during prayers, which is davening. And they're not idol worshippers. Phonetically, this is the best joke. Thank you. My friend had this really nice 'Lo Tachmod' poster... I wanted it so badly. You get it? Lo Tachmod is the commandment to not covet what others have... Educational! And a bit of Musar (moral rebuke) for you. How do you celebrate a cow turning 13? A Par Mitzvah. You get it? A Para is a cow (the red heifer- Para Aduma). Change the 'B' with a 'P,' and take at the last 'A'... This week's Torah portion speaks of the Para Aduma... Par Mitzvah on a golf course? We're trying hard for you. Hope you appreciate it. At least we didn't do anything with 'Moo.' What did Bilam's donkey say when Bilam went to curse the Jews? Nay. (Rabbi Mendel's) You get it? That's what the horse said, even if misspelled. It's educational. That's why we do it. Horses are close enough to donkeys. And it's still unique, becauses horses don't say 'nay.' Nor do donkeys. And you also wouldn't see this one in a Laffy Taffy. We didn’t do the ‘moo’ one for the red heifer last week, so we figured we needed to do the neigh one this week. We didn’t want you to miss out. They are planning a huge convention for Kohanim in the near future. The get-together will be called 'The Big Day Kahuna.' You get it? Bigdei Kahuna are the clothing of the Kohen. 'Big Day' means something big is happening. The big Kahuna is the big Kahuna. And this week is Parshat Pinchas. Pinchas was given Kohen status. A wise Ashkenazik Israeli was found asking when to read Parshat Matot, so the community decided we should read Matot-Masai. (Rabbi Mendel's) You get it? The two Parshas (Torah portions) are almost always read together, and 'Matai' means when. 'Masai' is how a frum Ashkenazi would say 'Matai'... Jewish history in a nutshell. This is part of the Hebrew puns of Ashkenazi dialect collection written in English. Next time, the pun will be 'we read Matot when we say Masai.' We believe that makes sense. The underline really adds to that pun. Helps with enunciation. How can you tell if someone is living a double life? If people tell him "until 240" on his birthday. You get it? We don't know if that's a pun. It might be. It definitely connects to Moshe. He lived to 120, the Jewish blessing of long life, and this week's portion is about him. It works. Maybe we should've went with, 'He was living a double life. He was 240.' It all works, because it's puns. Tags:
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Comedy in Crisis… Yes! A stand-up show about sickness! Three years in the waiting room and David shares the reality of love, hardship and joy with you in laughs.
Sunday - October 18 @ 8pm Shir Hadash - Jacob Rubin St. #1 Jerusalem, Israel For Tickets Click Here 
My friend’s pig wanted to wish you all a Hog Sameach. You get it? Chag Sameach. Americans can’t say the “Chet.” They say “Hag Sameach.” But this is a hog. So, Hog Sameach. A pig would say that. Most American say “Happy Holiday.” Americans aren’t pigs. Eating too much on Sukkot does not make you a pig. It makes you a person with an upset stomach, who put on twelve pounds. I hope that clears up any misconceptions about why the pig is saying “Hog Sameach,” and people from the US do not. Though, Americans can be quite friendly. 
Sukkah- A hut that is poorly built. Not a mitzvah. H’ knew that is the best a Jew can do. No Jew can build anything that lasts longer than seven days. And that is without rain. My Brother-in-law Teaching his Son to Build: ‘What you gotta do is take the soft side. Then you take the hard side of the Velcro. Tap as such… take the metal. Slip it through canvas. That’s how we build…’
Hakafot on Simchat Torah isn’t a Mitzvah. It’s tradition. Please don’t pull me into the dancing circle. It’s very uncomfortable. I don’t know when the tradition of pulling self-conscious people who don’t know how to dance, into a circle of people who don’t know how to dance, started.
I love the Torah. Let me celebrate the Torah as I do, by throwing candies at kids. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
7/22/2021
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