It’s been another year and I’ve accomplished very little. I hope I'm doing my father A"H proud. Accomplishing as little as I can.
And it's another year that I've been out of Yerushalayim. Jerusalem, for those who are committed to English. And I ask if I'm living each moment to the fullest. Living it. Loving it.

Everything was a big moment with my father. Especially when it came to prepping my hair for any Simcha. I hated celebrating happiness. The time spent trying to keep down my cowlick. The amount of Dep necessary to look respectable for the family. The frustration and lack of understanding coming through the comb to that one strand of hair. You couldn’t keep the thing down.
Abba lived each moment. Lived it for importance. It wasn't just dinner. It was a ritual. One I never learned about, but it was a ritual. An experience. Whitefish with Abba. A bonding experience one could only value as a child of a great Jew. We never fished. Jewish fathers and sons don't bond over fishing. We bond over Whitefish and lox. Going out for a slice of pizza was an event. For some it's a slice of pizza. For us, it was a celebration of life. Abba got his money's worth on that pizza. No toppings. And we loved it. It was a thing. Everything you did with my father was a thing. A trip to Toronto. Amazing with Abba. He even made Toronto fun. Do you know how hard that is to do.
Abba lived and he loved. You go anywhere it was a thing. Especially when we were in Jerusalem. It was an experience. A gift of life.
Abba would always say, "In Jerusalem, Gd is your tour guide." And we saved a lot of money on tour guides. 

My father lived. It was an experience with Abba. Everybody misses experiences with my dad. Funerals. What a great experience with Abba. He made a funeral amazing. A thing. He made it Kedusha. Holy.
People pass through life. Abba lived it. 
Damn I miss Abba. I miss my dad. Let's do a few words of Torah. Damnit.

Dvar Torah Part 
Moshe wants to be in Israel. Jerusalem. He says to Gd, (Devarim 3:25) "Please let me cross over and see the good land on the other side of the Jordan, the good mountain..." He wasn’t asking for a Tiyul. It’s wasn’t a hike. He wasn’t looking to go to tubing down the Jordan River. He wanted to go to for the goodness. Some people live for these hikes, like they heard Israel has great mountains.
It’s not the Jerusalem fun time playhouse. Moshe wanted to see “the good mountain...” Rashi says this good mountain is Yerushalayim. Moshe wanted to see Jerusalem. He wasn't asking H' for the Catskills. You see Yerushalayim, great real estate. Great breathing air. Excellent falafel. Doable apartments. You’ve got to see it. You want to see it. Moshe wanted to see it for the connection. The Kedusha. The holiness. Moshe wanted to see the goodness. And Abba saw the goodness.
Abba wasn't into hiking. We drove. Made it easier to see the goodness of Israel, hydrated.

Abba would come to Yerushalayim and connect with H’. Jews end up in the Catskills because they don’t know good mountains. You hear Mountains and you think Monticello. It’s Israel the Torah is talking about. Abba loved the Catskills too. That was a Jewish experience. As a kid, I thought that was the land of the Jews. I couldn't imagine we were promised any other land.
The Catskills were great, and Abba loved it. But the goodness of connecting to H’, the land, the people, Abba brought that to Yerushalayim. Living the holy experience was a greater level of goodness than Liberty Pizza.

When praying for this Jerusalem, (Devarim 3:23) Moshe starts by saying to the people, "And I entreated to H' at this time." I have no idea what entreats means. I'm not a linguist. 
Rashi says the Shoresh, root, of VaEtchanan is Chanun, compassion. And every time that word Chanun is used it is asking for a gift. A free gift. Israel is a gift. And Moshe was asking to be in Israel. For that free gift. For that thing he is not deserving of. The experience. And all you anti-Semites heard was "free."
With Abba, seeing anti-Semites was an experience. So many beautiful memories.
Israel is a free gift. Which is what all these kids nowadays think. Going on Birthright. Spending nothing. Free trip to Israel. Only people paying are me, getting price gouged by EL AL.

