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Let's take a stroll down memory lane to David complaining about how he prepares for Pesach with tinfoil, and the joy of children on Lag BOmer, while justifying antisemitism with the Kibbitzer's pictures of laughter from last month. We want to thank David Kilimnick for expressing his anger for spending way too much on his Shmura Matzah.
The drying rack has been tinfoiled. I can now use it on Pesach.
Idea: Market Shmurah Matzah that comes not broken. Problem: I thought the $85 box of Matzah would come with one not broken piece. There must be a full piece at the factory, when they make them. All broken. They came all broken. I paid $85 for Matzah bits. They must be tossing around the Matzah in the factory before they ship it. Solution: Becky Bierman said we do have the technology. The Etrog wrapping can easily be used for Matzah.
That’s called taking a chance. I hope somebody in that building is packing. You don’t just put out Israeli flags and not expect people to hate you. And how do you mow that?… And you wonder why there’s antisemitism. It’s the little Israeli flags. It’s this support for Israel stuff. These people saying they like Jews. That’s what causes Jew hatred. And even more, to commemorate the loved ones we’ve lost. That just causes more Jew hatred. If Jews didn’t have Israel and shuls, there would be no antisemitism. Unless if somebody heard about Jews some other way. Like if they heard Jews were around somewhere shopping at a bodega, they would hate Jews… Turns out the anti-Semites who hate Israel didn’t know those were Israeli flags. They thought it was overgrown white and blue grass. Everybody is safe…
The Lag Bomer fire looked dangerous. Especially being that kids lit that uncontained fire out of everything they found in the house (the burning door is all that’s left). And then to see the kid standing less than a foot away, hanging out. Then, I learned about Emunah. Belief in Gd… Next Lag Bomer, I’m guarding my place. Making sure kids don’t get hold of my door or the cabinets. Is that the kid's shirt they're about to throw in?
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If somebody at the Seder tells you the salt water is low in sodium, take it with a grain of salt. You get it? Salt has sodium. So, take more salt. Whatever you need to do to make the Seder more meaningful, by making things harder to eat, do it. We bring our puns to add to your Passover experience. If you’re the one who made the salt water, you can share the joy of Mordechai’s pun, while handing someone a grain of salt. When delivering puns, always ask, “What would Mordechai do?” Oh. "Take it with a grain of salt" means don't take it to heart. Now you get the pun. 
I did not clean that shelf last year. The mushrooms might not be fresh. Yet, that can is sealed nice and tight. I am at an impasse… Thank Gd for Pesach. I’m must’ve not got to that cupboard since 2008.
That’s why those cans are good. They remind you how long it’s been since you cleaned. 
Click on the picture for tickets to share laughs with David Kilimnick in Jerusalem on Thursday, February 12th
Due to leaving Mitzrayim in haste, we are commanded to eat Matzah, a “poor man’s bread” (Devarim 16:3). I am fulfilling that Mitzvah. After purchasing Shmura Matzah, I’m out of money.
Let me explain. Though it's a poor man's bread, Shmura Matzah can be very expensive. The boxed machine Matzah, sold at a dollar-fifty a pound, is probably what the Torah was talking about. Categories
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The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire written by David Kilimnick and poorly edited by David Kilimnick.
So, blame his pseudonyms.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to share ideas, make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
5/14/2025
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