Sermons of Rebuke V: Noach

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Winter is coming. We ask people stop coughing again. Samantha coughed the other day. She shouldn’t have. She was wrong for trying to kill everybody. She’s evil. If she ever sneezes, she belongs in Gehenim.
 
People can come back to shul. The holidays are over. There will be no appeals. The shul has given up. We’re going to pray that the congregants at least pay dues. H’ Yishmor. Gd should protect us from our board and renovations.
 
Many people have complained about the Grossmans’ family last week. They hosted the relatives, and the cousins didn’t bring gifts. We want to let everybody know that the Grossmans did give bags of stuff for you to give to their guests that were staying at your homes. That is considered a gift.
 
You missed the Simcha last week. If you didn’t see it in the announcements, it wasn’t there. You missed the celebration.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Cough on People and Feel Fine About It - A Congregation With No Manners. The History of The Hidden Families Who Are Not Seen at Shul - The Hidden Jews of Appeals. What to Expect From Your Guests and The Torah Mitzvah of Hosting People to Get a Bottle of Wine. How To Miss a Simcha With Our Office Staff - A Series in More Announcements They Forgot.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
We ruined the world, but Gd orders us to go back and work it... We’re descendants of Noach. And the board has ruined the shul...

After being on the ark for a year, the land is dry and Noach is told to leave the ark. (Bereishit 8:16) H’ tells Noach, “Leave from the ark. You and your wife and your sons and your sons’ wives with you.” Sometimes we have to be told to go out. Leave... No. I mean it. Bernie. You are a disturbance. Every sermon, you talk. Leave...
When you go from the ark, you have to take your wife with you. I think we all understand that Noach might have wanted to run from the kids. Those things can ruin a vacation. Having to deal with them on a ship for that long...
H' had to make it clear to go from the ark. Noach knew what he had to do. H' told him. He had to leave the ark. Mitzvahs are easy. H' tells you what to do. You keep Shabbat... If you believe and are not a heretic like Gideon, it's easy. But when you all come to me with questions like, "Can I at least go on a little trip on Shabbis?" No. You can't. It's Shabbat. It's easy. When you're not trying to weasel your way out...
Only thing complicated is the president of the board. You take direction from her and you're stuck asking what the... Shul is easy. You have an ark, an Aron. That's the command. A Bima... Your ideas ruining shul renovations. You're renovating quilts.
Things aren't clear when you put your "personal touch" touch on it. Because you're selfish.

The land was dry. Noach could've figured it out. It's dry, you can go outside. It wasn't Topeka in the fall. Why didn’t he just go outside?... It was a year. He was used to being inside. Have you seen the pale members of this shul? Been inside for two hours and this is how they look.
We have to be told to go out. Children have to go outside sometimes, or they get chubby like the junior congregants... Paper football is not a way to keep in shape... You don't run in paper football. It's football with a paper towel... When we're stuck. We lose a sense of clarity. We have to be told. And this is why I am telling Bernie to leave... B"H. He let.

Elokim is used here to tell Noach to leave. Elokim, Gd, in his aspect of judgment tells us to leave the ark. Sternness. We need a push. You get stuck. After more than a year of hardship and catastrophe what do you do? After a year of seeing how much renovations can kill a decent looking shul. How much damage a committee can do. You leave that place and you start anew... I am proposing to get out of here, because this place isn’t safe anymore. The committee has ruined the structure of the building... I don't trust Fran and Duvidel with decisions of construction... Duvidel ruined the Sukkah when he touched the screwdriver. He just touched the screwdriver and the Sukkah fell. Didn't even use the screwdriver. His being around tools breaks things...
The foundation of our shul is compromised... I understand you've worked in foundations. But we are not asking donors to reinforce the concrete...

Haamek Davar teaches that to leave the ark, it is the Elokim, Gd who created nature. Not just Gd of judgment. It is Gd who rules over nature.
Gd's aspect of judgement created nature, because it needs order. It needs understanding. It needs people that are not part of our shul to run it right... We must outsource all committees. From now on, all shul committees will be outsourced to non-shul members...
Creativity comes once we first have the sternness. 

