Shul Announcements: Eikev

by Rivka Schwartz

Davening longer than twenty-five minutes isn't allowed anymore. We want people to not hate shul. A two-minute Shema is painful enough. Chazaras HaShas, the cantor's out loud repetition of the Amidah prayer for the community, should be fast and not heard by anyone.
The rabbi said you can yell at the Baal Tefillah if their Davening is too long. You can yell, “Move faster. Your Davening is annoying everyone. Your Kavana is painful to the congregation. We hate you.”
 
No more than two family members mentioned during post Aliyah Mishebeyrachs. You get up to say the blessing over the Torah, nobody needs to hear about your new niece. Too many people are receiving Mishebeyrach blessings and it’s adding time to Minyin. People are mad, and now more people hate Jews.
 
Chesed Opportunities: We are looking for strong people to kick people out of shul who do Mishebeyrach after their Aliyahs.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: The Cause of Communal Hate and How It’s Our Chazin. The Pain of You Remembering the Names of Fifty Family Members. How Praising People Leads to Wars- A History of How We Lost Membership.
 
Rivka’s Community Rundown
The focus this week was how to get Davening done faster. I suggested we just skip it. The rabbi wasn't fine with that. Though he liked the idea.
When Davening takes too long, you can't focus on anything else. So, I'm happy we focused our shul discussion on finishing Davening faster this week. Otherwise, I would have been cursing out Felvel and his whole family, who he mentioned after his Aliyah. I took down all the names. Hate them all. They'll say they had nothing to do with Felvel going off on all of them, remembering who they're the child of. They still deserve to be hated. Nothing to do with our shul, not even in our city, and they're slowing down our Davening.
​The discussion on finishing Davening added a good two hours to Davening. We probably should've had that discussion another time. It was self-defeating. 

They discussed it. People want to shoot the Chazin. The pain of waiting for this guy. An eight-minute Chazaras HaShatz during the week?!! It happened.
Eight minutes??? Am I supposed to read a newspaper. Is that what I'm supposed to do during the cantor's repetition?! Otherwise, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm definitely not focusing on praying. At some point, I'm thinking of hurting the CHazin. 
I have to say, Kavana is killing Judaism.

The board meeting went on about it later in the week. They decided that people who want to do a slow Davening, can slow things down by themselves, and stay in shul later. They can stay late, with no security. To quote our president, "If you believe in your prayers that much, you should believe a little in Gd."

Just the long Shema is enough to get anybody mad. Do these people have nowhere to go?! Do they meditate on each word?! Are they getting back at people?! Did somebody wrong them?!
If you are meditating, Shema should take three hours. I'm not suggesting people meditate. Truth is, I sometimes fall asleep during the Shema myself. I have people coming over to me telling me how impressed they are with my Kavanah.

Here are some of the rules we came up with this week, due to the pain of a long Shabbat morning Shacharit:
Mishebeyrachs are wrong, and thus not allowed. Especially when Davening is taking a long time. They went on with these blessings for their family. Each person is now doing it. These people are adding names. Family members they don't even have. Making up family.
Adon Olam took forever too. They did a slower tune than the slow tune. No idea how that was possible.
And they didn’t even start on time. That somehow slowed up Davening too. New rule is they have to start on time, even if nobody is there. 
Mishebeyrachs for the USA and Israel, and the soldiers, can be said. But they all have to be fast. As long as people say "Amen," they can feel like they care about their people.
And you can also say Mishebeyrachs for sick people. The head of the Tehillim committee suggested we put a time limit on how long we pray for the sick. To quote, "If we're still saying the Mishebeyrach after two months, might as well give up. What are their chances anyways." And since then, I have put it in my medical directive letter that I don't want Ruchel and the Tehillim committee to ever pray for me. 
And Shema is now timed.

Some people have taken the rabbi’s Psak of being allowed to yell at the Chazin to just yelling in general. People are now very aggressive. No passiveness. Just, “I hate you.”
It used to be a Chuch with a loud breath. Now it’s an “I can’t stand you!!!” And then a loud Chuch and phlegm wad.
Kiddish has come to the point of blows. Why? Because it took too long to bring out the choolante.
Some jumped on the Bima the past week and attacked a guy for adding his youngest daughter to his Mishebeyrachs. And then they yelled, "Nobody cares about her."

They did the starting on time with nobody, and they finished the service before anybody showed up. And every congregant in our shul was happy.