Shul Rules: Implementing Faster Davening Decorum

by Rabbi David

I’m still thinking about that long Davening a couple weeks ago. Nightmares.
We have to implement the shul rules for faster Davening and services. The board won’t help physically throw people out who are properly focusing on their Amidah prayer. They’ll probably set up a committee. And that means meetings will also take longer.
How do you implement the rules, and keep people from enunciating the words of their prayers. How do you ensure we can get out of shul faster, without repeating the beginning of Adon Olam every other sentence. You must present it to your congregation. In front of all members. Let them know why the slow Davening is painful and why it doesn't work, and then enforce a prayer security team who can hurt people that sing.
I shall share notes for the argument you will have to bring, to persuade your community to enact the rules of not doing any Mishebeyrachs for family members who are not about to die. If your community doesn't support the faster Davening, leave and start a breakaway Minyin. 

Notes On Why Long Davening Doesn't Work
Here are the reasons long Minyins don’t work out. Stuff you can share with your fellow congregants, to start the revolution.
I can't concentrate for more than five minutes. And that includes putting on Teffilin.
I have stuff to do. I have to get to work. Do these people have nowhere to go?! Are we not supposed to encourage people to get jobs?!! There is a reason everybody at our Minyin is retired. By the time Davening is over, they got fired. By the time the Baal Tefillah finishes his Amidah, in which he for some reason feels he has to focus proper prayer attention to, they hired somebody who can show up.
I heard people drink coffee. What about coffee. Does H' not want us drinking coffee before work?!
I ​want to shoot the Chazin. Call it wrong. There is a desire there. A real Kavanah.
​The pain of waiting for this guy. It builds up the dislike. Sinat Chinam.
I don't like suffering as much as the other people in our shul. It’s got to stop. How much do these people like Yom Kippur.
An eight-minute Chazaras HaShatz repetition of the Amidah during the week?!! Is anybody for this?!!! It's out of control. These people are in Shabbis mode all week. They have to get a job. And then the board wants to know why they didn't pay their dues.
This long Davening is keeping people from coming to shul. I'm supporting conversation here. People come to shul to converse with their friends.
Nobody comes to shul to Daven. They come to see their friends and hang out. Why the president makes that "no talking during services" announcement, still baffles me. It's like he's trying to chase away members.
Kavana is killing Judaism, and it is the cause of Sinat Chinam. Focusing on prayer should not be allowed in any synagogue. It's right after Tisha BAv, and this is what people do. 
Am I supposed to bring a newspaper to shul. Tell me what to do. Am I supposed to bring my laptop and make business calls. Because that's how long Davening is taking.
You empower these people and they never finish the Shema.
People can slow this down themselves. They can stay late. That makes sense. Sorry for bringing that idea up.
Do they meditate on each word? If that's the case, they're Buddhists. We can't have that kind of idol worshipping going on in our shul. It causes for services to take too long. 
If you are meditating it should take three hours.
Just the long Shema is enough to want to hurt people. Do you know that half of our community recently purchased guns. I don't know if it's because of antisemitism or the Chazin. I don't.
Getting back at people is wrong. I don't know who wronged these Baal Tefillahs and Chazins. Who wronged them?! Who are they getting back at?! Maybe we have to get to the root of the problem. It's the Gabai.
Not one person is smiling. They're all mad. That might just be the result of being in shul. Even so, Davening should not take long.
It’s called a Tircha DTzibur. That’s the word of the day. A bother to the congregation. Like Bernie and Max. Annoying. Rambam (Hilchot Tefillah 12:23- Rambam) teaches that even rolling a Torah is wrong. And so is smoking it. Asur. 

If I was able to sleep, fine. The pews are not comfortable, and I can't get a good nap on. The one time I did fall asleep on a pew, Bernie woke me and said that was his Makom. It was his seat. I had to get up. And I understand. When you have to spend five hours in shul, because a fool thinks it's a good idea to have Kavanah, you need a comfortable seat.
I believe you all understand the importance of a fast Minyin now. If you get any pushback from anybody, revoke their membership, kick them out of the religion. There is no place for these people and Kavanah.
 
Note from the Shul Board About Violence
I will end with this. As it turns out, violence is not appreciated. Here is the note:
It's not acceptable to choke the guy who asks the Gabai to say an extra Bracha for their family. Even if Aliyah Mishebeyrachs are annoying and cause for revolt.
Rivka from Sermons of Rebuke told us that some people have taken my Psak of being allowed to yell at the Chazin to just yell in general. People are now very aggressive. No passiveness. Just, “I hate you.” It used to be a Chuch with a loud breath. Now it’s an “I can’t stand you!!!” And then a loud Chuch and phlegm wad spat on Mr. Goldberg.
An aggressive “I hate you” should be reserved for the Chazin, Gabai and the guy who asking for us to bless his family.
Since the rabbi's new rules there has been a lot reports of violence in our shul.
Kiddish has come to the point of blows, because it took too long to bring out the choolante. Again, the problem being people being in shul too long.
Some jumped on the Bima last week and attacked a guy for adding his youngest daughter to his Mishebeyrachs. And then they yelled, "Nobody cares about her."
We also want to make it clear that shooting the Chazin is not allowed. Our security team frowns on that.