We have to be told to work nature. Told to bring out the animals. When overcoming trauma, we need a little push. A promising push. And now that we're overcoming the board, I am giving a little push.
We need a push. We need to be told it's fine to go... And be the ones to take out the animals. We need to be told to have compassion. When we are finally out in nature, we need compassion to continue it. We have to bring the animals with us...
We have to follow in Gd’s ways.

We are now told to come together. To not hurt one another. To not kill. The youth of our shul have to hear this. I have never seen such violent paper football...
People have feared coughing since COVID. You need to be told you can cough. I shall say it. You can cough!
Some of you haven’t coughed in years. You should all be thanking Samantha. Her Yom Kippur cough open the floodgates of COVID. You heard here cough and you started hacking away. Sneezes... All afraid of being deemed evil for sneezing. Now you sneeze... Thanks to Samantha for letting us know, it’s fine...
All afraid of being evil and getting others sick. Shlomo sneezed in his mask. Disgusting Shlomo. Leave the mask...
I for one am happy COVID is over.
Cough deprived. Menachem held it in for 5 years. People haven't been able to chuch without being kicked out of shul. For years. We're here to tell you it's fine. Samantha did the Chesed of letting us know you can chuch... Loudest chuch I've ever heard. Five years of chuching. Now Merv can finally turn a page... He needs to chuch to get out the spittle, so he has the stickiness to turn the page. If I have to explain...
Masks came off, all the sudden these people aged five years. In my shul that's twenty.  You guys look twenty years older. You are being told. "Leave the mask"... You are leaving the masks uglier than I remember them. You guys look better when I can just see the eyes...
Due to Samantha's Chesed and my telling you to leave, you can finally be kind again and visit the sick. Till now, the COVID protocol of Chesed was to stay away from the sick and let them die...
If for nothing. Thank you, Samantha, for giving us that moment of relief. Even if the Finkelwitzs think you're evil for having allergies... And once the masks came off, one or two of you even smiled. Disturbing. But it was a relief.

You can come to shul now. This is something you can do...
I thought nobody came to shul for the holidays because you were worried about appeals. The shul is just full of bad Jews who don't show... I didn’t even do appeals this year... You still haven’t given your appeals from last year.

Once you're out in the world, going to shul, you have to act right.
You have to give a gift for meals. You go to a house, you give a gift so people don’t complain... A bottle of Manischewitz doesn't suffice...
The big questions is, “Do you have to give a gift when crashing at somebody's home for a Simcha???” I have no idea how to answer that... They did you a favor, but they don't know you... I agree. The favor was for the Grossmans. Nobody knows their cousins from Ottawa.
It’s on the Grossmans. It was their daughter’s Bat Mitzvah...
It’s a Chutzpah for the shul to get involved. They didn’t even announce the Bat Mitzvah. It shouldn't have been in the announcements... However, the Grossmans didn’t even give one of those little paper bags... Henry. You have to give a little paper bag with handles. What you put in it is not important. A paper bag with handles and flimsy scrunchy paper... Yes. The flimsy scrunchy paper needs to be a color!!!  
We're not talking about the Finkelmans now... They did give you a gift. I know they came over for dinner and they gave you wine. A bottle of wine is a gift? Is it not?... It wasn't Manischewitz... Manischewitz peach wine?! That's better than wine. That suffices. That's value. They don't even make that anymore... How much do you need to spend on a gift? What do you expect? There is no end...  I don't care if they bought it. Our board put up a quilt Sarah Malkah messed up and said it was valuable... They should've coughed on you.
And stop going off on the Grossmans. Are they supposed to do renovations on your kitchen for hosting the mother’s sister?!... 
I am trying to help you all become decent people, but it is hard.

