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We were not working, because of the holidays. We don't work on the holidays. It's our custom. We will not be funny for you during Sukkot at any point in time, as it is the holiday season and that is forbidden.
Somehow, not working on holidays gets everybody mad at you, even in our all Jewish office.
All staff at the Kibbitzer is angry at the other staff members right now. They're saying the other staff members are lazy, and that's why they're not working on the holidays that they are all keeping. Taking off for the holidays as a whole staff has caused a lot of anti-Semitism amongst the Jews. To minimize co-hatred of Jews in our office, all Kibbitzer staff has agreed to work Sundays.
One staff member said we should write in the Sukkah. She was called a heretic, and the Jews hated her even more.
Due to nobody getting along, everybody is thinking of starting breakaway magazines, so that they can say that the other magazines are the ones they don't write for.
It was noted to us by our staff that we shouldn’t be writing this piece, as it is a holiday.
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I was going to do Kaparos before Yom Kippur, but I chickened out.
You get it? Kaparos is the tradition of placing your sins on something else, the day before Yom Kippur, traditionally a chicken, and waiving it. He chickened out of the chicken. He might've done it with money in the end. But that would still be without a chicken.
Designated stroller parking area. Something every shul needs, so I can get through the entrance on Yom Kippur... Truth is they should have stroller parking all the time. The entrance is always blocked.
Problem: Merv and Bernie will end up parking there. They already take the disabled parking spots and walk just fine. When it comes to parking, every member of our congregation is disabled.
Side Note: Figured out why so many kids come to shul on Yom Kippur. Because they get to eat in shul on Yom Kippur.