Uncling For a Day: What I Learned About Watching Kids

by David Kilimnick

I can't do it. Trusting me with your kids is not responsible. No idea how parents do it. I respect all of you Frum parents out there raising all those kids, even past nursery school.
I had to watch over the kids for a day and I gave up on them by 3pm. Somehow they made it from three to when their parents got home at 8pm. I don't know how they did it. I was tired and I fell asleep.
Here is what I learned about kids.

I Need Sleep
I got sleep. A full night's sleep. I just needed more. It was ten minutes into watching the kids where I said, 'Whew. I'm tired. Watch over yourselves.'
Now I know why parents are always on edge. It's the extra fourteen hours of sleep needed daily to watch over kids.

Very Dirty - They're Very Dirty
Two hours into watching them, I already had to put up a load of laundry. The amount of dirt is something I have never seen before. Grownups have to be coming out of a coal mine to create that kind of dirt.
If I was to ever explain the job of a parent, as I understand it, it's to do at least four loads of laundry a day.

Dirt Everywhere
Got to follow the kids around with a Dustbuster. Dustbusting and Swiffing all day. I had the Swiffer in my hand two feet behind. Swiffing side to side right behind them. I couldn't keep up with the shmutz. They can be walking with nothing, and they still create dirt. Their like walking dust balls.
There's nothing that doesn't end up on the floor. They touch it, it's on the floor. Not one of my nephews looks down. They just drop and go. No thought. No care for their uncle having to bend.
I asked them if they knew where the garbage was. They have no idea what a trashcan is. I educated them about the idea of putting garbage in the garbage. That took a while to explain. I then showed them where it was. Now, they make it a point to stay away from it.

They Drop Stuff on Purpose
They do it on purpose. Dropping anything they can. Popcorn. Toys. Toothpaste. 'The uncle will clean it.' Gushers wrappers. 'Drop it.' Middle of lawn. 'Uncle D will find it when he's mowing.' Maybe it's a recycling thing that they're teaching these kids at nursery. That garbage makes landfills education. Maybe they think the living room floor is a compost. That's my problem with this new education.
The little five month old is in on this too. Throwing stuff. She gets a kick out of seeing me work. Peanut butter puffs, 'I'll just drop that there... Look at him pick it up. The loser... Let's do that again. Cry. Get a puff and drop it... The fool is picking it up again.'
Do you know how demeaning it is when a five month old is mocking you.

Nothing Is Worse Than Lego
One day and I already injured my foot. Lego!!! They drop those too.
Tonka trucks can cause you to stub a toe, but nothing hurts more than stepping on Lego. I would go on, but that rhymes. I use lowercase in LEGO, because I buy that stuff at the Dollar Tree. I don't think the buck twenty five pack is original LEGO.
Parents should boycott LEGO. If it was made in Israel I might be able to get some traction on this.

Now I know why parents are always tired and injured.
I respect and appreciate all you parents who can pull this for a whole childhood. I would've given up on the kids at five in the afternoon. And even greater respect for those parents who have their kids at home for the summer. Summer is tough when the kids are at home. You should be blessed to make enough money to send your kids to camp, so you don’t have to see them. Hopefully, H' will answer your  prayers and you won't have to see your kids.
I hope this empathy from an uncle who spent six hours with kids gives you Chizuk. I'm going to head back to sleep. It's 8:15 and the parents are putting the kids to bed. Thank Gd I don't have to do that. I definitely don't have the energy to say Shema with these little guys.