True love is when you stand as far away from your spouse as possible, because you don't want them to hate you. (photo: Adam Jones, seen on Wikipedia)
When you know, you know. Here is how you know you have Jewish love. If he truly loves you, you will feel a deep discomfort and need to run away from him. Here are some of the signs of a Jewish boy's love.
You're Introduced to the Family He risks it all, introducing you to his parents and siblings, because he knows that they're the ones who have to love you. Your relationship has nothing to do with him. He understands that as a good Jew his feelings have nothing to do with his marriage to you. If his parents don't want you, it's over. He's just a conduit of family perpetuation. His grandparents have passed; the real question is 'do you bring them pride.' His Parents Start Showing Up On the Dates He knows that his parents are going to be part of your relationship. Thus, he realizes it's important to introduce you to who's going to be at every Seder month for the rest of your life. You didn't know you were dating his parents. He just threw that curveball. It's a month. His parents are going to moving in for a month every Pesach. He's introducing you to that. He Introduces You to His Brother Now he's taking a real chance. You didn't know that guy existed until you got engaged. All of this information only came after he got you the ring. How's that for a bait-and-switch?! You're His Plus One The only way to get that at a Simcha is to show proof of engagement. This isn't a regular wedding you're going to. This is a Simcha. In the Frum community, nobody is splurging for a plus-one without commitment of marriage. If you show up as the plus-one pregnant, the parents will blame you. Your fault. Love is over. He Yells at You That's true love. When somebody can get mad at you for not shutting a car door correctly, this means he is ready to build a Bayit Ne'eman, a faithful home amongst Israel. Jewish tradition is to yell at the one you love. If he also gives you nasty looks of disgust, you know it's the real thing. He Stops Getting the Car Door for You He realizes this is going to be a long relationship and he doesn't have the stamina to get the car door for you for the next eighty years. Hence, he stops on the second date. He Says He Loves Your Cooking You know it's not true. You can't compete with his mom. But he says it. He Says He Wants to Take you for Pizza Again. He realizes he wants this to last, and he doesn't have the funds to pay for more than two meals at Le Marais. He's letting you know now that your children will be going to Jewish day school on scholarship. He Says He Wants to Go to the Beit Midrash to Learn When he goes to night Seder to learn Torah. When he does whatever he can to avoid spending time with you, that is true love. That shows you're truly the one and he wants to make this marriage work. He Posts a Picture of the Two of You He's ready to tell all the girls, you're the one. And the other girls truly don't care. A Lollipop on Shabbis That's how they showed they love you at Jewish summer camp, HaYeladim. He thinks that still works. He Starts Asking You for Stuff He is overbearing. He now thinks you like him enough to ask for favors. He thinks that look of disgust on your face means you like him. His mom always helped him pick out his pants. Now it's your job. There’s an Engagement Party a Minute After He Proposes And you had no idea five-hundred people knew you were getting married to him before you did. Welcome to the Mishpuchi. Tags:
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If somebody at the Seder tells you the salt water is low in sodium, take it with a grain of salt. You get it? Salt has sodium. So, take more salt. Whatever you need to do to make the Seder more meaningful, by making things harder to eat, do it. We bring our puns to add to your Passover experience. If you’re the one who made the salt water, you can share the joy of Mordechai’s pun, while handing someone a grain of salt. When delivering puns, always ask, “What would Mordechai do?” Oh. "Take it with a grain of salt" means don't take it to heart. Now you get the pun. 
I did not clean that shelf last year. The mushrooms might not be fresh. Yet, that can is sealed nice and tight. I am at an impasse… Thank Gd for Pesach. I’m must’ve not got to that cupboard since 2008.
That’s why those cans are good. They remind you how long it’s been since you cleaned. 
Click on the picture for tickets to share laughs with David Kilimnick in Jerusalem on Thursday, February 12th
Due to leaving Mitzrayim in haste, we are commanded to eat Matzah, a “poor man’s bread” (Devarim 16:3). I am fulfilling that Mitzvah. After purchasing Shmura Matzah, I’m out of money.
Let me explain. Though it's a poor man's bread, Shmura Matzah can be very expensive. The boxed machine Matzah, sold at a dollar-fifty a pound, is probably what the Torah was talking about. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
2/14/2024
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