Getting Ready for Shabbos
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — January 3, 2016

My daughter took this picture. Before I put on my Tzitzis
I'm posting it so people shouldn't think that I enter Shabbos with a miserable face.

His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba
Abba was Frum. I didn't realize how religious Abba was until I saw how he wrote Shabbos. You can tell how religious somebody is by how they spell Shabbis. Shabbos is very Frum. Shabbis is relatively Frum. Shabbat, and you are breaking every law of Shabbos. Probably making fires anywhere you have a chance to light a match.

My father had on a shirt. It's the more comfortable way to wear Tzitzis. You out the Tzitzis over an undershirt or a Tshirt, and then you can serve Gd in comfort. It was a picture of Abba smiling.
Sometimes you want to let people know you're OK. They're worried and a picture is a way of letting them know you're good. A picture with a smile. It wasn't a picture taken of me at a Simcha. A picture of me at a wedding does not exude happiness. It exudes a feeling of time being wasted on behalf of young happy people. My father at a Simcha, he had a smile.
The smile says everything. I have to smile more. I always got in trouble around the time of family pictures. I probably didn't smile because Abba was ripping out my hair, trying to get my cowlick to stay down.

There are pictures people post on social media on a yacht. Smiling on a yacht. Those pictures are there to get you mad. They're not letting you know they're OK. They're letting you know they're better than you.
Abba's picture says, "Have a Good Shabbos. I'm good. You should be good too. Even though you haven't visited, or cared to make a phone call. Just know I'm good. I'm here with cancer and I'm good. So go on with your selfish life and be happy. I'll cook my own food- Since you stopped sending food three weeks into cancer."

When family was around Abba didn't need visitors. He was happy with his family being around. Taking in the Nachis of his children. Unless if that was me. Then visitors were appreciated. And I would be able to bring out the chips, Diet Coke and ice, and ice cream for everybody. I learned as a kid that getting Diet Coke and ice was a Mitzvah. Getting Diet Coke and ice is called Kibud Av vEim. Honoring your parents when they're relaxing on a couch. I had good Chinuch growing up.

Abba had to put in the Tzitzis comment because people would've talked. "Our rabbi doesn't wear Tzitzit?!" And they would've said "Tzitzit." My father is Frummer than them. He says "Tzitzis."

And that is how you enter Shabbos. Smiling and good. You don't expect Shabbos to make things good. You expect Shabbat to make things good. Shabbos, you come in with energy to that. An energy that you developed learning in Yeshiva and living a Torah life for seventy years.
What you give to a day is what you will get out of it. I believe it's the Beatles who said, "The day you make is equal to the day you take." Or it might have been, "The Shabbos you make is equal to the Shabbos you take." I don't remember which one the Beatles said. But Abba took that lesson to heart and shared it. Sharing his smile and gratitude is what he had to do.

Postscript
I decided that we'll post the comments and my comments to the comments, and the stats, after all of Abba's Caring Bridge posts are finished. Otherwise, we'll get too caught up in people saying how much they care and how much they don't want to visit or send food. I'm still trying to figure out where all the food went from the beginning of cancer. When do they stop bringing the food?!
As rabbi, Abba should've made a rabbinic decree to bring food even when people are in remission, as they still have families in remission. And there is still Shabbos in remission.
People who keep Shabbat, you don't want them cooking Shabbos food for you. They have no idea how to make a decent Lukshen Kugel.

The smile was Abba's way of giving to his community. He was going into Shabbos with a smile and he wanted you to go into Shabbat with a smile too. Abba didn't judge you, even if you celebrated Shabbat every week.
It is all gratitude, as the smile in the picture that you can't see shows.

***For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.

PREVIOUS JOURNAL ENTRY THAT WAS MISPLACED
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — January 2, 2016
By Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — last edited Dec 24, 2015

Dear Friends and Family,
So I just finished the first round of chemotherapy. For seven days in succession they inject you three time under the skin. Fortunately, I had no adverse reaction other than enormous surges of fatigue and difficulty falling asleep. Now I have three weeks until the next round of chemo and will, G-d willing not feel so weak. I do, however, need to go to the clinic every other day for blood work and platelet and blood transfusions.

The illness I have is MDS - Myelodysplastic Syndrome. It is a diverse bone marrow disorder in which the bone marrow does not produce enough healthy blood cells. Also referred to as bone marrow failure. You could probably google it to find out more. I however, hope that you use your precious time to pray on my behalf.
Once again, I don't know how to thank enough the many who have sent emails, cards, calls and food. I also thank those who are ardently working on a match for the Bone Marrow Transplant. May Hashem bless you all.

Above all, there aren't sufficient expressions of gratitude for my wife Nechie other than thanking G-d for listening to my Kvitel (written prayer) that I placed in the Kotel in August of 1968 on our first date at the Western Wall in Yerushalayim. Like then, I hope Hashem will continue to answer my prayers for good health and Arichat Yamim (long life)

His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba 
Previous misplaced entry is the title. That is Abba. Honesty. And that is what made him a great humorist and funny person. That is what added to the genuineness that is the charisma that people to this day still visualize. An Emes. A truth.

Chemotherapy was a big thing for our family. We all showed up to it. Aunts, uncles. Our family doesn't waste an opportunity to be together for a Simcha. And here, we got free ginger ale and granola bars. That made my aunt happy.
'Surges of fatigue and difficulty falling asleep.' I get that every day. That's asides from the point. Regarding Abba and the lack of sleep, at least this time it wasn't my fault.
Abba is making chemotherapy and blood platelet transfusions sound easy. I was there. It was not easy. I had to get the drinks from the fridge. I had to get the Diet Coke and chips every evening. It really does make you tired. I had to fill up the ice cream bowl and bring it to Abba. The daily routine of chemotherapy is not that easy. I was very fatigued. I am extremely self-absorbed.

