Sermons of Rebuke V: Re'eh

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Words can’t express the feelings on the loss of Harry and Silvana.
 
We want to thank Jake for knowing about cars and picking up new tires for the president of our shul. Jake also knows English, if you have any kids that need tutoring for free. He does favors for free.
 
Our shul is now open. The right-wing table has been getting traction at Kiddish. Conservatives in our shul can now express their opinion, at the table in the left corner of the Kiddish room. If you do express your opinion anywhere else, the board will see to it that you are kicked out and lose your job.
 
We want to commend the Gabai on an excellent head nod given to the Bal Tefillah. The nod made it clear when to start the repetition.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Express Nothing at a Funeral by Saying “Words Can’t Express.” How to Give a Continue with Davening Nod Correctly and How to Space Out- The Art of Making People Wait Even When the Gabai Does His Job. Reasons to Never Tell Members of Our Shul You Can Help. How to Lose Your Friends by Sharing Your Opinion- A Torah World View and Why People Hate You for Loving Gd.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Devarim 14:1-2) Don’t cut yourselves and do not make bald spots between your eyes for dead people... I don’t know why people would do that Bernie. I understand your section is already bald. Them being bald is not a sin. Them driving on Shabbat is a sin...
"For you are a holy people to H’, your Gd, and H’ chose you for Himself to be a treasured people...” And this is why people hate us. Because they think we have money. They think Gd chose us to give us money... Treasured people don’t make bald spots between the eyes. Or even at hairlines. Bald just looks bad. Treasured people at least wear toupees... Gd doesn't want to have to look at the bald heads. You show up to pray to him. He doesn't want the light shining off your... The baldness in the back left of the shul just looks bad. H’ doesn’t want to see that either. Put on a Kippah for crying out loud...
I truthfully do not know why He chose you. I believe nobody picked any of our congregants to join their team in pickup softball last Sunday. Nobody chose any of our members.
The point is you have to be a treasured people. You are definitely not athletes...

The Perek starts with “You are children to H’.” Children have to act in a certain way. When you are children to the Minkowitz family you act like idiots...
Children of H', Bernie, of course have to act in a certain way. Proper. Holly. Bernie. You are chosen to not act like any committee I have ever seen in our shul... The worst hairlines.

Rashi teaches that children of H’ don’t follow Amorite practice, like pulling out hairs, like a fool.
The hair pulling at junior congregation has to stop. The Amorites would’ve done that, Betsy... I think the Amorite kids would've scratched and bit also.

We have to eat holy... I don’t know why the split hooves... Why are you asking me about the hooves? H' said we have to do it. We need hooves split. And fish need fins, because they swim better that way. And there are birds you can’t eat... You can’t catch a fish, let alone a bird, Simmy.
Just eat holy food... Eat what you’re commanded to. That's what children do. They eat holy stuff. What they're told to... You can make a lot of good stuff out of brisket. The fact that your children listen to nothing is a problem. That's why we have a little Amorite gang running the youth group.
Being treasured means eating decent salmon sushi... No hooves. Nobody likes P’tcha.

As children of H’, a treasured people, we have to express holiness in all our actions. In the way we eat. The way we talk. To be a Kiddush H’. 
“Words can’t express”??? What were you expressing at the Levaya? Nothing. It was the worst funeral... If the board had something nice to say, ever, they would say it. "Words can’t express," because you have nothing to express.
Harry and Silvana were great people. If anybody would've expressed that... And because you can’t express anything like a normal person at their funeral. Now, because you said nothing and showed no Kavod to such kind souls, everybody wants to pull out their hair...

You don't express holiness by taking. The problem is you all take advantage. You all want for free. You’re takers. Not givers. Rav Dessler would’ve given you Musar... Yes. For free. He wouldn't ask for an honorarium to let you know how annoying you are. I am saying it because you don't care about eating Kosher. You care about getting Kosher food for free. What kind of a treasured people doesn't pay. Doesn't want to give?!...
Jake. You should’ve never told anybody you know about cars. Now they're going to choose you to call when their car breaks down. Of course they’re going to call you. It costs $800 to visit the mechanic for a brake. You have free time...
And then the president of our shul. Yes. You’re the reason no professionals come to shul anymore. Because it's free when it's in shul. There are no copays at Kiddish... Jake is not going to last here. You even asked him to pay for your tires... That's not help. That's charity... Because he was helping?! And now you're conspiring. I heard them talking Jake. "Jake knows how to work on cars, and he also knows how to pay for cars." Good luck Jake. The congregants like you.
We have a shul of takers. People who have chosen to take... That's not what Gd wants. 
Thanks to our president, the only decent person around, who helps, will not want to be part of the community... He doesn't tutor. Jake did not offer to tutor for free...
Would children of H' charge as much if they were mechanics?! Very good question. I can tell you, they wouldn't show up to shul... 

Finally, the right-wing people have a safe space... I want to thank the board for including them in synagogue discussions in their area... They understand that if they are heard, they will be kicked out... My fault. I didn't realized Bernie is left-wing. Bernie. I am sorry. You can express your views during my sermon...
As you have noticed, I have only been speaking to the front right of this shul throughout this sermon. I have only expressed that we are chosen to the front right of the shul...

