The Chatan and Rav Elyashiv: Stories of Inspiration

That's what AI thinks people look like.

It was the young man's engagement party. We'll call him Shmuel Baruch. Well, Shmuel Baruch was very nervous. He had impressed the young woman, but he had not impressed the rabbis yet. None of them agreed to marry him.
At an engagement party (we'll call it a Vort, a LChaim, a Tichel party- anything to get more gifts), there were many rabbis. Why so many rabbis were there is a question people are still asking. The Shidduch was already made. They already knew he was Jewish. It was too late to change the thing. But, you never know what can happen once community gets involved in a marriage.

The Chatan, groom, got up to give a speech and quoted a Minchat Chinuch. He didn't have any original ideas, so he quoted Rabbi Yosef Ben Moshe Babad. We know him as the Minchat Chinuch, because by the time you finish saying his name, people are asking if the guy finished the Dvar Torah yet.
In the middle of the speech, a commotion came from the rabbis' table. It wasn't a sermon. You can't talk during a sermon. You can talk during a Dvar Torah given by anybody that isn't a rabbi. Halacha. I'm assuming.
One rabbi was telling the others that he's never seen that Minchat Chinuch. So they all started mocking the Chatan. I was impressed the Chatan was able to quote a Minchat Chinuch. Forget about whether it exists or not. The fact that he quoted the Minchat Chinuch is impressive. The rabbis should've been commotioning about that. But instead they mocked, "Look at the guy misquoting the Minchat Chinuch. He couldn't even misquote a Sugiah from the Gemara. Pathetic. My son-in-law misquotes Tosfos."

​The commotion died down and the Chatan finished his Dvar Torah. I thought he was done when he returned to his speech and went on to tell everybody the name of the author of the Minchat Chinuch.
I should note, he was a religious Chatan, a Frum groom. He was a Chussan.

Rabbi Elyashiv saw this and made it a point to check into it, as the Chussan was correct. He was quoting the Minchat Chinuch correctly, though it wasn't a Gemara. It had Gemara in it, but it wasn't Gemara. Rav Elyashiv realized that negative thoughts can sit there and simmer, even if they're not true. Which is why people still think it's a good idea to serve black and white cookies instead of chocolate peanut butter squares.
Rabbi Elyashiv asked where the father-in-law to be is in the mornings. It turns out the father-in-law goes to the Mikvah every morning at 4am, to wash himself off of the contamination of a son-in-law. Rav Elyashiv said, "Convenient. 4am is perfect. I'll be there. 4am at the Mikvah." Apparently, there is no Minchat Chinuch about that.
It turns out 4am is Rabbi Elyashiv preferred time for meetings.

To ensure the father-in-law didn't have time to think about this foolish son-in-law to be, Rabbi Elyashiv was at the Mikvah at 4am. The father-in-law was listening to Rabbi Elyashiv. You listen to a rabbi when he meets you at the Mikvah. It's a very awkward situation. You're trying to dunk and they're not even handing you a towel. You try to make it out out of there. You sit there and listen to what the guy has to say.

Rabbi Elyashiv gave the father-in-law a package. Inside was an old Minchat Chinuch. Rabbi Elyashiv didn't have the money for a new one. He was supporting a Beit Midrash, and all of his time he could've spent focusing on the stock market, people were asking him Halachik questions. The price of being a Gadol HaDor. Very expensive, and you're broke. Turns out people don't pay for you to answer their questions.
Rabbi Elyashiv turned to the page and pointed, "This is the Minchat Chinuch your son-in-law quoted last night." It might have been a different one. The father-in-law was spacing out the whole time the Chussan was talking, trying to figure out why his daughter wasn't marrying the rich one, the one was carrying his own new Minchat Chinuch.

Negative thoughts develop. even if they're not true. By jumping on the issue right away and meeting the father-in-law at the Mikvah at 4am, Rabbi Elyashiv saved the son-in-law from negative thoughts developing about him by his father-in-law. Thoughts that would've been much worse if the son-in-law had shown up at 4:15am to take a dunk in the Mikvah.
When the father-in-law now thinks of his son-in-law, he thinks the guy is a Yutz who can't make a living.

Lessons of What Followed
As we learn from the rabbis, demeaning people is wrong, unless if you're mocking somebody for not knowing Torah.
You don't let negative feelings simmer. You don't let Lashon Hara fly around. That's a different story about ripping a pillow and letting the feathers fly all over to teach somebody that you can repent for Lashon Hara by littering. Ripping up pillows and throwing trash on the street does not stop Lashon Hara from spreading. The lesson here is, you don't let people sit on bad thoughts of others. It creates a mindset you can't take back. Nothing to do with bedding.

More Lessons
Don't talk at your engagement party. You already got the girl. You don't have to prove anything anymore.
Never talk in front of rabbis. When there are rabbis at your party, let them speak. Otherwise, they're going to interrupt you.
Sit the rabbis with their congregants. They won't want to talk. If they talk, the congregants will fall asleep.
The true tragedy of this whole event is, that nobody talks about, they only had one platter of chocolate peanut butter squares at the engagement party. They were gone in a minute. It turns out the rabbis were talking about their disappointment in having to eat black and white cookies. They were mocking the assortment of pastry.

Final Lesson
If you ever have something important to tell somebody, say it to them at the Mikvah at 4am.

Epilogue
And since then, stories of inspiration have been told about Chatans to many single people. These include inspirational stories of the eighty-year-old who still got married. Told to a twenty-five-year-old, to instill hope in the young soul, letting him know he'll be single for another fifty-five years.
The rabbi still has not seen that Minchat Chinuch. It turns out he doesn't learn Sefer HaChinuch either.
Why didn't Rav Elyashiv correct the rabbi there, when the Chatan was giving the Dvar Torah? Because he wasn't at the Mikvah. You don't correct people who are fully dressed.

***I probably got the story wrong. See Living Chessed (p.28-29) by R' Avrohom Asher Makovsky who hopefully recounts the story correctly.