Instead of looking it up on Google, Abba wants people to pray. As a rabbi, you try to get people to pray. It doesn't happen. They're all on Google, trying to figure out why they didn't become a physician, and talking during services.
Abba wanted people to pray. What else do you want from them?! To pray and bring food. If they're not bringing food, then what else can they do?!
I hate when people ask me how somebody is doing, to find out they only want the information. Abba is telling people to do more than have a conversation about him. Though, you can't stop congregants from talking Lashon Hara about you.
I wish everybody took that lesson of prayer to heart. If you're asking genuinely, because you truly care and want to bring food, then ask and find out. If you're not bringing food, then pray.
I wish Abba would've mentioned food. I was at the house at this point, and people bringing Kugels and lox would've been appreciated. Very disappointing.

People asking about the illness for simple talking points truly bothers me, as a family member.
Let me get this off my chest: I got a call the other day from a guy asking for Tzedakah (charity). It was on Abba's phone. I kept Abba's phone number and I can tell you, once you're in Olam Haba (the world to come) they still ask you for money. The Shnurers and the organizations will still try to track you down. They're even sending my father calendars.
Abba ZT"L has been in Olam Haba for two and a half years. This past Rosh Hashana, he received twenty calendars. To note, I received not one. People already know they're not going to get any money out of me. And what happened to the books about rabbis and Megillahs? Have organizations decided that they should all send out calendars?
They send the calendars, just in case. H' can work miracles. Who's to say that they can't send money from Olam Haba. And would it not be a bad thing if Abba were to not know when Chanukah starts on the Jewish calendar in New York City?!
The Shnurer called because he thought Abba was in this physical world. I told him that he was in Olam Haba. He then went on to ask about my mother, in a rude way. He knew about Mom's aneurysm, which is why he probably gave my dad a break from Tzedakah. I could tell that the guy had received a lot from my dad. To end the call, after he got his information, he said, 'Interesting story.' It was the rudest interaction I had ever had. At least at the time I felt that way. I feel many interactions are the rudest. Yet, this was up there. A selfish person who only wanted money. He is not praying for anybody. He is just looking for money and a decent conversation piece. To him, it was just a story. The aneurysm and Abba's move to Olam Haba. Just a story.
At least he has a story now. When talking with his Shnurer friends at Kiddish, he might even have the Zechut (the honor) of having everybody's attention to tell them about the "RACHMANIS."
And for my Mom, the Shnurer didn't offer a Refuah Sheleyma. To him, it was just an interesting story and a let down, knowing that he might not get money from Abba. I am sure he will send Abba a calendar.

Now that I got that off my chest: People should be praying. That is what Abba is saying. Praying and/or helping. Abba appreciates the calls and the kindness expressed in emails, with a Refuah Sheleyma.  I don't believe those calls, cards and emails ended with 'interesting story.'
And Abba thanks those who are doing something to find him a transplant. He isn't saying that he just appreciates prayer. I think Abba would rather the people trying to find him a transplant try to find him a transplant, and not pray that they go find him a transplant. Pray and find. Between us, if they were truly spiritual Gd fearing Jews they wouldn't look for a transplant; they would just pray.
He did not thank people who are using him, as they do anybody dealing with illness, as a conversation piece.

Abba is full of thanks. He was always thankful to people. He was always appreciative of people. Those two go together. When you appreciate other people you can truly be thankful. That's a lesson for you to share. Sometimes, I have profoundness to share.
The problem is that most people give me nothing to thank them for. Ever since they stopped bringing the food to the house, it's hard to find something to thank them for. The first month or so you get food. After that, you get a leftover rugulach every once in a while.
Abba always expressed appreciation, especially for the elderly and doctors. He was appreciative of people. That is probably why he was honest. Why he loved seeing them laugh. And where the charisma exuded from.

The Kotel story: Abba put a Kvitel (a note of prayer) in the Kotel to ask Gd that my mother should be his wife. As he told the story, he pushed the note in and my mother pushed it out from the women's side. Every time he pushed it in, my mom would push it on the other side and it would pop back out. If I delivered the story well, it would be funny. I am sure the Shnurer would botch it up. It's good I didn't tell him the Kotel story.

Abba wanted health and a good long life. I don't know if he got the longer life he was praying for at the time. Though, in this physical Olam, he lived every moment to the fullest. What he gave and continues to give this Olam is of a full long life.
I sleep a lot. That's how I pray for long life. I do very little and sleep. And before I go to sleep, I pray it will be a good long sleep. Abba was active and he gave to this Olam.
Abba lived this physical Olam to the fullest. A romantic, my Mom is the only one for him. He took everything as a blessing from Gd. And for all of that, his life continues. His long life continues.

You can't ask people to do something they can't. I will addendumize Abba's request, as I know you will look it up. Look it up on Google and pray.

***For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.

Shabbat Report
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — January 1, 2016

First let me express my gratitude to the many who came to the Bone Marrow Donor night. Close to 100 people were there and 80 swabs were collected. I was told that the number exceeded all expectations. Thank you all so much. To Tim and Pat and all those who work so hard for ROC4Israel, and from all over our Jewish community. I hope one day I will be able to properly express my appreciation for all your kindness, love and concern. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
I know that there are other evenings and venues being organized to conduct a search in my honor and I thank you so much.

This past week several things have changed . I go to Wilmot Cancer Center at Strong every other day for either a platelet infusion or blood transfusion. Having had my first round of chemotherapy , it seems that it's starting to take effect already. This week the blood transfusion wasn't necessary because the number was high enough however I still needed platelet infusion.

On a brighter note , trying to think positive, the New Year 2016 is a good 'gematria'...2016 equals 20+16=36  DOUBLE CHAI....

I received many calls this week from so many , and so many gifts of food from Hillel School and so many friends Lipmans, Sabra and  Rochester is "KOSHER SOUP CITY' ...wow!!Thanks to all and even with all the goodies I still lost 15 lbs. We are keeping all the cards and lists of those who have helped and one future day you will receive a thank you card. The staff at Wilmot are all just wonderful

This week also my daughter came in from Israel. Her smile and help makes me stronger. Next week my eldest is coming in from Israel.
I thank my friend for getting a special recliner temporarily which assists me with alleviating the back problems that have challenged me during this period.

