Sermons of Rebuke V: VaYigash

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
The renovations committee has decided that the shul will get AstroTurf for the sanctuary as many stadiums now use it. The head of the committee said, "It's used in the place of grass. Why should it not be used instead of carpet?!"
 
We’re asking our congregants to participate in the Davening. It's been reported that our shul is very depressing, by the people who are depressing. Please greet people. Please smile. And please help with the singing in Davening. Make our shul less depressing by you not depressing everybody.

Musaf’s repetition tune was messed up on Rosh Chodesh Chanukah because nobody finished off the Kedusha "Halleluka" with the tune to lead the Chazin.
You have a job as congregants. And sometimes that might mean helping with the tune of Al HaNisim throughout a holiday, for every prayer.
 
We put in a petition to our Christian neighbors to give us more than Adam Sandler’s Chanukah song over their six months of Christmas.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Be Angry and Depressed in Shul- A Day with Our Members. How to Be a Congregant- A Class with Guest Speakers from Other Shuls. How to Fit the Words of Every Prayer into Al Hanisim- A Course in Jewish Music. Jewish Identity Found in Santa's Lap at the Mall.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Yosef sends his brothers to Israel to bring the whole family to Mitzryaim... Why not? It's winter. It's a bit warmer than Israel. Why should the family not go down for a visit?
Yosef makes sure to take care of his brothers. (Bereishit 45:21-23) He sends them with changes of clothes, all the good stuff from Egypt for Yaakov and donkeys and wagons and food. Last time I went down to Florida, I had to pack my own sandwich. Not one member of this shul packed a lunch for their rabbi. Not even a corned beef on club... I like club. And a little mayonnaise. I'm not a corned beef on rye guy... It’s care. It’s concern...
I have no idea what the good stuff in Mitzrayim was. It could've been Hashish.

(Bereishit 45:24) Yosef sends his brothers and he says, “Al Tirgzu BaDerech.” “Don’t become agitated on the way.” When he sends them, it’s not the stuff, it’s the focus. The safety of the way. Have you ever traveled with my wife?!...
It was the way that Yosef cared. Sent them on the mission. More importantly. He and Paroh made sure they had everything. And more important than that, it was the peace of mind. You can't travel. You can't do your mission right when you have congregants that are so annoying. They get under your skin with their stupidity... AstroTurf???!!!!! How can I focus on being a rabbi with AstroTurf?! Am I supposed to slide into the Bima?! Is the Gabai going to tackle me?!...
And what do you need most? Peace of mind. “Al Tirgzu BaDerech.” You can have everything. But the wrong focus. People like Bernie, will throw you off...

Rashi gives three explanations for "not becoming agitated" and not dealing with congregants. Just thought you might want to know... Don’t discuss Halacha... Ever seen a Chavrusa. Yelling at each other. A lot of fighting about Rava. Even worse. Ever fielded a question from one of our members?! I never knew I would have to field questions about artificial grass. Don’t rush. Stop properly on the journey... A bathroom break. Yosef is telling them to take bathroom breaks, Fishel. And now I am agitated. How this is a Halachik question. And don’t fight about who is to blame for selling Yosef... I don’t know which one Yosef meant. He might have wanted to think they would fight on the way. The same way Ruchel wants to know that we appreciate her Tzimis...

When you send someone on a mission. When people are traveling, you think about them. “Don’t become agitated on the way.” You have that responsibility to support them. Don't give them the mission to be the rabbi and then ask him to deal with a membership who harmonizes... It's annoying. Kills my Davening every day. I'm hearing a ringing in my ear right now.
Now is not the time to think about where you went wrong. How you ended up in Topeka.
The individual has to focus on the mission. The other people have to support them correctly. Let your rabbi do his job and don't do stupid stuff. Don't be a board member...

The renovations committee needs to know they are fools. We have to support them in that way... Artificial turf?!! We have not one athlete in this shul...
How will it save people time in shul? Who in Gehenim mows carpets?!... You don’t mow the lawn in front of the shul anyways. 
And now we have to get down on AstroTurf on Yom Kippur?!...

The Chazin needs our support... The Tefillah is out loud. There is singing. You are expected to not be a bunch of depressing congregants... Yes. You are supposed to join in the singing. Rebecca has no problem harmonizing. Sounds awful...
You don’t even pay dues. How can you expect the Chazin to Daven for you...
He needed support. He needed the Hallelulaka at the end of Musaf Kedusha to get the tune right...

