Sermons of Rebuke V: Matos-Masai

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
No violent greetings even if you are friends. Hellos shouldn’t hurt or injure people. And loud hugs must be kept to a minimum. Our seniors thought Zev and Nachum were fighting when they were saying "Shabbat Shalom."
 
We are going to ask our Chazin only sings two tunes for Kedusha. Due to the use of modern songs in Kedusha, our congregants think that the lyrics to every Jewish song are “Naaritzcha vNakdishcha.”
 
We want the new members to know that saying Hi to people is welcome in our community. We understand that you come from an area with a lot of Jews, where people like being ignored.
Our shul is full of losers who like saying Hi and you’re the reason for Tisha BAv.
 
Contemporary Halacha Class: How to Hurt People With a Shabbat Greeting. The Real Words to All the Tunes Our Chazin Steals and Uses for Naaritzcha. How to Run a Not Friendly Shul With Our New Congregants.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Happy Tisha BAv everybody. It’s coming up next week. I want to enjoy it this year... How do you enjoy? You mourn with your people. Not with the people of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Mourning with you all is depressing...

Reuven and Gad want to stay in this land they just got. Not in Israel. The same way ya’ll love Topeka. If there was Topeka in Egypt, you would’ve asked to stay... It’s nice. OK. It’s not Israel. You don't even have a Kosher restaurant here. How can you want to stay. As a Jew??? Reuven and Gad want to stay. They have good land. They have a guy willing to open a falafel shop... They at least got permission from Gd.
The verdict. (Bamidbar 32:20-22) “Moshe says to them, ‘If you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before H’ for battle. And every armed man of yours crosses the Jordan before H’, until He drives out His enemies before Him. And the Land shall be conquered before H’..." Israel’s enemies are H’s. We have to drive them out. That is part of our calling as a nation... I have driven many potential congregants out of this shul. For Gd...
"This thing" means joining your nation in battle... Well. Moshe didn't have your parents. Gd didn't live by your parents' grammatical rules. Vagueness was allowed, because everybody knew what they were talking about, and they weren't annoying. And they knew Torah. Unlike you all that sit in the back left... You guys wouldn't even join a discussion about Israel. Let alone a battle...
Moshe continues, "And after this you shall return. And you shall be clean from H’ and Israel, and this Land shall be a heritage for you before H’.” Only once they go in and join their people in battle, is it a heritage and connected to H’ and the Jews. When you do nothing to help your people. When the only thing you do is watch FOX News. When you don't even pay your dues... I get it. FOX News is more pro-Israel. But if you're not fighting for your people. And I know some of you fight at Kiddish over the herring... It's not holy. None of this hear is connected to H', because you don't fight for your people. And you don't even mow your lawn... At least mow your lawn. H' appreciates decent lawns...
We go out and we fight on behalf of H’. That is when we can return and know that our homes are good. That we are vindicated from H’ and from Israel. It's about not having to feel guilty...

When you are part of that, you can be blessed. If you are not. If you’re sitting here all relaxed with herring on Kichel, which is amazing, while those that are fighting for you are not safe, your land is not blessed. It is not a heritage. You're living in Topeka for Moshe’s sake. Gd would have probably said no to Reuven and Gad going to Topeka. You go to Topeka to run away from your people...

Is it not blatant? Do I have to say the soldiers??? Of course. It’s the soldiers. Tehy are the ones that bring us blessing. Not your children...
Maybe before learning, go out there with your people. Fight. At least go to the back left of the shul and tell them to stop talking. Tell Bernie to be quiet. Do something for your people.
Of course I am making the point that Americans should do the army. Your people are out there fighting. Nothing gives you the right... I know you can do what you want. But Gd and the Jewish people don't like you. That shouldn't be a shock. Sadie doesn't like you either...
That’s why we’re proud of the Berkstein children, who joined Tzahal... Tzahal is the IDF. They are doing the army, unlike the Finkelman children and the...

Fight for your people until they are safe. Have you fought for your people. Are you connecting with your people's plight?... Other than YouTube videos...
It’s all fine and dandy. It’s not, until your people are resting secure. And not helping your people is not helping Gd... Because Gd wants that. 
If join in our brother's fight "this Land" is ours. Is it the land on the other side of the Jordan or does "this Land" mean Israel?... I don't know. That's why I'm asking. The one time you people choose not to talk...

You haven’t helped your people. You've attacked with your Hellos. That's about it. Your greetings are very violent... Truth is I'm scared to get hugged by you. They're loud, and I will get hurt...
You would think our people would have Shalom amongst ourselves. Zev is still attacking people to say Hi. This is why nobody wants close friends in the shul.
They even hug violently. And it’s loud. We are not meant to fight each other with greetings... If you went in and hugged Hamas, the war would be over in a second.
I don’t shake your hands, because... I get you work in construction. Calm down. We know you have a good grip. Don't have to prove you've used power tools this week. We get it... Sinat Chinam, baseless hatred, was caused by people saying Hello.