Now for the good news. On Tuesday evening when the Bone Marrow testing was being conducted, I received a message from the Bone Marrow Transplant unit. They potentially received a perfect match for me and on Wednesday they called and told us that there are another two potential perfect matches , three in all. To use their expression 'Rabbi this is awesome'. You could imagine the happiness we felt at home laughing and crying... There is HOPE... B'EH
I attribute this to all the prayers, tehillim and  the act of kindness displayed by all who came out to have the swabbing. There will be others who will benefit. It takes 4-6 weeks to process. But so many might also be helped on my behalf.
In Pirke Avot....'Lafum Tzaara Agrah', according to the effort is the reward' I believe the outpouring of love and concern for me awarded me these potential donors.

So this is my report for now....Thank you , Thank You , Thank You.... nurses, technicians, doctors, family, friends .....have a wonderful Shabbos and I will keep this positive attitude alive. Also please pray for our friend's mother who is quite ill and for another friend who is in rehab at the Jewish Home and for our doctor friend who recently had hip surgery...they should have a refua shleymah......love....Rabbi Kilimnick

His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba 
(written with the style of length of the Beit Yosef)
Abba starts with gratitude. I learned myself to always start with gratitude. When you don't, people get antsy. That means a good forty-five minutes of speech or performance where people are thinking how ungrateful you are. Ungrateful and self-centered e goes by with people think how unappreciative and self-centered Last three minutes, when the thank yous come out, they're cursing at me, saying stuff like 'he's just thanking us because he has to. That selfish...' Because of that nasty response, I sometimes forget to thank people altogether. 
Abba is expressing true appreciation, because HaKarat HaTov, recognizing of the good, comes first. Appreciation comes first. If you don't thank them right away, you'll start to see how annoying they are. Thank them before seeing their online comments, before you want to take it back. This is why they thanked all the people coming to the bone marrow donor night, before they were tested, with a 'thank you for coming.' After dealing with all their questions, the organizers were saying, 'Please go.' The organizers with a sense of calmness said, 'Thank you for leaving.'

The bone marrow donor night with a hundred people who cared. That means something to Abba. That ROC4Israel group looked up to Abba, and through that Israel connection, they showed their care. One hundred people showed and eighty swabs. Who the twenty people were that showed and didn't swab. Shame. Maybe the twenty were picketing, staging a protest against bone marrow transplants.
I don't know how Israel advocacy is connected with bone marrow transplants. I can tell you, advocates are good at staging a protest. I can also tell you that Abba's donor was from Israel. I can also tell you that many Israelis are bone marrow conscientious. They care about other people's health. I can also tell you that if ROC4Israel would've raised money and sent my parents on a trip to Israel, with hotels fully covered, that would've also been appreciated by Abba. Sending my parents to Israel would've helped the ROC4Israel cause.

'Properly express my appreciation.' Abba wants to someday give back. He gave a lot to people. I think he already showed his appreciation by trying to be there for all of their life cycle events.

It was a search in Abba's honor, and it hopefully helped other people. Honories very rarely get anything for their being honored. I know that. I was Bar Mitzvahed. The shul made a lot of money off my Bar Mitzvah. I got acknowledgment cards from the shul that people donated in my honor. In Abba's case, a donor came from somewhere else.
It goes to show that if you put out a prayer for other people, you will receive that prayer yourself. That's why I always pray for other people. I am hoping I will reap benefits.
We learn this from Avraham who praise for the people of Gerar to have children, and then Sarah has a child. It's a sneaky move, but it works. And thanks to praying on behalf of other people, the Jewish nation is here. It says nothing about Avraham giving money to Gerar, on behalf of Yaakov. That would be a waste of money, and a depletion of Yaakov's inheritance. To note, I never got money from the shul.
Abba expresses Hakarat Hatov. It's the appreciation of others and gratitude is what makes the world go round, even if you go broke doing it, stuck in Rochester with no trip to Israel.

This is the start of the transfusions and chemotherapy. Going to Strong Hospital every other day now. That's the life. You become connected to it. It's a life separate from the community. It's your backstage. It's where you sit and take the pain, and do it with dignity. And then you show up to work and listen to the board complaining. You show up to the factory and your boss tells you you're late. You show up after a day of chemo, and they have you running errands.
Abba has a positive outlook that it's taking effect. I don't know if it's the chemo. I do believe it's that he doesn't have to see the congregants.

2016 is Double Chai. Two lives. This is Abba going for a second life. For me, 2016 was another year with no woman. The second life concept is one that Abba could turn into a great Dvar Torah. He can make it inspirational. If I said something like that, people would say I was an idiot. When my father said it, it touched their souls. A second life. A second chance at doing Mitzvahs.

Rochester is Kosher Soup City. The Rochesterians are big on sending soup. A lot of food. Everybody sends food. Gifts of food. That's the Jewish tradition. When you hear somebody's sick, you try to make them fatter.
'Thanks to all and even with all the goodies I still lost 15 lbs.' Abba lost 15 pounds. They were sending soup. You can't put on weight with soup.​
That was when Abba knew he was sick. When he was started losing weight, he knew there was an issue. He kept it positive with the 'soup city' quote. But he was really trying to tell people to send some decent food. In the beginning, they sent decent food, and then it turned into soup. It had you questioning if it was worth it to not feel well in Rochester.

Keeping the cards is correct. The dining room table is full of cards. We got cards. Not money. I would've been more excited visiting home, if I saw money on the dining room table. Seeing 'Get Better' all over the table had me feeling like I was sick.
My parents were big on thank you cards. I thought it was only for my Bar Mitzvah, where they made me do it. It turns out that thank you cards make all gifts not worth it. I learned that at my Bar Mitzvah. 
If you didn't receive a card, know that my dad enjoyed your gift more than if he would've sent the card. Maybe you can calm down, get over it, and chalk it up to the fact that he had cancer. I've got to say, congregants are very needy.