Gd has compassion. He smells Noach’s offering and has compassion. Right after the flood, H' is compassionate. (Bereishit 8:21) Because we are bad from our childhood. “Man’s heart is evil from its youth.” Like the kids of our shul.
H' realizes that the only way to deal with these evil people is to be compassionate. 
Again. We must follow in H's ways for this world to exist... H' would've been fine hosting without receiving a gift. It's called Hachnasat Orchim... Having guests is the Mitzvah. It's clear. Giving gifts is not clear. Hence, people don't want you as a guest, Bernie. Why is he back?!

Chamas. Robbery. This is why H’ wanted to destroy the world. It was destroyed already. They didn't have compassion on each other. The world can't exist like this. You rob people of life. You rob people of coughing. You rob people of wanting to come to shul. You rob people of enjoying a good brisket at your home... Because you invite them to bring you schnapps... How do you enjoy yourself as a guest when you paid more than the what you're getting out of the meal... Enjoyment as a guest is a mathematical equation. You subtract the retail price of the gift from what you ate at the meal. If the cost of your guest is within ten dollars of what you ate, you got ripped off... There have been meals where I overstuffed myself, so that hosts could get the Mitzvah of Hachnasat Orchim. If I paid forty dollars for a bottle of whiskey, I have to eat a lot of brisket and kugel. Otherwise, the host is going to Gehenim... Hachnasat Orchim is beautiful, but you people mess it up. You turn having guests into an Aveirah.

Thank you for owning the fact that the board ruined another Simcha. Thank you for letting us know we missed out on another Kiddish, because the Grossman Bat Mitzvah was not in the announcements last week…
It was a Bat Mitzvah. If it was a Bar Mitzvah, nobody would've wanted to be there. Do you really want to be at those things? Do you want to hear those kids Layn?... It’s better to not know. To have to listen to that kid messing up the Torah reading...

Like the people in the time of Noach. You have brought down society. You make Simchas not enjoyable. Celebrations with you causes hatred and violence... Simchas don’t cause hatred and violence?! Did you see what happened to the Gabai when he called up the wrong uncle up for an Aliyah?!

After we have the clarity of what to do, we need to do it with compassion. Push yourself out to the world. And when you’re there, have compassion. Don't bother your rabbi when he's trying to relax in his office with peach Manischewitz...
Go out. Work a little. Do something decent. Be useful, unlike Katherine, who still hasn't coughed since COVID. Don’t eat the blood of people, like the board who are a bunch of parasites...  How do you celebrate when you have a board? I want to apologize to the Grossmans.
It takes acceptance. We have to accept people suck...

I have given up on you doing what's right. On you being decent people.
We need compassion. That's the lesson. With a membership like we have. With a board and renovation committee that let you down. The only way for us to continue is through compassion.

My Bat Mitzvah from last week. We're proud of you. If you're still here. Get out there. Take a chance with these people who don't give gifts and don't pay dues. Invite them for dinner. They'll be bad conversation. Don't fear. You can't mess up more than our congregants.
Take that screwdriver. No matter how many generations of messed up trauma and parents telling us we are Jews, we have to push ourselves out to have that confidence... Don't use the screwdriver on Shabbat. It's Muktzah...
Just look at the kids of this shul. Issues. They have issues. And we have to have compassion... 
Without compassion you just want to hurt them...

Rivka's Rundown
After much convincing that the building won't collapse, even though Fran is in charge of construction, the rabbi allowed us to keep the shul. 
In his argument for a better world, and H' not destroying it, the rabbi talked of how it is forbidden for members of our shul to make decisions. Our members involved in anything is bad. I think that's what the rabbi was saying. That is the clear message from Gd in the Parsha.
The rabbi started outsourcing everything. He outsourced the board to the church. He outsourced the building committee to what he said are builders. It turns out it was just nonJews, and a guy who knew immigrants.

