Sermons of Rebuke V: VaYeitzei

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
We had a Minyin for Shacharit on Tuesday this week. The rabbi wants to thank H’ for the miracle. Even with our congregants, we had a Minyin. People showed up to shul.
 
We want to thank Baruch for not letting us know he was alone for Thanksgiving. Everybody would’ve felt bad. We would rather you be pathetic and lonely, and not have to know about it. Nobody needs a damper on their Simcha.
The congregation wants you to know that we all hope you enjoyed the pumpkin pie they were selling for lonely people at Walmart.
 
The rabbi’s Psak is that people aren’t allowed to post their workouts anymore. Nobody needs to know how out of shape our membership is.
And no advertising marathons for donations. Though, we understand people need to run after Thanksgiving.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: What a Shul Looks Like with A Minyin- A Field Trip to Another Shul. What Holiday Meals Look Like When Cooking for Yourself- With Baruch and Nobody Else (follow-up class with Baruch will be How to Deal with Depression and Loneliness with Congregants That Don't Care). How to Get More Out of Shape by Working Out- An Exercise Class Given by Our Congregants.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Yaakov asks for freedom. He wants out with his wives and kids. Kind of like the way I want out of dealing with this board... I understand that the Mr. Markowitz celebrates being single as freedom. But I can't support running away from your family... Yaakov wants freedom for his family. Now, I think we're all on the same page. He's not free, but his family is. Is that OK, Bernie? Can I go on?... I'm sorry I misspoke. I understand marriage is very painful. 

(Bereishit 30:27) Lavan says to Yaakov, “If I have found favor in your eyes, I have learned from divination that H’ has blessed me due to you.” Is he curing him? Then why the “you” at the end? It sounds like a curse... Even if it's a blessing, it's a curse. 
Then the "favor in your eyes" line. Trying to work Yaakov to get something. We all use it. Buttering him up. My kids use that all the time when they want ice cream... They're biblical children...
He needed divination. Lavan needs divine inspiration to realize he is blessed on account of Yaakov. It’s apparent. But he needs divine help to see it.
You need divine inspiration to realize what I have done for you guys... Because you don’t appreciate. Let me enlighten. Why have we cancelled the shul softball team? Which is an embarrassment, with the out of shape congregants... Why has this shul lost members? Why are there fewer annoying people telling jokes at Kiddish? Because of your rabbi.
Can I get away for winter vacation?! That’s all I want. Florida... If you appreciated me, you would let me go...

We can appreciate the Duadim. But can we appreciate what others do for us. Everybody loves Dudaim. Who doesn’t. I want one of those every day.
It doesn’t take divination to realize some stuff is messed up. To realize there is some stuff here that Dudaim cannot help. Some stuff that is not appreciated, and for good reason... We have a Chazin...

And you need the divine inspiration to appreciate. To appreciate H's blessings...
There was no Minyin. We were about to do the Amidah. Then, they showed, before we started the Amidah. A miracle. Was it Gd stepping in, or Pinchas twenty minutes late?... I consider every time we get a Minyin to be a miracle here. But this was a Nes Nistar. A hidden miracle. Kind of like when I don’t see congregants for a few months.
Do we appreciate the miracles?! On Chanukah there are miracles we can see. What I do for the shul, you can see...

And it's due to you and your selfish unYaakov like focus that Baruch had nowhere to go on Thanksgiving... No divine inspiration in your kindness. No holiday miracle...
So, nobody invited Baruch. You feel better feeling bad and enjoying not having to see him.
The idea is to not have to think about others at their Simchas and holidays?! I get it. This is why most of you don't do Pesach Seders, or put out a decent Kiddish for your daughter's Bat Mitzvah... Worst Kugel ever, Brian!!! You should be ashamed. Shame!!! Not even Dudaim. The Dudaim were about care... Well dude.
Bracha comes when you concern yourself with others. Just as Yaakov concerned himself with doing proper work... I'm not saying Bracha Rabinowitz. Blessing. Something good...
Baruch. You didn't miss out on anything. Just some turkey that was made in an oven. And other food that was not served in plastic containers...