The Gabai is a holy man. A child of H'. He stopped eating shark...
The Gabai's head nod is a holy talent. The most important talent in shul... I know the Gabai can’t Layn the Torah or lead Davening. He bobs very well. This is why we chose our beadle... I still can’t stand Bob. He’s talking again. Bob, it’s a sermon now. Shut up. You're right-wing. I'll kick you out... You guys can stop cheering. I want to thank the Gabai for that look he just gave. You are so good at looks and bobs...
The Bal Tefillah gives a lookback, the Gabai gives the head nod. That's the order of holiness in the shul... What do you want? The Gabai to yell?!
Children of H' know of the holy head nod.

All of the stuff you can’t eat, it’s about the holiness.
The word used for what we can eat is "purity." Holiness depends on purity. And you are not pure if you can’t figure out when the Gabai is telling you to start the repetition of the Amidah... I don’t know all the Tamei, impure, birds. Do you know what a Yanshuf is?... I did not know that was an owl. Well, you can’t eat it. I do know that if you can't figure out when the head nod is coming, you are not pure and you shouldn't be leading Davening... H' did not task His treasured people with listening to Shloimi lead service...
Children of H' are pure. Our Gabai doesn't eat Treif. He wouldn't nod for that...

They don't eat carcasses Rivka... Because H' says so. 
(Devarim 14:21) “You shall not eat any carcass.” You give that to the stranger or sell it to them. They can enjoy it... 
When you’re called upon by Gd to be holy, you have to purchase Shechted meat. You have to pay more for stuff. That is what makes you a treasured people. Paying more. You're chosen to pay a lot... To mechanics too...
It says any carcass. Why am I hearing now about rabbit foot?!
And don’t cook a kid in its mother's milk. It’s wrong... I don’t know why H’ put that here. I truly have no idea... The reason. H' said so.

Because you are children of H', you have to do this. And you also have to provide a brisket carving station for Kiddish...

Rivka's Rundown
I feel holy right now. I paid twenty-five dollars a pound for the brisket this past Shabbat.
I believe everybody connected with the rabbi’s message of being the chosen people meaning that we have to pay more for stuff. They know that from the Kosher Mart which doesn’t sell pig for less than thirty-eight dollars a pound.

The rabbi's explanation of why we have to keep Kosher was extremely profound. If Martin would've said to not eat shellfish, I wouldn't have listened. It really depends on who's telling me stuff. 

They back left of the shul looks bad. If Gd has to look at that, He is not enjoying listening to their prayers. Wealthy people wear toupees. The rabbi is correct. A treasured people invests in hair.
There's a lot of hair pulling at junior congregation. I don't think the Amorites were as violent as our youth. They probably didn't play gaga and whack balls at each other in the name of fun. I have never seen a group of individuals have that much fun crying. 
I think Betsy is a bit of an Amorite. She will not stop pulling hair.

Our congregants truly make everything out of brisket. They're worried that cooking anything else will deem their kitchen Treif. It's just brisket and Manischewitz.

Nobody can express anything about Harry and Silvana. Losing them both at once was harsh. Their funeral was quite quick, as "words couldn’t express" anything about them. Their friends got up and expressed absolutely nothing. I had no idea what to think about them, other than they lived a whole life with very boring conversation.

Jake is not coming to shul anymore. That was a quick stint for him in our community. After tires, and then changing brakes in everybody’s backyard, Jake decided it was a better financial move to go Christian. As Jake said, “Then I can charge Jews.”
This is the same reason the population of Jewish doctors has went down in our town. At the heyday of Jewish pediatricians, this shul was packed with kids and parents asking doctors what to do about headaches at Kiddish.
Never let anybody in our shul know you have a skill. Our membership liking you is the worst thing that can happen.

The rabbi is right-wing. I don’t think he’s expressed his opinion for ten years. The rabbi now sits at the right-wing table. And he lost his job.
He got the job back real quick. He got rehired, when he went to say "Good Shabbis" to the Democrats.
The rabbi is worried about getting cancelled again, as a rabbi. To quote the secretary of the shul, "You don't talk Torah in a shul environment. It's offensive." He has started only speaking Torah to the front right of the shul. He's worried that if he addresses the rest of the shul with his views, they will cancel Judaism.

We’ve had Gabai yellers in the past, because we’ve had idiots leading Davening who have no idea what a head nod means. Reuven's head nod is so blatant. No scream is ever necessary. You feel the wind flying off his hair smack you with the jerk of his head nod. He's an impressive Gabai. Very right-wing, as expressed by the bob of his head.
We had one mourner who thought the Gabai had a twitch. That was the one time the Gabai had to yell, “Start. People here have jobs.” They then had to explain to the mourner that the Gabai's twitch only comes when you have to start repeating the Amidah. And then the Gabai went up to the guy, put that mourner in a headlock.
"How to Give a Continue with Davening Nod Correctly and How to Space Out- The Art of Making People Wait Even When the Gabai Does His Job." I think that class was a complaint against the guy Davening. The rabbi was supporting the Gabai though. The Gabai gave a follow-up class on why it's Mutar, permissible, for the Gabai to give the Baal Tefillah a headlock.