Bad Chanukah Gifts I Got This Year

by David Kilimnick

Still trying to figure out the use in these coins. Still can't use these as currency.

And I got more bad gifts this year.  And people are still telling me it's the thought that counts. If you ever find yourself saying ‘it’s the thought that counts,’ that is a bad gift. That being said, here are some of the gifts I got.
Before we get into the gifts, I want to say, 'Thank you for thinking of me.'

Pasta Pusher
Has anybody ever made pasta that was not from a bag?! Exactly.
If there was a pasta pusher that pushed pasta into something that cooked it for me, with no thought, that would be a worthwhile gift.
I appreciate the appliance. I will forever keep it in my storage.
 
Gift Certificate
I still haven’t used the gift certificates you got me for my Bar Mitzvah. Next time, give me currency with a stamp on it that says ‘Expired.’ That is what is going to happen to the gift card. Either that, or a piece of paper that says, 'You will lose this.'
And how much thought did you put into the gift certificate when you were online to check out at the Christmas Tree Shops.
 
A Fitted Shirt & Tight Pants
Somebody thought this might help me meet a woman. Fitted shirts look good when they fit. That shirt didn’t fit me. Neither did the skinny pants.
The size 38 pants were smaller than size 38 pants. They should’ve marked them 34s, like they were, and sold them to me as four sizes too small. I am hoping they pay for my Weight Watchers membership this year, so I can fit into the pants. That would be a decent gift.
Stuff to not buy teenagers, because it makes them annoying: Skinny Pants, UGGs, anything tiny with a screen on it.
 
A Paisley Shirt
Sorry. The bad gifts reminded me of the paisley.
This was not a gift. This was a hand-me-down. This was something my dad didn’t want. Paisley has been out of style since the 1970s and The Salvation Army didn’t want it either. My parents forgot to pick up a gift for me that year. It was the worst year of my life. I wore it as smock. The whole class thought I splatter painted my shirt.
My parents didn’t even wrap it up. They didn't even say, 'Chanukah Sameach.' It was given to me with a simple command of, ‘Try it on.’
 
Challah Cover
That is usually a wedding gift. I got the point. My family wants me to get married. They could have just said something.
Even people getting married don’t appreciate Challah covers. They don’t need more than four of them. If you are purchasing a wedding gift, check out the registry. I have never seen a registry with Challah covers.
Why Bed Bath & Beyond doesn't sell Challah covers bothers me too.
 
Chanukah Registry
I am starting this to help. My way of giving back to the children of our next generation who did not get a drone this year. You all deserve a camera that flies without concern for privacy.
There is no reason you should be getting clothes for Chanukah. The registry will only consist of stuff that flies, video games and phone accessories.
I feel for our children who want a decent gaming system.
 
The Thought Does Count is the Lesson
When purchasing Chanukah gifts this year, put a little more thought into it. Maybe think a little more. Think to yourself, ‘What would make a gift that somebody would enjoy? Something meaningful?’ I am assuming that if you think a little more, you will come to the conclusion that you should get them money.
I love every one of the gifts I received over the years, because it's from the people I love.
With the gifts I have received, I do question if you truly love me. Maybe it's just mistakes. Many of you think that buying something for the person that they would never think about purchasing themselves is the way to go. There's a reason I don't pick up pasta pushers.
Remember ‘It is the thought that counts.’ So, bring out the holiday spirit in your loved ones and give money. To note: chocolate coins don’t count as legal tender.

Though it may appear that I am not happy with the slap on bracelet that cut into my arm, I appreciate everything you got for me. I also love the pen you bought me. As you know I am at work a lot, I will take that BIC classic medium point wherever I go. Along with the ink stain.