Don't Hate People On Tisha BAv: A Guide to Loving Annoying People

by David Kilimnick

That's how you deal with people who annoy you. You brain focus to make them disappear. Or you look at other people and show them your brain exploding. (photo credit Psychology Today)

I am told that hatred is wrong. Whether I agree with that or not isn't important. For the sake of Tisha BAv I will put my feelings aside.
The three week period prior to the destruction of the Temples is upon us and the rabbis tell us that the Second Temple was destroyed due to baseless hatred. We must stop that. You need decent reason to hate. You don't just hate somebody because they're your neighbor. If they take your newspaper, then you hate them.
We don't need any more destruction. Hence, I would like to provide you with some ways to look at annoying people differently. We have to stop judging and start understanding. Along with hating people basefully, judging favorably can bring love and peace.
Here are some ways to understand the annoying. Do it this Tisha BAv for the sake of the redemption of the Jewish people:

People who Cut in Front of you in Line
How you should see it: They have something important to do. They have to get somewhere. Do you need to run more errands? Probably not. They do. And you're out there joy shop[ing for milk. Maybe they were there yesterday, and that was their spot beforehand. Maybe they left somebody in the car and you are saving a life. Maybe they are trying to finally have some human interaction and they are sick of having to be six feet away from you. So, they cut you in line, and are now six feet in front of you.
Who is really the selfish one here?! 

Store with a ‘Going Out of Business Sale’ Sign up for Two Years
This man has been struggling for over two years. Fighting through it all, while still having sales on all items. He is not lying. He is trying to go out of business, and because of his '50% off - we're closing tomorrow' sign, you're not letting him. Again, I ask, who is thinking about themself here?!

Middle Eastern People Scooping from the Collective Humus Platter with Their Pita & Hand
They are sharers. You're sitting at dinner together and they are bringing the bread braking to the next level. You're now scooping Humus together and they're cleaning the platter for you.

Server who is Not Smiling
They have too much business, and now you're going to order dinner too. You're very needy. Why are you not apologizing?

Guy who Smells Bad on Bus
He’s claustrophobic. He needs his own seat, and he’s prepared.

People Who Disagree With Your Political Views
You have to hate somebody. Who else are you going to call a racist?

People who Give You Unsolicited Advice
Maybe you didn't know that ‘drinking coffee’ can help wake you up. Sometimes you are on a diet, and other people do not realize it. That is why they say, ‘You are overweight.’ Here is somebody who is coming along for you, the single person, letting you know, ‘It is not good to be lonely.’ Advice is always good. Who else is going to note your flaws?

The Falafel Guy with Unclean Hands
That is where the taste is coming from. You should be thanking him. Without his hands, you would not taste the curry. That's where the curry taste truly comes from.

The Person who Shows up to Gym with Unlaundered Clothes
The clothes are going to get dirty anyways. Not everybody comes from your country, where Tide is a good smell.
They may also be claustrophobic. Why they don't clean the machine after they leave, I cannot answer.

Guy Who Puts his Leg in Your Chair on Plane or Bus
Who is to say, that is your chair? Why is it in front of that guy, if it's yours? Now they're asking what gives you the right to lean back, and to not sit at a ninety degree angle on the flight. 
​If their leg wasn't in your back, they would be less comfortable, and you wouldn't be sitting straight. It seems to me that you're being the selfish one here. And this guy's knee is helping your posture.

The Tall Person Sitting in Front of You at the Movie
Tall people should be allowed to watch movies too. You cannot ban them from the theater. It would be wrong to force them to sit in the back row. History shows us that some people would consider that discrimination. Taller people than you are a people too.

People Who Smoke in Public
They're sharing the cigarette benefits with you. You don't even have to bum one to get the smell on your clothes. Bumming cigarettes is annoying.

People Who Don’t Leave Messages and Expect You To Call Them Back
Everybody should assume they're important.

People Singing in Synagogue After the Prayer is Done
Everybody enjoys the lyrics ‘Nay Nay Nay.’ Our people have been singing that for centuries, even when nobody knew the prayers. ‘Nay Nay Nay’ are words of inspiration. The Beatles were inspired by those lyrics too. Without ‘Nay Nay Nay…’ ‘Hey Jude’ would've been over in two minutes.

People Who Play Guitar Around the Camp Fire
The guitar is made out of wood. See the positive.

People Who Look at You and Don't Say ‘Hello’
You think they are rude. They're just engaging you in a game of stare.

Your Neighbors Above You in the Apartment Building
They shouldn't be there. Being that they are there, we have to accept that your neighbors have to eat. I've complained to the landlord about neighbors having dinner. It doesn't work.
You may want them to stop chewing because you can hear that, along with their walking. Even so, they might choke, and then their coughing will wake you up.
Then I have to hear the mom telling them they have to chew eighteen times. It's hard to not hate these people.

Your Neighbors who Leave their Garbage Outside their Front Door
Why should their house smell? That is quite selfish of you. Maybe they will take it down to the garbage at some point, if you don’t. Always see the positive.

People Who Sit with Their Phone at Dinner
Your conversation as a family member is not interesting. Why should anybody have to sit down to dinner without their friends?! There might be an emergency in a teenager’s life. They might have a friend who just realized they are going to a movie. There might be a new game out. A guy might have said ‘Hi’ to a young girl. That's a life changer.

Children Who Leave Their Parents in Senior Citizens Home and Not Visiting
They already did their job. You are not going to get anything else out of them. Why should they have to have them around anymore?

Children Who Scream and Run Outside Your Door, While You Are Trying to Sleep
Running inside the home is excellent exercise. You're raising healthy children who enjoy keeping their parents up.
Most importantly, if you don’t allow them to run, one day, they might end up baselessly hating you and leave you in a senior citizens home.

Take these lessons for Tisha BAv. We understand that it may be hard to judge favorably the rest of the year. We're suggesting one day. Hate people after Tisha BAv. Let's make this a beautiful and giving Tisha BAv of love for all fellow people. After Tisha BAv you have till Yom Kippur to get mad at them again.