Children coming in from Israel. That always brought joy to Abba. Knowing his kids are in Israel and knowing they're visiting. It was hard to satisfy both at the same time. Nonetheless, each of those brought him Nachis.
Got the special recliner. It makes it all worth it. It's an electric recliner where you don't have to use your legs to stand or sit. It does everything for you. That recliner brought a lot of joy to cancer. 

During the Bone Marrow testing, potential matches came in for Abba. I'm telling you, your prayers are answered when you pray for others. Donations won't help you get gifts. But prayers for others help.
They said it's awesome. That's how you know they're from Rochester. Rochesterians always use the word 'awesome.' I do it to this day. They also add a few 'e's to the end of every Jewish word. Challee, Havdalee, Shmatee.

There is HOPE. Hope is the one thing that kept Abba going. Hope, leftovers from before we had soup, and that recliner. 
Hope and BE"H (with the help of God) go together. You can have hope when you believe in God. Hope is what keeps you alive. It's your drive. Once Abba had that, he was good to go. Seeing the people come out, and knowing he had a donor, he had so much more strength. I know, because congregants started coming to him with complaints.
There was a lot of emotion in the house. When you see that hope, when there's a ray of light in that dark, you cry. A cry of hope and God's truth. A cry you can only have around the ones you love. Other people would try to figure out what you're crying about, and send you soup.
​
Abba attributes it to prayer and kindness. The kindness of those who came out to the marrow donor night. They, along with the donor, brought out the hope. And others will benefit as well. It's circular. Everything we do in this world is circular. And that's why you give decent food. Trust me, when you have a fever, you're going to want a meal. Not just matzah ball soup.
Abba takes the Pirkei Avot of according to the pain is the reward, to mean effort. And the effort here is the outpouring of love. I can tell you, that takes effort. It's easier to send soup.

Abba thanks everybody and wishes everybody a wonderful Shabbbat.
And ensures all that he will keep the positive attitude. That of hope. Abba found strength in sharing that hope.
And more Hakarat HaTov to the Wilmot Cancer Center staff. Abba appreciated them more than anybody else. Appreciation added a good fifteen minutes to each appointment. Abba wanted to make sure they knew it.

And then he wishes the other people a Refuah Sheleymah, urging people to pray for their healing.
'They should have a refua sheleymah.' No matter your situation, you pray for others. I put it out there for others, so God will give me what I want.
As Abba would've said it, 'Prayer is not said in a vacuum.' We all affect one another. Abba is teaching the reason for prayer here. We're in this world together. And if there is ever a human being that felt the pain of others, it was Abba. Abba truly cared about other people, which is why he always made sure they were fed. College students, community members, Abba fed people. And now we're stuck getting soup. I'm having a hard time getting over the soup.
Appreciation is also cyclical. Abba gave to the community, and they gave back. It all comes back around to make for a better world. One with more hope. And we hoped for better food over the next weeks.
I have noticed that it's cyclical to a certain extent. There are a lot of selfish people out there. They should know that there is no appreciation for them. There is no appreciation for people who protest bone marrow donations.

When you have Hakarat HaTov, you have hope. When you get a card saying the shul got money in your name, you have nothing. No hope and no money.
If Abba felt up to it, he would've properly shown appreciation by making sure the community had decent food. A full meal. Not just soup.

It was a good Shabbat, with a lot of soup.

Stats: 8 hearts 20 comments
Comments are mostly about the transplant, the match, Nissim (miracles) and Abba back at shul. They want him to work. That's why they want him to get better. To Note: If people cared about matches for single people this much, there wouldn't be so many single Jews. They should have a registry, looking all over the globe, where they do shidduchs based on bone marrow.
They talk about his great Rabbinic leadership. They wish him a full recovery. Not a part of the recovery. If it's not a full recovery, it will be hard to do the job they want him to do for them. For him to properly do the prePesach Kashering of their kitchen, he needs a full recovery. He needs the energy.
They're still looking to him for inspiration. Abba's speech between mincha and maariv was beautiful, touching and inspirational. I remember. Nobody taped it. People didn't care about the speech afterwards. The inspiration was done. They wanted it taped. It turns out that members of the shul need inspiration or a recording. If there's a recording, they don't need to be inspired. It can be filed.
People remember their times in Rochester and Little Rock. If Abba didn't give his all to the people, nobody would care. They wouldn't need him to perform the weddings, or Kasher their kitchens.
Somebody gave a speech about other people caring, and that's why there's a match. If people donated bone marrow without caring, there wouldn't be a match. You need the caring. Another person gave a pep talk about keeping up the spirits. It's all beautiful. They never visited. They were very involved in the spirit of things.
At least somebody wrote a note about happiness. Not just health. Most people are out there praying for health and depression. They want you to be healthy and not happy. 'They're healthy… They're on their own now. Can't stand them...’ Most people aren't about the spirits.
Still a lot of thinking. People do a lot of thinking for people. I don't know if that means prayer. Maybe they're thinking about praying. Maybe it means they were thinking of getting a gift, but decided not to. Maybe they're thinking about how much they hate other people. All I know is that a lot of people are out there thinking, with high spirits, some happiness. 
'Wonderful news'? Better news would be no cancer. When things are real bad, anything is wonderful. Surgery is amazing. A joy. You get smacked and tell people, they're so happy. 'He felt it.'
One person calls the cancer an enemy. And likens Abba to being at war. At this point, he doesn't have a lot of energy. But the congregants expect that from their rabbi. Got to go to war all the time. I hope they're not thinking of sending Abba out to battle. Congregants can be extremely vindictive.
They all care.

***For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.

Reb Shaya
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — December 30, 2015

Once again I thank you all for participating in last night's match for bone marrow (drive. The outpouring of love was enormous) and I know it will lead to success. I think all those who have been involved and trust HASHEM'S  guiding hand will find us a donor who will be able to share continued life.

