What Makes Something American... Jewish

by Mikakel Kaleekaku

As a Jew, what is American. That is the question. It was just Thanksgiving, I was just down in Nashville, Tennessee, and I am inspired. I am inspired to talk about what truly is American, and that is The Lower East Side. That’s America. 
I've done much soul searching as to my heritage. My Pinte LYid wants to share with you. Join me in becoming a better Jew. Let's spend some time going into detail of what really makes us American. Our Gishmak history and half sour pickles.

New York is American. New York Kosher Style pizza is America's main cuisine. Some people who aren't Jewish forget that. They even consider deep dish pizza American. They have no idea what they're talking about. 
Deli, bagels, lox, pickles and anything else that sounds anti-Semitic when you're talking about Jews. American. Borscht. Schav. Belch Vassar. American. Taking what Americans do, such as burping, and saying it in Yiddish, and then drinking it. That is at the foundations of American life.
Pickles out of a barrel is very American.

Hollywood. That's America. Movies with intermarriage are very American.
Is there any greater feeling than seeing a guy with a Yarmulke on the screen. No. The answer is no.
The Borscht Belt. That's American. Naming your activities after a dish your mother made. Oy. How Americans have forgotten their native cuisine. 
Borscht and entertainment, it doesn't get better than that. Nu!!!

Fast food is American. And that means choolante out of a bowl on Thursday nights. Premade. Ready when you get there. It’s the most American thing you can do. Would America exist without Monsey?!

Sports are American. Baseball is America’s pastime. But America’s game is stickball. That's what our ancestors played. Trying to hit a pink ball with your mom’s broom is fundamental to our culture. Joy when you reach the second sewer. No greater feeling.
Yelling “Game off... Game on,” is American. Traffic patterns as part of the competition. Watching out for oncoming cars is at the root of American athletics. 
Paper football. Very American. I have never seen kids play that in Israel. It's American.

Hot dogs. They sell those in delis. American.

Shmatas. The Shmata business. Rags in the form of a $1,500 blazer. Towels as evening wear. Very expensive rags on sale for a lot of money.
Where the name comes from? Parents who knew their children would amount to nothing. Your parents belittling your factory because Jewish parents don't believe their kids have any abilities, American. "My kid is pulling in a million dollars in the Shmata business... He hires people who know how to do the work."
It is unAmerican to believe your child will accomplish anything. Yet, you are still the greatest.

Sales are American. Signs saying "sale." Getting the sales price yelled at you is what they do in other countries.
Bloomingdales knew what they were doing. They knew what their people needed. 

Working in a sweat factory. That is the American dream. For years, Europeans dreamed of coming to America to work in sweatshops. And this is why we feel so bad when we hear that people in other countries get to work in a sweatshop. That's our dream.

Blaming Jews is American.
Beeping at Jews is American.
Yelling "Jew" at people walking to shul is a fun thing to do. And American.
Wearing a baseball hat when traveling is American. When done for safety.
Freedom is American. And that means government subsidies and the right to hate Jews. 
Oy. How some forget our traditions. A Shanda.

Oy is American. Why? It just is.

Being broke is American. Being broke and owning a home with three cars. Complaining. American.
Tenements are American. Very American. That evolved to unaffordable housing in Brooklyn. Let’s not forget our tradition. And that is not being able to afford a decent home.
​
Music is very American. Strings, horns, drums. Mordechai Ben David is American. Inspirational holy words of "Nay Nay Nay." Nothing more American, and why the Beatles used those lyrics.

Writing commandments for people to follow. Mitzvahs are very important. This is why we have the American Constitution.

Restaurants with checkered bathroom tile flooring.
​
Turkey on Friday night after Thanksgiving. Nothing more American than eating turkey on Shabbat. And even more American is eating turkey in deli form.
How something is more American than the most American thing is a miracle found in America. A Nes.

Now you know what makes for the foundations of the USA. Maybe I'm just a traditional man who loves our Gishmak American heritage.
​If you were to ask Parker from Nashville, you might get different views of America. But he doesn’t know from the Lower East Side.
​Speaking English in Yiddish form is American.