Shul Announcements: VaEtchanan and Shabbat Nachamu and Tu BAv

by Rivka Schwartz

We are hosting a singles Shabbaton this weekend, for the Jewish Holiday of Love. Ti BAv. Please treat them like they’re normal people. Give them that this Shabbat Nachamu. Pretend like you don't notice the forty-year-old guy not wearing a Tallis.
 
Any woman wearing white is allowed to be hit on.
 
This world is a gift. The rabbi wants everybody to know that he was away on vacation, and to see the mountains and to not be with the membership of this shul was such a gift.
 
Chesed Opportunities: Pinny needs help meeting somebody. Women seem to know him, and that’s an issue. Please help set up Pinny with girls that have no idea who he is, so he has a chance to look decent.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: What Makes All Single People Creepy- Security Problems and How it Doesn’t Focus on Older Single People in Our Shul. How Saying Any Woman Wearing White is Allowed to Be Hit On - On Shabbis - Can Ruin Marriages. Pinny and Why He is Still Single- A Study in the Shidduch Ideas of Our Membership and How They Have Not Had One Successful Match. How to Ruin a Relationship by Letting Them Get to Know You and the Pinkowitz Family Story. The Joy of Going on Vacation and Not Seeing You.
 
Rivka’s Community Rundown
Well. That just made it awkward. The whole women's section was staring at the men not wearing Tallises. Sadie Bracha screamed out, "Isn't he sixty already?!" And they she insisted that her yelling that should help him feel normal, as normal sixty-year-olds are married. 
Bringing awareness is not always helpful. Like the time the rabbi brought awareness to the non-religious congregants driving on Shabbat. He said we should treat them like Jews. Next thing you know, all people are talking about are the women with freshly showered hair, and how they must be driving on Shabbat. And the time the rabbi and the sisterhood brought awareness to those who identify as homosexual. Every conversation at Kiddish had the word "gay" in it. And they thought that was helping the "gay" people feel better.

This white Shabbat hitting on thing was messed up. Everybody wears white on Shabbat.
That was a shocker to the family wearing Shabbis clothes. 
I made sure my children were wearing colored clothes. They were walking around in Shabbat tye-die. I don't need a sixty-year-old without a Tallit hitting on my children.
 
I’d hate to have the shul help me meet somebody. Good luck Pinny. The only thing worse than a girl knowing Pinny. The only thing that can ruin a chance at a relationship for Pinny more than that is the sisterhood getting involved in trying to set him up. I pray for his soul. 
The women of our shul setting you up is the beginning of a good hundred very painful dates. However, many nieces there are in our shul, that's how many bad evenings and very uncomfortable dinners
And he has to go out. If he doesn’t, he will get looks from the ladies’ section. And Sadie Bracha will scream at him. Why her name is not Shulamis Bracha is another question. We all know Sadie Bracha doesn't fit.
Couldn't Pinny just find girls wearing white on Tu BAv, and hit on them. Well. He did that last year, and he made the whole women's section very awkward. Married women have not worn white since. They've stuck to off-white. Only cream colors on Shabbis.

The Pinkowitz family story is, they were a great couple till they got married and got to know each other. 

Well. The rabbi was happy. He had the gift of not seeing the congregation for a week. He insisted the nature stuff was not that enjoyable. The enjoyable things was not seeing the members who sit in the back left.
The rabbi suggested a great date idea for the Pinkowitz family this Tu BAv would be for the father to go on his own trip. Not seeing him would bring more love to all the family members. 

If I was a guy, I would never take off my Tallis. And to make it clear to Sadie Bracha, that is not a gay thing.