His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba 

Stats: 10 hearts. 14 comments. Hearts go down again. Possibly because they were at the bone marrow drive.
A lot of people thinking about Abba, Mommy and our family. They said 'we're thinking of you.' I hope they're not thinking how messed up I am. That would be messed up. They didn't define what they are thinking about us, so it has me thinking. I just hope they're thinking good stuff. Maybe they're thinking they should do a prayer. I'm not sure. I do know that they're thinking. Maybe it's a mathematical kind of thing where they have to think real hard. I don't know.
Many people have called. Some haven't. I am guessing that some haven't thought to call. I can tell you that my parents didn't get a call from them. Maybe they're thinking about calling. Maybe the concept of calling and how phones are amazing. That's probably what they're thinking of us.
Truth: everybody calling would be too much. It's tough to figure out whether it's better to get a call or a comment saying 'we're thinking of you.' Either way, there's a lot of love. However, if there's a call, there's a chance of conversation. At that point, people might stop thinking.

Not everybody could donate bone marrow, due to health, they offered other stuff. Peggy offered her hip, which was very kind of her. The bone marrow drive is about helping anybody that needs a bone marrow transplant. We shouldn't stop there. People need hips too.
People are still praying for a Refuah Sheleyma, a full recovery, as well as thinking about Abba. 
From the comments, I can see they're sending love and thinking about sending love too. The only thing that bothered me is they told Abba 'we hope you find a match.' He's in a loving marriage with my mom. Just the thought that people would suggest that.
They also wished Abba strength. He needed that to deal with all the messages. There were the comments, then he got emails and phone calls. Then there was the answering machine. That takes a lot of strength.

The people showing up to the event was a testament to the loving and caring community. They said it was for my dad, but none of them were a match for him. I just pray they didn't show because of how much they like flanken (had to put that in).
From the comments, I learned that old people can't be bone marrow donors. At least it seems they can't be a match. Maybe that's because most of them are married. (I'm milking these puns today. Got the match and the bone marrow. Can't stop this kind of brilliant comedy.)

You try to help somebody and you end up helping somebody else. That's what bone marrow drives are for. I remember many of times where I have tried to help my friends in a fight, and they ended up getting hurt worse, by the other guy. I don't know if that is the lesson. However, when you put the idea of help out into the world, other people benefit. 
You show up to the drive because you care about your friend. They take your blood and you hopefully get some ice cream. Then, they figure out if there's a match that can use your bone marrow. If there's a match, you show up for the procedure and you saved the life of somebody who is not your friend. Chances are that other person hates Jews. 
You have to show up for the procedure. If you don't, you're not a donor, just a match. Which is why I don't think they should call it a drive, but 'possible donor day.' Otherwise, people think they've done their job by getting checked, and the recipient of the match is duped.  

When you do selfless acts, they end up making there way somewhere else in the world. This is why I never tried to help too much. I didn't want the wrong people being helped. That was until I heard that it can also come back to help me.
By prayer, we learn in the Gemara that when you pray for others, you get answered first. Talmud Baba Kama 92a teaches, Raba said to Rabbah bar Mari: Where can we derive the lesson that our Rabbis taught us, that whoever prays for mercy on behalf of his friend, while he himself is in need of the same thing, he will be answered first? Rabbah bar Mari replied that we can derive that from the verse: (Iyov 42:10) “And god changed the fortune of Iyov (Job) when he prayed for his friends”. Raba replied to Rabbah bar Mari, You say it is from that verse, but I say it is from this verse: (Bereishit 20:17) “And Abraham prayed to God and God healed Avimelech, his wife and his maidservants and they bore children”, and immediately after that it says:  (Bereishit 21:1-2) “And god remembered Sarah as he had said…and Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age”. (translation from jewishnews.com)
So, we see that there is a reason to pray for other people. I figured I would quote the whole thing so that you can pull out what you want to learn from it.

People apparently showed up to the drive. That's a positive. Kind of like when they donate to the shul in your honor, and you don't see the money.
The love and care was put out there. I hope this bone marrow drive helped people love and care more, and to make it a better world for somebody out there that we'll never meet. Even if they're praying to not be a match for somebody. It's a pain and the procedure is a whole process, and you miss work. Even so, it's still beautiful. They're praying.

'I think all those who have been involved and trust HASHEM'S guiding hand will find us a donor who will be able to share continued life.' 'Sharing' was the word. That person who donated the bone marrow, he was part of Abba's life. He shared in whatever Abba did. All the Mitzvot.
Abba had Hakarat Hatov, recognition of the kindness done for him. If you ever sat with Abba and a doctor, you would know this. Many doctors thought about quitting after seeing Abba. As one doctor said, 'I can't do work that helps people this much. There is too much appreciation. I need more animosity in my life. All of my enmity can't just come from my family.'
Abba only had upmost respect and appreciation for anybody who ever tried to help him, no matter how bad of a job they did. Even the guy who trimmed the hedges at a messed up angle, Abba showed him great appreciation. Being with my dad at hotels, it was the same. Abba had respect for all professionals that were trying to do good. They shared in life, even if that guy is still messing up people's gardens. And that life continues, even now that Abba is in Olam HaNishamot. Appreciation lives. And the guy is still messing up people's gardens, empowered by Abba.