When we pray it's for Israel, we're praying for a gift. A free gift.
Congregants think they deserve. You want Kiddish. You think you deserve it. You don't appreciate it. You don't appreciate Kichel. Abba appreciated Kichel. Kichel and herring. And lox and whitefish. Abba appreciated it. It was a free gift from Gd. He loved it. Celebrated it.
​People pray for family too. They want a spouse. Some marriages are not as bad as the ones you see at shul. Marriage is a gift. Not a good one for most. But it’s a gift. To have somebody you love. My parents marriage was a gift. Abba knew it. He appreciated it.

Moshe wanted a chance to live the good. To experience. Almost there and he didn't get to see it. Abba lived it. B"H. And that made him happy. Thanks to EL AL and their price gouging. Abba wasn't happy about that. 
He prayed for the gift. Abba prayed for Israel. He loved it. He saw the Good Mountain. He saw the Good Land. And he made it good.

Now that I tried the Dvar Torah thing. 
Israel is a gift. Even just to see it. Yerusahalayim is the place.

Abba saw Israel as good. As a gift. And there are Jews who see Gaza. They see war. Meraglim. Israelis see a beautiful land. Abba saw it as beautiful. Life. I had to say something about the Meraglim, the Jewish spies and haters of their own people who voted for Mamdani. Abba would appreciate that. Nachis from his son.

When you see it as a gift, you're thankful. you enjoy it.
 
Jerusalem
Abba saw it as a gift. He didn't take the Kedusha, the holiness, for granted. As such, it was an amazing experience. Every time. That's what happens when you appreciate whatever comes your way.
Yerushalayim with my father, A”H, was an experience. Magical. He had a smile when he was there. Being with his people. With Gd. Not being around the congregants. That's a gift.

When he saw his community there, it was all joyful. Like a Geula. Redemption. Something you plead for from Gd. Unity. Oneness of the nation. Abba brought that. An experience unlike any. A continuum of community from his childhood.
Seeing his congregants. Abba kept in touch with people. Even congregants. In Israel, he would visit them. In Israel it was a gift to see the congregants. As long as he didn't have to see them at shul. Seeing them anywhere outside of shul is a pleasure.
His childhood friends, his Yeshiva friends, his congregant friends. All friends. All there taking in the gift of Melech HaFelafel. The Mountain of Jerusalem and 5 shekel felafel.

Coming to my club and making everybody feel good. Caring about the people more than they had anybody caring about them in years. They all remembered that experience. They saw the gift.

He called people together in Yerushalayim. He was the leader. Like Aaron, bringing Shalom. He wanted to be with the people and H’. Everybody remembers the big get-togethers.
He actually cared. He knew it was all a gift. And he passed on that gift.
 
Any Kotel visit with Abba was an experience. And Abba knew the guy. Even if he didn’t. He knew them. Which could be awkward, but great. He brought his smile and joy everywhere he went.

Shawarma with Abba. No greater happiness other than a burger and a steak. The Shipud places. Loved the skewers.
People go to all of these Kosher heaven places. Abba lived them. Abba made eating a Shawarma a holy experience.

We would go all over Israel. Loved it all. Felt the gift of the good land.
He loved all of Israel. Tzfat, Eilat, Tiveria, Boca. Abba loved any place that was warm. Places where you can drive and not catch a draft. Abba didn't like drafts. Didn't like car windows down. 
And Tiveria falafel. Nothing better. The Tosafot. They had all those extras down.

It was an experience. Life. Abba enjoyed each moment. He lived it. He prayed to H' for it. He realized it was all a gift.
We should be Zoyche to recognize this gift that Moshe wasn't granted while we're in this Olam. To live and celebrate it.
 
Damn. I miss Yerushalayim with my parents, A"H. I can set the temperature in the car to cold now, but I miss it. I miss that gift. The celebration of the Good Mountain that they brought.
I miss them paying for dinner. Every time they paid for dinner, that was a free gift.

Lessons I Learned from Abba this Yahrzeit
Stop thinking you deserve stuff, and you will experience the gifts of Gd. Israel. Jerusalem. The good Shawarma.
Gd is an amazing tour guide. And He's cheaper than Tzachi. And you end up meeting people when Gd is your tour guide. You celebrate them.
 
Abba lived each moment to its fullest, because he saw it all as a gift. He was thankful to H’. He appreciated it. And that is why every moment with Abba was a celebration. We were blessed to have that experience of being in Israel with Abba.