This is agitating. Hold on. You’re the Chazin. You have to be able to figure it out yourself... You think anybody can depend on our congregants?! Have you seen the dues? Can’t even depend on them to be congregants... They’re members but they’re not... If you haven’t paid your dues, you’re not members. You're people who take Kichel at Kiddish every week and don't pay... At least help the Chazin out with moving into the Musaf Kedusha. That’s your job as a congregant. And to pay your dues. And to make sure your rabbi gets a raise... You're congregants. You're still agitating. 
Couldn't even figure out the Al Hanisim tune for Kedusha. How can you be our Chazin. Getting a new one... Always messes up his mission... Well. We need a Chazin who can look at our congregation and say, "These people are very not helpful"...
You should be singing Al Hanisim eight days straight. That is how you celebrate Chanukah...

Tirgzu also means to become angry. “Don't become angry.” When others have a holiday. Don’t become agitated... I have spoken to the pastors about their celebrating Christmas months before their holiday starts. 
Their Christmas in downtown Topeka lasts from Shavuot to Purim. We have eight holidays in the time they celebrate one... 
Chanukah and they're wearing Christmas hats already. Can't give us the week. Eight days. That's all we want. I told them. They’ve taken over the radio with Christmas songs since July. It's not fair. Give us a song... They play those songs on the radio all year. That Mariah Carey and Bruce Springsteen... One Chanukah song is all we have. We have one song. "I Had a Little Dreidel"... And Al Hanisim. Correct... Maybe a Jew could support his people and focus on writing a Chanukah song for once... Always writing Christmas songs. I have a feeling a Catholic wrote "I Had a Little Dreidel"... You might have a little Dreidel. I had one. That's how I sing the song...

(Bereishit 45:19-21) Paroh tells Yosef that he should tell his brothers to take from the best of Egypt. And they do that. Why not?! Enjoy. If I told you to take from the best of the shul. You would be stuck in a long drown out conversation with Chana about turf.
Yosef though, focused on their journey. Yosef would’ve packed up a bunch of corned beef sandwiches for his brothers. The best corned beef. The fatty stuff... They didn’t have corned beef back then. Bernie. It's hyperbole, Bernie. Hope...
We all have a mission. We're all on a journey in this world. Don't take Bernie along. He will throw you off.  You take my wife. Next thing you know, you're shopping for Chanukah tinsels... 
But more than that. We have a requirement to not mess up other people's missions. Let me enjoy my vacation down in Florida this year, for crying out loud. Let me have some peace of mind. A week with no Christmas songs, and no renovation ideas dealing with AstroTurf. Idiots...

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi was hoping somebody would put together a corned beef on club for his next trip. Always hinting to stuff. He went off for three minutes on how he likes his sandwiches. Why lettuce with a touch of dill made it into the sermon this week is a question I still ask.

"Don't be a board member." Some of the most profound words from our rabbi. Best Musar, rebuke, our rabbi has ever given.

The Renovations committee felt it was important to get artificial turf because they had extra money. To quote the committee chair, “We have money. I think.”
They said the shul is like the Astrodome, as the sanctuary has a ceiling. That was their thought.

I agree. A Chazin should be able to do every Tefillah to Al HaNisim. That is how we’re going to start checking who's allowed to lead us in services.
They're depressing. Our shul’s members bring a feeling of sadness to Chanukah.
The rabbi later explained the responsibility of congregants. Which is something they pay for. You pay to help the Chazin. That's what a member does. He also let people know that they have to be ready to sing the Al HaNisim tune at least a hundred forty times over the course of Chanukah.
That's the requirement of a Jew. Payment. And then to sing Al Hanisim all hundred forty times with a smile.

The rabbi did make it clear that the congregants have bad voices. Nonetheless, they need to be part of the services. Which is why things sound very bad. Truth is I don't know if them singing will help the Chazin. It hurts me.

Our kids sat on Santa for Chanukah. That’s what the mall gave us as Jews for Chanukah. They allowed our children to enjoy Santa too.
I couldn't get one "Happy Hanukah" this year. Not even a Hanukah on Chanukah. It's Chanukah and they’re already celebrating Christmas. which isn’t even happening. So, for Chanukah, Santa wished us a Merry Christmas.
I'm just amazed at how much they celebrate Christmas in our town. No Jewish neighbor of mine is celebrating any Jewish holiday longer than they have to. Chanukah. We are not giving people more gifts. The fact they have to get eight gifts they don't want already is painful. We’re not singing Al Hanisim till Purim. Pesach. We are looking to get out of there. The holiday is over. We're not singing those songs anymore. Maybe Kel Bnei. Because it’s amazing.