'I know it will lead to success.' When you believe in HASHEM you understand that it is all for good. When people intend to do positive, it will be for good. You have to say that when working with community. The members of the shul mess up so many events and decent Kiddishes. They intend to do a decent Kiddish, and then they bring out gefilte fish balls.
There is trust that HASHEM will find the donor. The prayers, the thoughts, the donor information is out there. That's a success. As my grandma's generation taught me, 'success is about money.' 
Abba's idea of success was life. As he always said, 'uBacharta baChaim,' choose life. He always chose life. He lived and chose life. And he had faith in life. He had faith that HASHEM would make it good. Every day was a chance to live. And we lived as religious Jews. We ate a lot.
Even when Abba was sick, he ate as much as he could. He enjoyed God's world and thanked God for it. That appreciation continues.
No matter how much Hakarat HaTov Abba had for people, he had much more for God. 'HASHEM'S guiding hand will find us a donor.' Abba always believed HASHEM makes the decisions. Not all the doctors liked hearing that. That part of Hakarat HaTov wasn't appreciated by the doctors of atheist lineage. They didn't like hearing that they were God's messenger.
As he would tell anybody else, 'Nobody knows God's calendar.' Not even the thousands of nonprofits that send us one every year. 
These nonprofits must think we really like calendars in the Kilimnick household. Abba is still getting calendars from them. Even in Olam Haba Abba has to worry about Zmanim and giving his yearly donations to every Jewish organization.
Abba's faith lives on. The Jewish organizations know that.

Hakarat HaTov,  and Emunah (faith), are the two messages here. They're the message of everything my father did. That and a sense of humor is Reb Shaya.

For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.

Sunday Sunday
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — December 27, 2015

​This past Shabbos was so nice. Rachi & Ron, Lipman's , Jane, Carmalia, etc. sent over food  for Shabbos. My son and grandchildren from New Jersey were here as well. It was a beautiful Shabbos of Divre Torah and Zmirot.
Sunday we were at Wilmot Cancer center for blood transfusion. I only needed platelets and we were there for around 2 hours. I came home exhausted but rested. My back started to feel better today as well.
I don't know how to thank you all enough for Tefillot, Prayers, cards, donations, from all my family friends and colleagues from across the world.
The only sad thing is that I will not be able to return to shul for another 3-5 months. I now understand King David's Lament (Psalm 27) .'One thing I ask of G-d , which is most important , is to dwell in the House of G-d and and to immerse myself in His pleasantness and to appreciate his Sanctuary'
I miss the daily minyan, Shabbos dovening. I am committed however to once again be able to be there, teach Torah, and to lead .
Love to all. Rabbi Kilimnick

His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba 

12 hearts
People are commenting that they need Abba back in shul and they can't do it without him. That's a lot of pressure for somebody going through transfusions. Selfish. Trying to get him to work when he's down on platelets. 'You're a pillar of our community.' Others were not in town, so they said they won't go out of their way to visit, until they come back. They all wanted him back in shul. We still want him back in shul. Since Abba's move to Olam Haba, nothing is more apparent than Beth Sholom is his shul. His Neshama built the place, with my Mom. Their friendliness and energy. People wanted my father back in shul and he wanted to be there. That was his community that he built, and that he continued. He respected those people. Those who came before him. He saw so many of them as Tzadikim. 
He has people rooting for him. Cancer is like a sport for these people. They want him to beat it. You root for the anti-cancer team.
There is some Chizuk, most of which is about Abba. There is expression of his leadership, even at this moment, how people appreciate it. But nobody could show that appreciation of the person more than Abba. ​I have never seen a rabbi respect their elders like my dad.

I always said, telling people that you are in remission was the worst idea. When my father got to remission, the congregants started coming to him with their complaints. It was endless. It's like they started stockpiling complaints from the time he got cancer. Notebooks full. Complaints like 'where were you?' was messed up.
​
Sunday Sunday. Abba loved Sundays. 'Everyday is Sunday at Carvel.' Sunday was family day when Abba was a kid. They would get in the car and visit family. One of his greatest stories of comedic prowess was when they would go to an event as a family in the middle of the week. He was a kid and when his mother would yell at his father, his father would respond in a frustrated tone, 'You're going to turn this into a Sunday?!'
That's comedy that touches the soul. Abba dealt on that level. That's what made him so funny. He touched people's souls. He would have people rolling in that soulful laughter, and when he felt it, he would keep bringing it.

Shabbat was great. There was food. We didn't see people, but we saw food. I think the food meant more to Abba than the people. As important as the community is to Abba, they are not brisket and lamb chops. It was so much better to see the food than them.
Abba always made Shabbat great. Shabbat in my house was living. It was always alive, thanks to my mother and father. My brother being there with his family is definitely what brought my father the true joy of Shabbat. He wasn't eating as much (still, just seeing food brought happiness- seeing a lot of food, as it should).
My brother took Zmirot (Shabbat songs) and Dvrei Torah (words of Torah thought) to the next level at the Shabbat meal. His family is bringing joy to Abba. I'm not a big fan of the elementary school Dvar Torah, where I have to listen to them read what the teacher told them in school that week. As the uncle, I am sitting there asking why they don't teach speed-reading at these places. The parents and grandparents love it. It's pure Nachis. As an uncle, I get Nachis seeing the kids enjoy brisket; I know that kid will be a good Jew. 
All I can think, with so many people they could've sent more food.

'All I needed was platelets.' That's not a small thing. You need them to not bleed out everything. At this point, Abba's view on life was one of appreciation. He appreciated having the platelets. He appreciated Shabbat. He appreciated the doctors. He appreciated them more than anybody can imagine.
The way that Abba spoke about doctors, thank God at least one of his children made him proud. For me, he would have to justify my being a comedian with lines like, 'He's a joke surgeon. He dissects jokes.'
Always a bad back. You reach forty-five and you have a bad back. The rest of your life is suffered with a bad back. Some people make it to their 100s, with a bad back. You reach forty-five and all you want is a massage. You need massages and have a bad back.

