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I have never been in a hospital where I can find my way. When I visit people, I get lost. Sometimes, I can't even find the entrance. I can't tell you the amount of times I have been late to appointments because I was there on time.
It Must Be Poor Building Plans
Half the time, I have to go through another building that was added on fifty years ago, to get back to the building I was in.
Here is an Actual Conversation: 'How do I get to building A?' 'You go through building B, then you take the orange elevator. Come back down the green elevator then go through building A. You might make it after you find blue.' 'Am I in building A now?' 'Yes. But to get to building A, you have to take the purple stairs to building B. But there is more...'
It's harder than giving directions in Jerusalem. They may not have streets that lead into each other going the correct way from a one-way street. However, in the Holy City they at least have street names. In the hospital, I have to memorize color number codes, foreign alphabets, floral arrangements. The directions went on: 'It's 55g74d on the red spectrum. That's where you'll find the elevator... Then you find somebody who is standing near some lilies.' It's like a scavenger hunt. I have to find somebody by the tertiary colors to get back to the primary colors, where I can visit my family..
Information Had No Idea
I went to reception. For my last appointment, they had no idea. Information had to look at a map. At first they were shocked and told me I was at the wrong hospital. Then I got this, 'This is our city... Yes. Most of it is underground.' They marked it like I was a tourist, and they were amazed that they figured it out. ‘Nope. I was wrong. You go that way. Through those doors to get that way. Then, that way through purple color code 548de3 stairwell back to fluorescent green. Now I know what the neon signs are for.’
I shall repeat. Yes. It is frustrating when the information people have to look at a map. It's like going the information booth at the subway station and them going, 'I am just as lost as you are.' That's why the hospital people sit at information and don't move. They don't want to get lost.
The only person who knows how to get anywhere is the lady in the gift shop. They've found shortcuts to deliver balloons lilies.
No Hospital Plans the Additions
They do an addition and then they give it a color. They expect you to know that fluorescent yellow color code 5132d3 means 'right.'
They throw down a building, build some kind of skyway, on ground level in a color coordinate. And then they realize that there are no entrances to the building they just built.
Why they have skywalks on ground level still baffles my mind.
Doctors Get Lost
I can't imagine doctors can find their way in these places. It would take more than four years of medical school and eight years of residency to learn how to locate the operating room. That's why they call it a residency. You need to live there for many years before they can trust you to figure out the location of your office.
This is why we have to wait for doctors all the time. They have no idea where the appointment is. They can't find their way from their office to the room. And if they're colorblind, they have to quit.
They Don't Want You to Visit Family - That is My Conclusion
It’s a maze with random colors. Unless if you're a tracker, you will get lost. Once, I found a cafeteria. It must have been in an unmarked bunker. I never found it again. They do whatever they can to make it impossible to find your way and visit.
Once you've studied maze building and mastered escape rooms, you can visit your family member.
It's even harder to find ICU. ICU is tucked away behind tertiary colors in an unfinished building. Transparent tertiary is code for ICU in the hospital. I didn't know that.
Once I find ICU, with the help of the floral lady at the gift shop standing by the neon green opaque, I stay. I know that if I try to find the waiting room, I will never find my way back.
And don't tell me that you were at the hospital and it was easy to find your way. That was not a hospital. That was an office building. It might have been an infirmary. It was definitely not a hospital.
I've got an appointment tomorrow at the University Medical Center. I am going to study my tertiary colors. I know I am not going to find my car in the parking lot. I'm going to have to abandon it and walk home.
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Health and Healing
Humor, laughter and a positive outlook in the hard times. This includes Torah thoughts by Rabbi Kilimnick and humor from within.
With nursing facilities closed, this guy is trying to figure out why his kids are trying to break into the room, scoping it out. He's asking when his kids turned into a bunch of stalkers.
(Photo: The Guardian)