I have to see the free gift. To appreciate Israel and Jerusalem for what it is. To appreciate life more. Even if school taxes coming up.
Abba wanted to be in Yerushalayim. Everything changed when he was there. He saw it all as a gift and he wanted to see more of it. But this world doesn't always allow for that. Got to cherish the gifts. We don't get them in the physical world forever.
Been away from Yerusahalayim for a while here. I’ve got to turn that corner and see the Good Mountain again. To appreciate the gift I had, and to appreciate it now.
 
I don’t appreciate EL AL. Ripping us off.  EL AL has got to being down the cost on these flights. It's crazy. Since all the COVID and war stuff, EL AL has been banking, pulling in a lot of money off people who see Israel as a gift.

Having Abba and Mommy was a gift. I entreat every day for their presence. To see them. If that makes sense. I still have no idea what entreat means.
Life was a gift and he was thankful to H'. As was my Mom. It's a gift to be around holy people like that.

I stopped saying ZT”L. It’s turned into A”H. A”H is more personal. You need an acronym after the name. This way you can make a statement, and people don't know exactly what you're saying. Abba ZT"L A"H. I miss him. I cherish taking in the gift of life and Israel with Abba.

BE"H next year we'll relive more experiences I was Zoyche to have with my dad A”H.

***For an Aliyas Neshama for הרב ישעיה בן יחזקאל הלוי זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.

PREVIOUS JOURNAL ENTRY THAT WAS MISPLACED
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — January 2, 2016
By Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — last edited Dec 24, 2015

Dear Friends and Family,
So I just finished the first round of chemotherapy. For seven days in succession they inject you three time under the skin. Fortunately, I had no adverse reaction other than enormous surges of fatigue and difficulty falling asleep. Now I have three weeks until the next round of chemo and will, G-d willing not feel so weak. I do, however, need to go to the clinic every other day for blood work and platelet and blood transfusions.

The illness I have is MDS - Myelodysplastic Syndrome. It is a diverse bone marrow disorder in which the bone marrow does not produce enough healthy blood cells. Also referred to as bone marrow failure. You could probably google it to find out more. I however, hope that you use your precious time to pray on my behalf.
Once again, I don't know how to thank enough the many who have sent emails, cards, calls and food. I also thank those who are ardently working on a match for the Bone Marrow Transplant. May Hashem bless you all.

Above all, there aren't sufficient expressions of gratitude for my wife Nechie other than thanking G-d for listening to my Kvitel (written prayer) that I placed in the Kotel in August of 1968 on our first date at the Western Wall in Yerushalayim. Like then, I hope Hashem will continue to answer my prayers for good health and Arichat Yamim (long life)

His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba 
Previous misplaced entry is the title. That is Abba. Honesty. And that is what made him a great humorist and funny person. That is what added to the genuineness that is the charisma that people to this day still visualize. An Emes. A truth.

Chemotherapy was a big thing for our family. We all showed up to it. Aunts, uncles. Our family doesn't waste an opportunity to be together for a Simcha. And here, we got free ginger ale and granola bars. That made my aunt happy.
'Surges of fatigue and difficulty falling asleep.' I get that every day. That's asides from the point. Regarding Abba and the lack of sleep, at least this time it wasn't my fault.
Abba is making chemotherapy and blood platelet transfusions sound easy. I was there. It was not easy. I had to get the drinks from the fridge. I had to get the Diet Coke and chips every evening. It really does make you tired. I had to fill up the ice cream bowl and bring it to Abba. The daily routine of chemotherapy is not that easy. I was very fatigued. I am extremely self-absorbed.

Instead of looking it up on Google, Abba wants people to pray. As a rabbi, you try to get people to pray. It doesn't happen. They're all on Google, trying to figure out why they didn't become a physician, and talking during services.
Abba wanted people to pray. What else do you want from them?! To pray and bring food. If they're not bringing food, then what else can they do?!
I hate when people ask me how somebody is doing, to find out they only want the information. Abba is telling people to do more than have a conversation about him. Though, you can't stop congregants from talking Lashon Hara about you.
I wish everybody took that lesson of prayer to heart. If you're asking genuinely, because you truly care and want to bring food, then ask and find out. If you're not bringing food, then pray.
I wish Abba would've mentioned food. I was at the house at this point, and people bringing Kugels and lox would've been appreciated. Very disappointing.