'We were there.' That can mean two people or twelve people. That depends on how much family wanted to join in the cancer treatment celebration that day. Going for cancer treatments was an event in the beginning.
I remember the Wilmot Cancer Center. Great ginger ale and granola bars. They served that ginger ale with the crushed ice. So, our whole family showed. We had aunts and uncles coming in for granola. Word of crushed ice must've got out, as relatives that skipped Bar Mitzvahs showed.
Abba doesn't mention how much food we took off the cart. It was a lot.
That free stuff in the beginning of the cancer treatment was amazing. The problem is they didn't have enough food for our family and the people being treated as well. At a certain point, we had to let the cousins know that we had to cut off ginger ale requests at first cousins. Second cousins and anything with a 'removed' couldn't expect ginger ale and crushed ice.
Our whole family was showing up. It was a woman with a transfusion, another woman with a transfusion, a guy with a transfusion, Abba, my aunt reclining on the chair, a cousin chilling, myself on my computer, another four relatives eating pretzels, granola bars, and drinking ginger ale.
They had the sign they put up a week after we were there. 'Only two people allowed per patient.' They should've written, 'No more than two Kilimnicks. We don't have enough granola and crushed ice for everybody.'
It was at this time that Abba was already friends with the other people being treated. He made a community wherever he went.

The appreciation is there. Appreciation of people, of community, of their good. If there's something I learned as son of Abba, it's appreciation. It's Hakarat HaTov. Seeing the good in people and appreciating them. Appreciating their good. Teffilot (prayers), cards, donations. No idea where those donations went. That's still a mystery. Nobody donated to my parent's vacation fund. I didn't see any of that donation money.
It seems they gave money to whomever they wanted, then they said, 'And let that be in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick.' I think I saw one of the letters from the Jewish Federation in honor of Abba. It said, 'You will never see this money. Thank you for being sick.'

Not being at shul was extremely hard for Abba. He was a rabbi and remains the spiritual leader of his congregation. He lived that life in this world. He loved his shul, connected with his congregants. Him saying that he will pray in the shul alone with all of the people who have passed to Olam HaEmet is a testament to his character and commitment. He mentioned that sentiment countless times. His connection to shul was to the soul of the shul. His not being able to be there physically, hurt that commitment to the past generations. It's much easier to love congregants when you don't have to hear them complain.
Not being able to pray at shul meant Abba was praying at home. And when I visited, it made it harder to be loud in the house. Abba was taking a lot of time praying. I think it was his way of getting out of having to answer the phone.
It's that connection with the past, and respect, that makes Abba the pillar of the community. I would say, more of the root of the community.

Abba always brings Torah. That's his way. A true rabbi and spiritual leader. As King David only wanted to live in the Sanctuary of God. That was Abba. Only wanting to live in God's Sanctuary. The perfect Pasuk (sentence). He was amazing with finding the meaning in Torah. For me, dwelling in the House of God meant hanging out at home, watching TV. We each find our own meaning in the Torah.

He always had hope. Always hope. Always a commitment. A commitment to get back and lead and teach, and to be part of his community, his people. His commitment and desire to give was his hope. That's why he told people about remission. I told him not to, as they were waiting to pounce with issues.
And he did come back and lead. He led Musaf. Thank God, he led for more years.
As Abba would quote (can't quote the person Abba quoted- maybe Dr. Sobel) 'Healing is what's between the ears.' That means it's in the head. Not everybody catches onto that. Abba lived by that.
Positive Mental Attitude. I remember hearing that, when Abba was talking with a boxing promoter on the way back from the Kotel. The ideas the promoter shared of ducking and weaving didn't stick with me. However, I have took in that positive mental attitude that is necessary for a champion boxer. I would definitely get into that ring confident that I will get hurt.
Abba listened to people. Wanted to get to know them. And he shared their teachings and stories, no matter who they were. Everybody has something to offer, and Abba respected people. Every Jew is a holy Neshama (soul), and Abba believe that. So many stories from Shiva were about how Abba heard people for who they are. I wouldn't want to be judged like that.
Nobody met people like Abba. The greatest ability to connect with strangers. Truly connect. I come from a family that knows how to connect with people. A good family. It's good to know that my family is about community. My aunts and uncles are great community people too. They connect with people. As I saw, they will get to know the history of a stranger's life, if there's a chance they can score more ginger ale and granola.

Abba had a spiritual connection his people, his shul, his community. And he was loved for that. He loved people. Abba loved people and will forever love people. People and food.
Abba saw the good in people, even if their donations had nothing to do with him, other than his name. Even if they could've given more food, Abba appreciated their good. He learned from them all. And nobody more than his elder congregants. 
מפני שיבה תקום והדרת פני זקן- ויקרא י"ט:ל"ב I hope my father is schepping some Nachis with my use of the Pasuk of respecting older people, and standing for them. Would I give up a seat in shul for them? I'll have to think about that.

For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.

​Good Shabbos to All
Journal Entry by Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick — December 17, 2015
          
Dear Family and Friends,
Today I had my third chemo treatment. So far, I am doing well and all the nurses, doctors and staff are wonderful. Today was BH (Blessed is God) better than yesterday. I am also having blood and platelet infusions a few times a week and blood work as well. My sister has come up from Florida to be with us and her children are here this weekend. My children came up to help. Some even flew in from Israel. They have been a wonderful help. The kids, still in Israel, are coming to be here. They have called almost every day. Some of my dear colleagues and friends  have been calling continuously from Israel and all over the country and a special visit from Rabbi & Mrs. Reuven Bulka and Rabbi Poupko was greatly appreciated. 

I am so appreciative of all the wonderful emails with words of encouragement, Hakarat Hatov and Tefillot. All of the messages have been a great source of encouragement and I thank you all. 
I know it's a long way to recovery and I am willing to travel on that Journey......It's a must. There is no alternative. I am grateful for all the love and caring from my Dear friend and Doctor, Bernie Susman. I have a wonderful Hematologist, and his associates. Above all I am so fortunate to have my wonderful wife who has been at my side every moment. And my children and children-in-law to assist me. And most of all to the members of Beth Sholom and the Rochester community for all their love and assistance.
UVACHARTA B'CHAYIM.....HASHEM INSTRUCTS US TO 'CHOOSE LIFE' ...This is my time to perform this demanding Mitzvah and with Hashem's help, the source of my strength, Ezri Ma'im Hashem....My tefilot are asking Hashem to listen to the prayers of so many on my behalf. I Trust He will. 
I wish everyone a wonderful Shabbos and Brachot to your families
Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick
 
His Child's Commentary & Lessons He Learned from Abba
16 hearts to Abba’s first post. The first post about the starting Caring Bridge, the posting platform had 71 hearts. I don't know how the hearts of the people went down 55 hearts. I thought this post was much deeper than the post that said 'Abba will be posting here.' It just goes to show, it's not the content. I'm happy there are only hearts on the Caring Bridge sharing platform. If there were likes, people would've been giving thumbs up to 'I got cancer.' I believe the heart emoji says it all.