That no coughing announcement was crazy. The board is crazy. I think it was a committee decision. The shul still has a COVID Committee. It’s an alliteration so they think it’s a program.
I am getting sick of the left-wing members. I want to be around right-wing people who are fine getting other people sick.

I think the rabbi was telling the congregants it's fine to go out from the shul. It's fine to leave the shul. It's fine to not be members anymore. He wants them gone.

The rabbi almost got fired for saying COVID is over. Some of the Jews had no idea what to do, without a cause that made them better than you. They needed a new cause. One or two defected, went to New York and joined a campaign to vote for Mamdani.
People were thanking Samantha. Opened up the floodgates of COVID for everybody. We're just happy for Menachem, who's now allowed to finally cough in his house. After five years of no coughing and sneezing, he owes Samantha a thank you.
The rabbi is correct though. The membership is a lot uglier with masks off. There is something to the niqab. If the singles in our shul went with that style when dating, they'd have 

Truth is the shul just gave up. They didn't even do a Yizkur appeal this year. They know nobody will give anything.
Everybody’s given up. Even the fundraising committee has given up on fundraising. When a committee says they’re not going to meet, there’s a problem. These are people who have nothing to do. The committee is all they have. It's got to be a day of not wanting to bother the rabbi for them to give up.
The fundraising committee hasn’t even paid their dues.

Arguments as to what gifts are necessary from a guest has taken over the community discussion this week. Israel has not been mentioned once. I think our community is more worried about a bottle of alcohol than Israel. At least if they have to purchase it. And not one member of our community has ever brought a bottle of Sabra liqueur for a dinner. The lack of Israel support is almost as bad as their lack of support for shul.
The board has decided that when you visit for a Shabbat dinner, you have to bring more than one bottle of wine. This is the Manischewitz Rule. Due to the worry that our members will go Manischewitz on gift cost, the two-bottle rule is there.
When crashing at somebody’s house, you don’t have to bring anything. The Baalei SImcha do, as they're the ones who have the guests coming in from out of town for the Simcha. The conclusion is the community is doing the Baalei Simcha a favor. The family guests coming to town are Simcha bystanders. It's not their fault the girl is having a Bat Mitzvah.

Expecting gifts is crazy. I don’t want anybody to bring anything. Just themselves.
The Frum people say to bring nothing for dinner. They’re worried we’ll Treif up the kitchen
With this whole gift discussion, I don't want to be a guest anymore. I'm going to start staying in hotels. It's cheaper. And I will make it a point to not tip them.

Due to the rabbi not wanting the board to make a decision, because it will lead to disaster, the rabbi came up with Takana Gifts. When you're a guest, you can only give a gift up to ten dollars. This is the decree. 
Now people want to be guests again. And nobody wants to have guests. No more Hachnasat Orchim. It follows the idea of Takana weddings, where the families running the Simchas only pay up to forty dollars a head, and nobody wants to show, because they know the brisket will be dry. And they will skimp on the pigs-in-a-blanket. The idea is that now all Simchas cost less, and nobody comes. The true idea is to figure out a way for people to not want to be at these parties. Nobody likes them. They just want to go, smile for two minutes. Let the Chatan and Kalah know they were there. They want to hear that they don't have to give a gift. It's really about getting out of gifts. The rabbi is right. And in our shul, it's also about not wanting to see people.

The Stuff That Our Announcements Missed class turned into a list of stuff they forgot to announce. High Holiday seats were forgot. The shul softball team tryouts were forgot, for the better. Danny's eightieth birthday. You don't miss an eightieth. You can miss a wedding. Not an eightieth. People here an eightieth and they get a warm feeling of love in their heart. They hear about a wedding and they're trying to figure out "how?!"
And you don't announce it when it's a woman's eightieth. Very complicated what to do in that situation. You just celebrate. Call it a Bat Mitzvah.
I am fine with them missing the announcements. There's too much celebrating. I like hearing when I missed a Simcha. 

There were a lot of chuchs in the class. The board called off Minyin, as there were worried somebody would catch COVID from a chuch.