People Yell at Sick People

by David Kilimnick

Thoughts From a Waiting Room #6

Somebody just came and yelled at my mom. I ran into the room to make sure nothing happened. Nothing happened. They were yelling at her because she's in a hospital.
People yell at old people and sick people. They're already not doing well, and now they're getting reprimanded.

She's in the Hospital and She Can Hear
She's in the hospital. Even so, you don’t have to scream at her. She didn't do anything wrong.
Everybody thinks that when somebody is in a hospital bed, they age forty years, and they lose their hearing.
I had a friend visit me after a hernia operation. The guy was yelling, "Can you still hear?!" I wasn't even in a hospital bed. He thought that since I was in a recliner, I had lost my ability to hear. It might just be that position. Something to do with the forty-five-degree incline of the back. The natural instinct is to yell at them. The natural angle of earshot. 
Maybe they're thinking "she's in a coma, she is hard of hearing." Those are different problems. And if she's in a coma, are you trying to give her nightmares? "Why are they yelling it's good to see me?! Am I in hell?! Is that how they greet you in hell?!"

Always Yelling 
I see it every time people visit a hospital. They always yell. You just got out of surgery, and the first guest is mad at you. You're dizzy as anything, and somehow, you're getting blamed for the new seats they put in at the shul. You're saying, "It's not the time," but you can't talk. They're going off on how beautiful the chairs are. And they sound so mad about it.
People should have a basic medical understanding when screaming at someone who's recovering. Understand the diagnosis. Know if they're on morphine. Then maybe yell, "I'm taking out the catheter." That's something that might need a yell.

Screaming at Old People
People scream at sick people and old people. Let's deal with this yelling at old people epidemic.
​Old people don't need angry people screaming nice things at them.
"It’s good to see you." That is the line. That's the discussion. It is always, "It’s good to see you." They don’t add anything to that. It's just concerned people coming in and screaming nice things at them. It's scary as anything.
I understand it can be hard coming up with something to talk about. You can’t say, "It’s good to see you like this." You can’t say, "I am happy you broke your arm. And you won't be walking again." You can't say, "Your kids are waiting for you to die so they can get the inheritance."
What else are you going to say to old folk? "You look good."?
And then you wonder why you get no response. The reason is because old people don’t like getting yelled at. "It would be good to see you, if you weren’t always screaming at me!" Half the time, they're in shock. They think they're being attacked. You get startled with a "it's good to see you," you become mute. You go into defense mode. You're on guard, thinking, "This person wants to know how I am."
I am trying to get you to stop yelling at old people, and sick people. Sick people can hear too. "I had a cough and lost my voice. Stop shouting."

Have a Real Conversation at Nursing Homes
Conversations have to be more than, "It’s good to see you." Old people have a lot to offer. They know a lot of stuff. They have a lot of experiences to share. And they will repeat it. You can have a full-on two-hour conversation with Max telling you the story of the family trip to the Poconos. He could repeat that sixty-eight times. Beautiful conversation. Max is happy and all you had to do was say, "It's good to see you." No yelling. Just a kind statement.
Old people don’t need your pandering, petting them and yelling at them. They are not dogs. Nonetheless, some can use grooming and hair removal.
I can promise you this. Residents at the nursing homes hate when you talk to them like they're a newborn. Right up in their face, with the high pitch, "How are you? deedee deedee." They don't want you pinching their cheeks. Though, they do enjoy when you bring the kids to the nursing home to dance. Everybody loves that.
Respect old people. They have a lot to share. Young sick people, you can tell them it's good to see them. No need to yell. Leave it at "good to see you." They have nothing to offer. No reason to pry for some enlightenment with six-year-old Sari, because she got her tonsils taken out. Getting ice cream from a doctor after surgery doesn't make a scholar. It also doesn't hinder a child's ability to hear.

Calm Down
You all have to calm down. It's a beautiful thing to visit.
People get intense around old people. You have to calm down. I understand you're thinking, "They might go in a few minutes, I've got to get it all in now. We should've worked out the will earlier." But calm down. If you miss out on a few ancestors and the vacation house to your sister-in-law, so be it. You can't rush things.
Everybody is so loud at these nursing homes. Guests are loud. Even the nurses and CNAs are screaming at the people. I get scared. I got home from visiting a community member and had nightmares of people yelling "applesauce" at me.
There is no way to get sleep with these crazy people.
You yell at old people for no reason, when they're right next to you. You're sitting right by their bed. If it was something important, I would understand. I can understand if you're crossing the street with them, and they're moving at the old person pace, and you're yelling, "There's a car coming. It's good to see you." I understand urgency. And I understand the need to tell old people it's good to see them.
Not every moment at the nursing home is an emergency. Not every time you're sitting next to my mom at the hospital is an emergency. There is never a need to yell, "APPLESAUCE!!!"

Conclusion
"IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU!!!" is what you yell at old people you see on the other side of the street when a car is coming. Not in a room, right after somebody just drilled their torso.
Not all people in hospitals are old. You don't age because a bed can adjust to recliner position. Stop screaming at people who are trying to recover. They will appreciate your calmness as they try to heal from you. Though, you should always get louder when somebody doesn’t understand the language you are speaking in. You can help them understand by repeating what you said in more of a yell. You should be screaming at those people for not knowing English.
Getting older is not a hearing condition. Some of them can still hear you. People who are sick in hospitals have not all lost their ability to hear. Some of them might have broken their leg. An ACL tear doesn't affect hearing.
If they are old and not American or from the British Commonwealth, yell at them. If they are also sick and from Galicia, definitely yell at them.

Lesson For Me
If somebody ever says it's good to see me, I will know I have aged. I will know I let myself go. The kids are already calling me sir, and they're getting louder.

***Thoughts From a Waiting Room was first written in 2019-20. These are the thoughts revisited in 2025 form. LRefuah Sheleyma LKol HaCholim and shared laughter with their family and friends, bZchut Avi HaRav Yeshaya Ben Yechezkel HaLevi ZT"L vImi HaRabbanit Necha Bat Chayim Zeydel A"H LAliyat Nishmatam.