People asking about the illness for simple talking points truly bothers me, as a family member.
Let me get this off my chest: I got a call the other day from a guy asking for Tzedakah (charity). It was on Abba's phone. I kept Abba's phone number and I can tell you, once you're in Olam Haba (the world to come) they still ask you for money. The Shnurers and the organizations will still try to track you down. They're even sending my father calendars.
Abba ZT"L has been in Olam Haba for two and a half years. This past Rosh Hashana, he received twenty calendars. To note, I received not one. People already know they're not going to get any money out of me. And what happened to the books about rabbis and Megillahs? Have organizations decided that they should all send out calendars?
They send the calendars, just in case. H' can work miracles. Who's to say that they can't send money from Olam Haba. And would it not be a bad thing if Abba were to not know when Chanukah starts on the Jewish calendar in New York City?!
The Shnurer called because he thought Abba was in this physical world. I told him that he was in Olam Haba. He then went on to ask about my mother, in a rude way. He knew about Mom's aneurysm, which is why he probably gave my dad a break from Tzedakah. I could tell that the guy had received a lot from my dad. To end the call, after he got his information, he said, 'Interesting story.' It was the rudest interaction I had ever had. At least at the time I felt that way. I feel many interactions are the rudest. Yet, this was up there. A selfish person who only wanted money. He is not praying for anybody. He is just looking for money and a decent conversation piece. To him, it was just a story. The aneurysm and Abba's move to Olam Haba. Just a story.
At least he has a story now. When talking with his Shnurer friends at Kiddish, he might even have the Zechut (the honor) of having everybody's attention to tell them about the "RACHMANIS."
And for my Mom, the Shnurer didn't offer a Refuah Sheleyma. To him, it was just an interesting story and a let down, knowing that he might not get money from Abba. I am sure he will send Abba a calendar.

Now that I got that off my chest: People should be praying. That is what Abba is saying. Praying and/or helping. Abba appreciates the calls and the kindness expressed in emails, with a Refuah Sheleyma.  I don't believe those calls, cards and emails ended with 'interesting story.'
And Abba thanks those who are doing something to find him a transplant. He isn't saying that he just appreciates prayer. I think Abba would rather the people trying to find him a transplant try to find him a transplant, and not pray that they go find him a transplant. Pray and find. Between us, if they were truly spiritual Gd fearing Jews they wouldn't look for a transplant; they would just pray.
He did not thank people who are using him, as they do anybody dealing with illness, as a conversation piece.

Abba is full of thanks. He was always thankful to people. He was always appreciative of people. Those two go together. When you appreciate other people you can truly be thankful. That's a lesson for you to share. Sometimes, I have profoundness to share.
The problem is that most people give me nothing to thank them for. Ever since they stopped bringing the food to the house, it's hard to find something to thank them for. The first month or so you get food. After that, you get a leftover rugulach every once in a while.
Abba always expressed appreciation, especially for the elderly and doctors. He was appreciative of people. That is probably why he was honest. Why he loved seeing them laugh. And where the charisma exuded from.

The Kotel story: Abba put a Kvitel (a note of prayer) in the Kotel to ask Gd that my mother should be his wife. As he told the story, he pushed the note in and my mother pushed it out from the women's side. Every time he pushed it in, my mom would push it on the other side and it would pop back out. If I delivered the story well, it would be funny. I am sure the Shnurer would botch it up. It's good I didn't tell him the Kotel story.

Abba wanted health and a good long life. I don't know if he got the longer life he was praying for at the time. Though, in this physical Olam, he lived every moment to the fullest. What he gave and continues to give this Olam is of a full long life.
I sleep a lot. That's how I pray for long life. I do very little and sleep. And before I go to sleep, I pray it will be a good long sleep. Abba was active and he gave to this Olam.
Abba lived this physical Olam to the fullest. A romantic, my Mom is the only one for him. He took everything as a blessing from Gd. And for all of that, his life continues. His long life continues.

You can't ask people to do something they can't. I will addendumize Abba's request, as I know you will look it up. Look it up on Google and pray.

***For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.