The Mouse Changed Me – Part II

by David Kilimnick

I protected my home.Security comes first when dealing with animals. And that’s why I thought shooting the cats in the garbage would be the right thing to do.
I had used peanut butter. And even with that, my house was secure. And against the advice of all animal lovers, I used the glue trap. And it worked.

What Do I Do When They Look at You
The mouse was looking to me for help. On the trap looking up at me, asking me to save it. Nobody has ever looked to me for help. When in my life have I ever been depended upon, other than the Torah reading at my Bar Mitzvah. And I messed that up.
Depending on me is a dumb idea. I can't help anybody. I'm useless. I did first aid training. Forgot everything. If you need CPR, I'll be standing there telling you, “Try harder.” Maybe I'll throw in a prayer. Blame you for not breathing right. Wish you good luck.

That look touched my soul. The mouse wanted love. The mouse wanted someone to care for it. And here I was, the only one who could care for it, the one who caused its pain.
In my defense. That's my house. I bought it. The mouse did not help with any of the payments. Not even electric. If anything, he ate the electric. The mouse was just taking advantage. Squatting in my house. Living off the fat of the land. Though, unlike my nephews, he did clean up every once in a while.

Now all the sudden I liked the mouse. I'd never seen the guy before. I'd only heard it. He wanted a relationship. I could use one of those.
I cared. The mouse was a cute little guy. Cute and scary as anything. I wanted the mouse in the house, even if I would never use that hallway. That could be his. I had formed a relationship over the months. I had come to look forward to hearing the little guy. I wanted to keep the mouse. I didn't want to let him go. Wanted to hold it. Pet it. Sleep with him. I have no girl in my life. 
We could hang out, watch an Amazon Prime Special, eat peanut butter together. Find a glue trap and eat a few centipedes. Whatever he wanted. I could tell you this. I didn’t want to lose him or hurt him. Until I saw him on the glue trap, I wanted to kill the thing. Execute it. Not now. Now I had a bond with that manipulative little guy.

YouTube Knows
I couldn't figure out what to do, so I went on YouTube. I figured an influencer would have some advice. A teenager hanging out in their bedroom should be able to coach me on this.
The teenager said to kill it. To quote, "You murder the thing. That's humane." And then they went on to say, "You used a glue trap. You're an evil human being."
Has morality come to letting mice take over your house?! Infestation?! That makes a moral human being?! And they continued, "People with a soul use mouse traps that don't work." Well. I did use mouse traps that don't work. Many of them. And now I have peanut butter all over my house.
Whoever came up with the peanut butter idea is a sick individual. They must've had too much in stock. Then they started with this whole "mice like peanut butter" campaign. It was Wegmans supermarket.

Being the kind humane person, I took the teenager's advice and I killed it. That's what our education system has created, a bunch of kids who think homicide is what moral people do.
I wanted to be kind about it. I loved my friend. And to kill something you love tears out a piece of your heart. So, I took my boot and whacked it. Started slamming my boot at that thing. Whipping the mouse against the wall. That's the humane thing to do. You take a bag, put the mouse in the bag and start banging the thing.
I figured boots were good for this. They're good for walking in snow and killing mice.
The humane thing had me feeling bad.
 
The YouTuber knew Halacha. The fact the teenager knew the Jewish laws of Tzar Baal Chayim amazed me. If you must kill an animal, it should be as quick and painless as possible. I figured the boot worked. I don’t know how successful I would’ve been at Shechting the mouse.

It was looking at me to save its life and I killed it. If we can't care for this living being, something is wrong with us as people. It wasn't like this was my neighbor. That guy is a jerk. I would not mind seeing that guy suffer. Get him a glue doormat for his front door.
I felt so bad. I had caused the mouse to suffer, and then I killed it. Was I a murderer?

​Murderers Feel Bad
I felt bad. And that made me feel better. If you commit homicide and you feel bad about it, you're a good person. In prison, they reduce your sentence for stuff like that.
And I did kill the mouse. So, that made me a good person. Truth be told, I’m kind of a Tzadik, a righteous man, for killing that animal. Nonetheless, I felt bad. With all the Halacha and proper practice of execution and use of the boot on my side, I felt bad. And mind you, I didn’t strangle the mouse. I’m not vengeful like that. I took the boot and stomped it.

The mourning period had begun. That mouse was on my mind for two weeks. Two weeks of bereavement. I couldn’t talk to people. I ate peanut butter. Anything to connect me to the soul of my friend I had taken from this world. I started walking barefoot. Sniffing glue. Started sweeping up the pretzel crumbs. Eulogized about walls and how my friend was able to see what was in walls. I began to care about animals. I swore I would never eat mice again. 
What gave me the right to take life? It was the boot.
I realized I had to do Teshuva. I had to repent. I had to be a better person. I gave Tzedakah. Charity was given to every animal project out there. I adopted a hamster. Figured I would get a mouse people like. Nobody kills hamsters. I supported PETA. I became vegetarian.
I started volunteering at the petting zoo. Figured, if they're locked up all is good. As long as there's no glue anywhere.

I was scared of the mouse. But I cared for the mouse. And to that, I was stuck feeling like a disgusting human being. Everything I had done in my life, all the good the bad the care for family in their times of need, was now encapsulated in the eyes of that mouse. And I killed it. I squandered it. I let it down. And I realized I had not done my job caring for others. And I messed up my Torah reading at my Bar Mitzvah.

That was a life that I took. Life with eyes. With feelings. I knew I had to become more caring of animals.
Then my sister-in-law invited me for dinner and put out an amazing brisket

Postscript
Death is death. To be part of that isn’t easy.
To this day, I can't get over what I did to the mouse. The creature of Gd that looked to me for help. It haunts me. I still feel bad. So, when you see me, know that you should be feeling bad for me. Not the mouse.
Now I know what serial killers must feel like. I’m speaking of compassion here. And when I see people, I’m more compassionate now. I think twice before trapping them, and setting up glue traps.
And I still have no idea how to do CPR.

Do I still use glue traps. They work. Would I kill a mouse again. I do like to have guests in my home. I can tell you this much. Knowing what I know now, I would never use a glue trap to catch deer.
Lesson: If you want to feel good, don’t use stuff that works, and do not worry about the cleanliness of your home. Since I took the life of my friend, I have not used a Swiffer.

It’s the window to the soul. The eyes. And now I care for any living being with eyes. A spider, I’ll kill the thing. A cockroach. I’ll squash that thing with my hands.
Yes. I’m still scared as hell of mice.