Giving to your exercise is not what I'm talking about. How about if people donate to the shul, then they can donate to your marathon... What is the cause anyways? We know you're out of shape. We saw the pictures... I understand it costs money to run a marathon. Do people not pay for anything anymore?! I know they don't pay their dues or sponsor a decent Kiddish. One with a potato Kugel that has some oil in it... Your daughter's potato Kugel was a shanda...
Why is everybody posting their workout? Every out of shape person. Every congregant... I get the in-shape people on TikTok... Then post your workout in your sweater. I'm watching people working out showing how they let themselves go...
I don't appreciate your workouts. You lifting weights is not something anybody needs to see. I don't have to see how out of shape my congregants are. I see how they eat at Kiddish. Svetlana will not get a Shidduch like this... I am not out of shape shaming. I am posting your workouts shaming...
Dudaim cannot help your workouts on social media. I didn't need divine inspiration to know that.
This is the reason for Tznyut. Because of your out of shape selves. It’s like you’re always posting before pictures...
And then marathons now. We have to sponsor Rachel?!... We should have an out of shape marathon team that hasn't trained. Svetlana and Michael can lead the team. They can post it on the shul's Facebook group. And people will donate money after seeing how much help our community needs to get in better shape...
Yaakov was in good shape. And his Bracha was that he didn't have to see your posts...

It's about giving, and you all seem to only give when H' steps in. You are not Tzadikim like Yaakov. Like Lavan...
Do we need Dudaim when we have love?! When we have a nice vacation. A good getaway. Dudaim are great. When your congregation lets you go to Florida for the winter... Some Dudaim would really hit the spot right now.
It's not Dudaim. It's about seeing the Bracha. 
Sometimes H' needs to step in. Like Rachel, the Dudadim may help you feel better. But it is only Gd that grants the blessing of seeing the Bracha. 
May we be blessed to not need Dudaim for blessing. Just less members. Less pictures of out of shape congregants working out. Less single people, as they are a downer... It's a Psak. May you find favor in our eyes, with modest clothes. Because you are very out of shape.

Yaakov wants to go to Israel. When you appreciate people, you let them go. Which is why I am going to Florida for a couple months... Still keeping the job. Paid.

Rivka's Rundown
And still, nobody knows what Dudaim are.

Again, the rabbi uses the sermon to get more days off. He turned the Yaakov blessings into him deserving an all-expense paid trip to Florida. Nothing about Israel. This isn't Yaakov leaving for reasons such as family. This is for a perk. The rabbi used the Jewish people's call of "let my people go" for his vacation down to Florida.

The rabbi is correct. Any "you" at the end of a sentence sounds like a curse. Very offensive. I'm going to stop saying "bless you." It sounds nasty. From now on it's, "You should be blessed."

Us getting a Minyin. That was inspirational. It was like a rebbe story. One of miracles. No Minyin and then a Minyin.
People in our shul now believe in H’. If Shloimi can wake up for Minyin, anything is possible.

The upshot is it's selfish of Baruch to be alone.
Nobody needs to know you ate alone. That ruins other people enjoying themselves. Keep that to yourself too. 
Our congregants are so selfish. They actually asked if Baruch had dinner, just to find out how pathetic he really is. Not to invite him.
He should've lied and said he ate with people. Him eating alone made me feel bad. I'm sorry. It's sad when you have to buy a pumpkin pie at Walmart to celebrate the holiday. And then you have to budget and buy the small, personal size one. Such a Rachmanis. Wow. I'm happy I was able to say he's a Rachmanis. Feels like I did my part. Just saying he's pathetic makes me feel better.
The congregants truly do not want to help. Ever. Never visit the older members of the shul.

I had never seen the rabbi so animatedly angry as with Brian and that potato Kugel. Not even the bad egg salad got him that mad. And a good egg salad with potato Kugel is a Mechaya.
I once had cheese with potato Kugel. Melted right on it. That was Olam Haba. Sometimes you have to share inspirational stories. There was no Minyin that day. But it was a good potato Kugel. Maybe I should share that story with Baruch. Might inspire him knowing I enjoyed myself.

The rabbi made it clear. Not one in shape congregant. I believe that was the message.
That was the best argument for Tzniyut ever given.
They workout once and all the sudden it’s their profile picture. It's getting annoying. They have to stop putting up pictures. The most positive thing is where they put up a family picture and I want to smack them for being happy.

It really is getting annoying. And then Rachel did a marathon and we have to sponsor it. Had to advertise her marathon. If Rachel would work a little more, and stop running, she would be able to afford paying for her marathon.