Shul Announcements: Bamidbar and Shavuot

by Rivka Schwartz

​Sorry we missed Yom Yerushalayim in the announcements last week.
For all of those who are worried, there was no Shawarma at the event. 
 
For Shavuot, we will be staying up all night and talking. There will be coffee, cheesecake, ice cream. And lasagna, as the Jews had pasta with cheese at Sinai. Or so the sisterhood insists.
 
Chesed Opportunities: Learn for somebody who is too lazy to learn themselves, so they can get Schar, reward, for not trying. The Chesed can be done for any member of our shul. None of them will be staying up Shavuot night. As they need rest to be able to golf.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Celebrate Yom Yerushalayim and Other Events That Our Community Serves Falafel At. Learning Shavuot Night While People are Eating- Why It's Hard to Learn When Bernie is Chewing on Kichel. Why We Learn Torah on Shavuot and Other Ways to Not Have to Talk Politics with the Mitzkin Family. Why People Don't Show Up to Events They Don't Know About. The Jewish Anatomy and Why We Only Eat Cheese on Shavuot. How to Not Try- With Members of Our Shul.
 
Rivka’s Community Rundown
The members of our shul truthfully do not care about Jerusalem, unless if it has something to do with Shawarma.
They forgot about Yom Yerushalayim in last week's announcements, and they’re wondering why nobody showed up to the program. I'm assuming nobody showed up, because nobody knew about it. 
And even if people did know about it, the new community announcements for programs go, "We're having a program. Good luck figuring out where it is." No details, due to fear of attacks.
They're worried it will be dangerous if people come, so they have the event and don't tell you where it is.
Let's focus for a second. This whole not announcing where things are doesn’t draw people. Thought that was important to note. They don’t announce where things are because of antisemitism. They're worried the Jew haters will come. So, they try to keep the anti-Semites away. It definitely keeps the Jews away.
I'm beginning to think our membership isn't allowed to know where Jerusalem is located. Due to security protocol in our shul, nobody is allowed to know where Jerusalem is, for safety reasons. 

And how do they celebrate Jerusalem Day? falafel. Always falafel. Every program that has anything to do with Israel. Falafel from Costco. How Costco falafel balls have anything to do with Israel, I don't know. I do know that it would make sense to have a lamb on a spit. Shawarma makes more sense. People love that. They could be celebrating Mexico and Jews would show for Kosher Shawarma. That's the only argument the anti-Semites have against Israel. If we had Kosher Shawarma somewhere else, our people would live there. Hence, Miami.
And if they served Shawarma at the Yom Yerushalayim event, people would come, even if they didn't know where it was. Somehow, they would find it.
If the war was over Shawarma, our members would be in Israel, fighting alongside our brothers and sisters. Enlisting in the IDF.
 
Not one mention of a class at the Shavuot program. Just food. That's what our people received at Sinai. Food. Dairy food. Blintzes.
And there was no Shavuot bulletin, as the shul office will do anything to not work. 
They didn’t announce where all night Shavuot will be. That’s probably why most of our congregants skipped the holiday.

It was a nice Shavuot program. Nobody knew where it was, but it was very nice.
It was at the shul, as that makes sense, and that's where it always is. And most of our congregants don't know where that is.
I heard most of our community did stay up all night though, as the announcements said to stay up all night, and our congregants follow announcements when the announcements don't say to learn Torah, pray, or fulfil a donation.
What did our members do all night? They ate. Our congregants prepared for the receiving of the Torah by eating. All night eating. And I know they stayed up because they didn't show up to shul for Davening Shavuot morning. The announcements didn't say where services would be.
Other communities learn Shavuot night. That's tradition. If our congregants were at Mount Sinai, they would've been eating. Looking at the golden calf and eating.
 
The learning for somebody Chesed program didn't work out. It turns out that learning for somebody else requires learning. 

Why We Learn Torah on Shavuot. Nobody came to that class on Shavuot. If they would’ve given that class before Shavuot, a few people might have come to learn on Shavuot. No class was needed to get across the message of eating cheesecake. People love cheesecake.

The only positive thing about learning Torah with members of our shul is that you don't have to listen to them talk politics, until they ask a question. Their ability to connect the Jews leaving Egypt to their hatred of Donald Trump and acid reflux.
The rabbi did have to deal with a lot of questions about why we don't have a tradition to eat Shawarma on Shavuot.

I'm beginning to think that people don't show up to places they don't know about.