Sermons of Rebuke V: Miketz and more Chanukah

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Marcie got no gifts this Chanukah, and she is happy. She asks that nobody gives her anything. She’s sponsoring Kiddish. To quote: “Kiddish this Shabbat is in honor of not getting anything I didn’t want. I’m so happy nobody thought of me this holiday.” Marcie also wants everybody to know, "I didn’t need any new winter accessories with Chanukah images that I wouldn't have worn on Chanukah. And that means I now don’t have to shop for people, for stuff they didn’t ask for.”
 
We want to thank our funeral director, Mark, for showing up to the shul Chanukah party, just in case somebody from our shul dies too. We love having Mark at our services. We understand that other shuls also have a good chance of people passing away at services.
 
The eighth night of Chanukah we will have a memorial service for our Jewish brethren in Australia. We ask Bernie and Marty not come.
 
Note to Our Baal Tefillah this Chanukah: You don’t have to do every Shabbat Tefillah to the tune of Al HaNisim.

Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Ruin Somebody’s Holiday with a Sale You Found at Five Below. Chesed Shel Emet- A Reason to Show to Shul. Chesed Shel Emet Part Two- The Financial Benefit of Caring for Our Loved Ones. When You Shouldn't be Present- People Who Are Not Comforting to See Like Bernie and Marty. How to Fit All of the Words of the Repetition of the Amidah to the Tune of Al HaNisim.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
The famine starts... It wasn’t the shul Chanukah party, where the sisterhood didn’t make enough Latkes...
(Bereishit 42:1) Yaakov sees there is food in Mitzrayim and tells his sons to g. And then he asks his sons, “Why do you make yourselves be seen?” Seemingly not much to do with the going down to Egypt. Just, "Why are you wearing your baseball caps off to the side?"... It's annoying. And I would appreciate it if your kids stopped doing that. It's not cute. It's annoying...
"Why are you making yourselves conspicuous?" That is the question. And I ask that of our congregants who harmonize so off-tune. Tone-deaf... Yes. That is offensive to deaf people. I'm sorry for comparing you to these people with awful voices, Kimberly. Our deaf congregants sing much better than you... Kimberly. Please sit. I appreciate your support of that last statement. They do sound awful... Benjamin signs it and he sounds better than the rest of the conversation. At least his harmonizing doesn't ruin the song...

When you have it better than others, don’t show that to them. Don't be a Baal Gayva. Be on the people’s level.
Rashi quotes Taanit 10b, “Why do you make yourselves seen before the children of Yishmael and Esav as if you have plenty?!” For this kind of behavior, will lead to envy and ill will.
Now. I know nobody in this shul has anything to show off. I've seen your homes. You all have it very bad. I see your lawns. It’s depressing... Your lawn only looks good now because of the snow...

"I understand they were running out of food too. But don’t show them you are OK." Sometimes you have to look bad too. Like one of our congregants...
Your harmonizing is not showing off. It's just offensive.
When you have the big house, people will hate you... You go to New York. New Jersey. Everybody has to show off what they have. Yaakov asks, “Why do you make yourself conspicuous?!”
Truth is the statement has nothing to do with going to get provisions. The Jewish way is one of modesty... I know it’s not. But it is.

Jews should not show off... Why? Because Yaakov says it. Do I need more proof?! How much proof does this congregation need for every little thing... It's my parking spot, because it says "Rabbi's spot"...

I see little Samantha showing off her Chanukah gifts. That’s not what Jews do. Unless if it’s one of those electric ride-ons. You get one of those, you show it off to everybody. And you don’t share... Because those are awesome.

Being seen is not always good, especially when it’s our shul. We all saw what happened in the inter-shul basketball league... There’s a reason our shul sticks to Davening...

Of course Marcie is happy not being noticed. She didn’t get any gifts.  
She has nothing to show off. She doesn’t have to thank people for giving her something she didn’t want... You’re going to flaunt a new scarf with Dreidels on it?!... For some reason, I will not be wearing my gifts.
I got gifts and I am disappointed. Marcie is happy and she doesn't have to worry about people being offended that she didn't give them anything they didn't ask for... A gift is something I made a point of not buying. 
I had to write thank yous... Because I didn’t give them gifts. It’s either a gift or a thank you for something I didn’t want...
Money. That makes sense. The one time to flaunt money is when giving a gift...

What has Mark ever flaunted, other than his Lincoln Navigator... It’s a hearse.
A little respect for Mark. He’s a great funeral director. He shows to all the shuls, because he understands that you go to shul for business. You’ve got to drum it up. Our shul is not the only synagogue where people die... Of course he spends his time talking to the old people...

Marty. You ruined the Chanukah party last week. Nobody thought that could be done. But you made it worse than the sisterhood... Showing off your ability to down whiskey in front of the families...
Marty seen at an event makes it bad.

I am sorry for Shlomo’s Kabalat Shabbat. There is no Chanukah tune other than Al HaNisim or the lighting songs... Lecha Dodi to Al HaNisim... You did Kedusha to Al HaNisim too. We need another Chanukah song... I know you tried changing it up, but you got caught at Lo Teyvoshi and right back to Al HaNisim.
You didn’t show off your ability to sing. Or to pick tunes. Very modest. Nobody is jealous of your singing... They were bothered by it... 
You only do the lighting songs for lighting. Because it's Mutar to do Chanukah carols around the Menorah...