I truly respect my father for sharing his Torah philosophy while in the darkest physical state of his life. He truly found Simcha, happiness, in the darkest of times, and shared that in the form of strength. Even in hurt, he lived the experience to the fullest.
My Abba’s first entry is very honest. He was going through a lot at the time, and he stood strong. He said he was going to make it through. He had Emunah, belief.
Friends and family visiting gives purpose, meaning and strength. The phone calls also give my father strength. It is the people visiting that is of value to my father. Those who don’t are not helping.
Abba wanted people to visit and make phone calls. Those two were really important, until you called too much. If you called on the house phone, it was too much. That thing was loud and nobody wanted to answer it. It would ring and you either had to get up from your comfortable position on the couch, or yell at everybody else in the house to answer it. The house phone ringing was the most tense thing that happened during the cancer run. It was a struggle every time, and only added to sickness. Lesson: If you're calling somebody who is healing, you call their cellphone. 
The visit gave my dad more strength and life than the phone call. Seeing people meant so much to my Abba. Abba always was and remains a community leader. Seeing anybody was meaningful to Abba. Even the food delivery that was sent by the neighbors meant a lot to Abba. We didn't know the guy, but we considered it a visit, as he brought deli sandwiches. And deli gives strength and hope.

It's good to see that I'm in there. I thought I hadn't done much good. It makes me feel better as a human to have some documentation that I was a decent son.

Hakarat Hatov, recognition of my father’s good is also of huge importance.
It’s amazing how Abba shows all the Hakarat Hatov, as well. His show of the recognition of the good of other people is unparalleled. It is a great lesson in appreciation of people and what they do. His ability to note the good of so many people shows how much he appreciates life. In my last conversations with my father, he only had good to say about everybody. He truly saw good in people. I didn't think they deserve it, but my father saw good. 
It would appear that Abba will keep this up. Seeing the good in each individual who is caring and appreciative is the lesson. When you see good in other people, you invest in them. You have to ask about their families. You have to listen in conversation. It's much easier to see bad. It takes less time. It’s that ability to know people’s children that Abba and good people have. As a grownup, I have learned that everybody loves when you ask about their kids. Even if their kid is a mess up.
​
I have no idea what the Hematologist does. There were a lot of doctors. I am sorry if I can’t follow all the issues. It's pathetic. I care. I just don't know if the doctor is dealing with blood, or bone structure, or teeth. I can follow that Abba is ‘willing to travel on that journey’ of recovery. That is not easy. That is what we have to know as people, to continue. That is what I have to know as his child. He is on a journey, and I am on it too.

My father really respected his rabbi friends, many of whom are great Tzadikim. The two that my father mentioned are with him in Olam Haba, sharing joy there. Good friends like to visit each other. 
I was afraid Mommy would get left out. She wasn't mentioned till the end. Abba doesn't bring up Mommy till the third to last paragraph. I believe that to be part of his speaker's skill set. You raise the emotion and keep everybody on their seat, wondering if you're going to mention your wife.
Congregation Beth Sholom is brought up as a ‘most of all.’ His students and people who he gives to, give him strength. There is something to giving that I might understand some day. When you give to people, you must feel your own strength in what they gave you back. It's an energy thing. If I took Tai Chi I would understand it a bit better.
Family, friends and community are important in healing. So many people feel useless. In the hardest of times, my father made himself useful. He sat down and shared his message, his life. That is a gift to us all. Don't tell my friend Sammy I said this. She loves to complain. She'll start hitting me up with calls if she found out I am willing to listen.

If all were there for the first couple of weeks, it would mean something, but very little. You'll see later on, we were around. As a family, you share all, especially disease.

The lesson of the day is to CHOOSE LIFE. Abba is teaching his congregants right now. He is the embodiment of a community leader. This is his real voice. The rabbi voice is Abba’s voice. Even in hard times, he is the rabbi. He is coaching people how to care for others. People were wishing my Abba a Refuah Sheleyma, a full recovery, and he was telling them they did it right. He was telling them life is a journey, no matter what happens. It's all a journey. Choose to live it.
'Family and friends.' Abba's congregants were his friends. He gave them so much. That is what a real friend does. A real friend cares about you.
Abba was giving them more strength than they gave him. He was comforting them, 'It will be OK for you. I have cancer. You will be OK with it. The chemo will go well for you.' I always told my dad these congregants were selfish. Even when he gets cancer, they're coming to him for guidance. 
Your prayers on his behalf brings the hope of his belief that H’ helps.
Lesson: What people give to each other is where hope and strength stems from. It’s a cyclical effort that strength of life is based on.

All Abba wanted was a 'Good Shabbos For All.' With all the messages of Hakarat Hatov, Choosing Life, and Journeys, Abba just wants people to have a Good Shabbos. He wants the selfish congregants to think about themselves and have a Good Shabbos, while he is going for chemo. And in our house, every Shabbat was celebrated. Abba chose life and a lot of food. We had huge meals and great family time. I owe all of my chubbiness to my parents.
Choosing life is a Mitzvah, and my father lived a life of Mitzvot in this world. Mitzvot of care for others.

(I see my commentary kind of like the Beit Yosef by R' Yosef Kairo. All great commentaries are much longer than the true work itself. Look at Torah.)
For an Aliyas Neshama for רב ישעיה בן יחזקאל זצ"ל and all the Tzadikim who made and continue to make this Olam a great life.