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BILL 2 – People Must Work the Month of Tishrei Even if There are Holidays in September and October
Force people to work on work days.
Nobody works from Rosh Hashana till the week after Sukkot.
a) My electricity was out in my place. The electric people couldn’t come till after Sukkot. They said it was a holiday, and they were angry that I disturbed the holiday for them. The electric people were enjoying the holidays. I believe they had electricity.
b) They just got off summer vacation.
c) How do they have sick days too?
d) The people I need help from see the summer through the holidays as a straight vacation. Even when the holidays go through October.
e) Garbage doesn’t get picked up. Sanitation said they have a right to vacation too.
f) I heard the school year started, but I saw no kids in school all of September or October.
g) The week after Sukkot is not a holiday.
Work on the days that are not holidays. If there is a holiday in a month, that does not make the whole month a holiday.
a) No countrywide conspiracy to get out of work for a whole month.
b) No more unions in government supported agencies. The union and the government together with holidays, these people are never working.
c) No more non-religious people claiming they are religious for September and October. I do Teshuva every Yom Kippur. I think this is a scam.
d) People who work for the government cannot make up random rules that ruin my life, like a dedicated piece of the Tel Aviv beach for Matkot.
e) Choose if you want off for the summer or the whole first month of the school year. You get a choice. You can’t have both. Nobody cares if you have to cook for your family. When their water stopped and they can’t pay the bill because nobody is taking calls, they don't care about your extra vacation… With this in mind, we are going to introduce the concept of shifts. The idea is that some people work on days when other people need to take off. This way I don’t get screwed, and the garbage gets taken. And ELAL remains an airline next September.
f) People who work for the government have to work, sometimes. I understand that's not going to be a popular part of the bill that government will have to pass. Let’s add this here- People who work for the government have to know what their job is, and what they're doing. If you work for Mas Hachnasa (Israel Tax Authority) and you give a fine, you have to know what that fine is for. It can't be a decision you came up with because you don't like Davids. Even if that's how you decided you shouldn't be working the month of September, how my name causes so much revolution is beyond me.
g) Start school in October. The two days of school in September are not enough time to teach our traditions of Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot and how to scam days off work. And don’t tell me that knowing how to make a paper chain means you learned about Sukkot.
h) No more summer vacation. They are not working anyways. Better yet, no more vacation.
i) When January comes around, you can’t claim that we are close to the southern hemisphere and we should be vacationing now too.
j) Introduce Labor Day to the guy at my Makolet, so he knows that he should start working normal hours again. When they see the holidays they think there's another vacation.
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They wanted to clean the silver on the Torah. Instead, they Polished it.
You get it? People from Poland are Polish. They should‘ve polished the silver. Nobody knows what it means. Maybe put a Polish person on it. If you're Polish, we do not mean to offend you. At the Kibbitzer, we are sure that many Polish know how to polish very well.
The Jerusalem Shofar carrying bag and water bottle. Perfect for when you need to blow the Shofar on a Tiyul. (saying something about a Shofar on a hike was where our creativity on this joke came to a halt)