There are times to be seen, and that is when you need to be with the people.
Show up to the memorial service, you selfish pieces of... You don't show off at memorial services.
Marty and Bernie should not be seen... Bernie. They said "thank you for coming" right when you got there, because they wanted you to leave. It was like they were saying, "Thank you for coming. Now please go."
You have to join. But you have to sometimes not let yourself be known. Be part of the people...

My grandmother would say, “Don’t let them know how much money you have.” She always looked good. Made herself up. She was sick as anything. Nobody ever knew. She always had jet black hair. She was born with jet black hair and she went to Olam Haba with jet black hair... She could've been two-hundred. Jet black hair...
It was always status quo. Going on a vacation. Status quo. Going to shul. Status quo. Going to get a heart transplant. Status quo... Don't bring attention to yourself. Only to your hair...
You join in the community struggles and care for others. The point is don’t show your selfishness, and you might end up being a good person... I know you're selfish. If you cared about us, you wouldn't sing. Please just don't sing... We have enough troubles.
Keep your struggles to yourself. Don’t ruin Kabbalat Shabbat for us with your inability to figure out how to fit Al HaNisim to a Tefillah. Don’t share your messed up family pictures from your vacation
Don’t buy your messed up gifts that you had to find on sale because you’re poor...

I am saying to be humble... Not when you give gifts...

"Why do you make yourself be seen?" "Titrau." With an Aleph.
"Titrau" with an Ayin means "make yourselves bad." The Torah doesn’t say that. Yaakov's children were not part of the Markowitz family. The Torah writes it with an Aleph. Even so, we can learn something... If you listened, you could learn something...
We can learn that when you make yourself be seen, you make yourself bad.
​Being seen. A desire to be seen. To show off. That makes yourself bad. "Titrau" with an Ayin...
I request you don't sing.
Were Yaakov's sons singing? I don't know. Maybe they were wearing nice clothes, showing they had a lot of food, and harmonizing in front of the Yishmaelim. Maybe it's your harmonizing. That is where antisemitism is from...

The reason nonJews hate our congregants is pure hatred. Nothing to do with money... You drive disgusting cars. You have nothing to show... You can't show off a KIA.
Sharing Latkes with them would not help the situation. There are not enough Latkes to share. And the sisterhood did a very bad job with them... They would hate us for bad food.
Our shul is not gloating with Latkes.

If you're going to give a gift, make it money...
Gifts are Asur because of Maarat Ayin. You see the package. You see the bad. You think it's going to be good. Then you open it and notice that Bracha found a sale... 

Rivka's Rundown
Definitely not enough Latkes at the party. Crazy amounts of Sufganiahs, and nobody eats them. Maybe there were very few Sufganiahs, but nobody eats them. I can't tell you.
One person ate the Sufganiahs and said they make you fat. So, nobody else ate them. After looking around, I just assumed that every member in the shul was eating them all year.

The deaf congregants thanked the rabbi for letting the hearing congregants know how much better the deaf members sound than them. One deaf congregant said, "It's so painful. Every time they sing my hearing aid starts buzzing."

The sisterhood truly didn’t make enough Latkes. I have a feeling they were taking Yaakov’s lesson to heart and making sure nobody had anything. They had nothing to show for. Just people asking why there were no Latkes at a Chanukah party.
The rabbi gave a class on how Latkes started with the Chashmonaim, who created french fries. He didn't have sources. But he had a lot of intuition. I believe he said it was Ruach HaKodesh. He's been using the spirit of holiness to explain a lot of Jewish history and our traditions the past few weeks. I think he just got sick of looking up the sources. He was using the statement, "We learn this from Chazal." But he stopped using that when people asked him where that source of the rabbis was. 
Now that people have found a way to argue with the source of Chazal, he's went to Ruach HaKodesh.

We got killed in the Chanukah basketball tournament. I have a feeling our shul is more religious. It seems like these other shuls keep in shape.

We need another Chanukah song. These guys think that every Tefillah works with Al HaNisim. I must have sung Al HaNisim in seventy different forms this past week.

Gifts are a pain. The rabbi suggested we get rid of the idea of gifts on Chanukah. To quote, "To bring joy to Chanukah, you give nobody a gift."
The rabbi truly wants more gifts. Just in the form of money. He noticed that nobody was catching that message, so he banned gifts.
By Sunday, the rabbi realized you can't get away without gifts on Chanukah, because the malls have Santa. How Santa is now affecting Chanukah gifts is something the rabbi explained based on Ruach HaKodesh. So, the rabbi started a Chanukah gift registry business for next year. He said that if you get people stuff they can't afford, it's appreciated. So now, for Chanukah you have to buy people dishwashers and fridges.

Mark pops in every few months just in case the old members forget he can do their funeral.

I am happy the rabbi finally called out the selfish Jews who just take. It’s the same people that take all the Kichel at Kiddish. They take the Kichel and flaunt their plate.

I am happy our community is finally coming together for our nation.
At least a quarter of the community showed up. The others didn’t show for religious reasons. They said Ruach HaKodesh told them they didn't have to go to the memorial service.
I think the rabbi has to define who's allowed to use Ruach HaKodesh. Me and my husband went for a movie and we came back to find the babysitter had her friends over at our house. She said that Ruach HaKodesh said she should eat our leftovers with her friends, and pay her by the hour.