The Chazin’s tunes have just confused our people. I don't believe they've helped.
I am getting confused by the Chazin myself. The Chazin even got to me. I started thinking that the words to "Am Yisrael Chai" and "Kol HaOlam Koolo" are "Naaritzcha..." Those are songs. Their words are not "Naartizcha."
Even "Adon Olam" isn’t "Adon Olam."
"Lecha Dodi" to Chumbawumba’s "Tubthumping"? Is nothing out of limits... Oh. That song is "Keitzad Mirakdim Lifnei HaKala"? I thought it was "Lecha Dodi." I even corrected them at the wedding. I told them we sing that song Friday nights. Not for the newlyweds... Because of our Chazin misappropriating every Jewish song. 
We need regular tunes to the songs. I even had to ask why the Beach Boys are singing "Dror Yikra"...
Join the army and then you can use whatever tunes... Do that Mi Shebeiyrach for Tzahal tune for Mi Shebeiyrach for Tzahal. Not "Naaritzcha" or whatever it is. I can't say I know...

We can all fight in some way for the army of H’ by being nice. By fighting for Shalom in our people. That is our fight now. That and Hamas. And Iran. And everybody on college campuses, and everybody who hates Jews, your neighbors... There are a lot of people that hate us. I didn't realize is was that many. I thought it was only had to fight against the board...

I am not supporting violent Hellos. Just Hellos... 
If you’re not joining in this battle, if you are not there with your nation (32:23) “you will have sinned to H’, and know your sin that will find you.” This congregation found me, and I take blame for that.
The new family found us... We can’t stand the new family. The Markowitzs. I have to agree. You don’t say Hi. You think it’s cool to ignore people. The one thing our congregation does is not ignore people. Our congregants get in your face, ask about your family, and make you want to kill yourself. The one positive Mayla of our membership is we know everything about you...
If you’re going to be here, say Hi. at least talk... Now you talk. First time you talk to anybody, when I’m giving a sermon... I thought you were fine being snobby... You pass people and don’t say Hi. How do you expect people to take it? Reuven and Gad wanting to stay on the other side of the Jordan. How do you think our people going to battle would take it?!...
It's the unfriendliness that causes a disconnect amongst our people. How can you go to battle with your brothers if you don't even say Hi to them?!... 
You are the reason for Tisha BAv. Lashon Hara. You cause it. It's your not telling Samantha every single thing about your kids and how your cousins are doing, at Kiddish...
I understand it's easier to stay away and enjoy Shabbat, not saying Hi to the other members here. I wish I could. But I go to battle every day against the congregants here...

And now the Torah can go over all the travels of the Jewish people. Now that everything is understood. That we all have to fight for our people...
Nothing here is ever understood. That's why we never have shul trips. The last trip to Slide and Fun as a shul was the most horrendous display of non-unity. When Avromy knocks over Shimmy for a horse on springs... The horse doesn't move. The springs are so hard...
Sinning to your people is sinning to H'.
And sometimes you have to fight. Which is why I am saying that the Chazin has to calm down with his songs. And you all have to greet people correctly... Then you will be part of the nation, and not sinning like you always do...

Once the battle is over, OK. You can go back to being selfish. Being congregants of Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, singing "Naaritzcha" for every Jewish song. But when your people are fighting, you go out there. If you are with your people at those moments, you are vindicated.
And I know we've fought some battles with members. And yes, they keep coming back. Some battles never end...
May we all merit to be safe from congregants who ruin Kiddish, and a Chazin who ruins every Jewish song for me.
And may we finally get a little Kosher restaurant here, so we can say this is Jewish. What kind of Jews have nowhere to eat...

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbi made everybody line up, and he coached them one by one, how to greet each other properly. In the middle of the sermon. He started with the handshake, then the look into the other person's eyes, then the part where you say "I have no idea what tune the Chazin is singing."
He then held a class on greeting people correctly, according to Halacha. There was a lot of debate as to whether the greeting should be Good Shabbis, Good Shabbat or Shabbat Shalom. The rabbi squashed the debate, and said, "It's Tuesday. Just say 'Hello.'"

I think the rabbi put telling Bernie to shut up on the same level of importance as fighting for the State of Israel and the Jewish people.

The rabbi listed the good members of our congregation whose kids are serving in the IDF. He also listed all the kids who are in college and working as professionals, who bring no Nachis. And that included the Chazin.

The rabbi wants a good Tisha BAv. He wants to enjoy it this year. He truly gets Hana’ah, enjoyment, out of mourning.

Fran called 911 when she saw Nachum and Zev say "Hi." She got scared. Asked why there is gang violence in the shul. Fran said she carries her phone on Shabbat for emergencies. She said she drives her car on Shabbat for emergencies too. Just in case she has to get to the hospital, or pick up some groceries. I would put my money on it that Fran would call 911 to help with her groceries.
The rabbi was saying the Beit HaMikdash was destroyed because people injured each other by saying "Hello" with too strong of a grip.
I am happy I am a woman, I think a guy Hello might injure me.

It does get confusing when we misappropriate every American song. Even Jewish songs. The liberal members of our congregation started holding up “We shall not misappropriate Naaritzcha songs” signs.
One member held a sign saying “Give "Yankee Doodle" back to its rightful owners."

There are a lot of people that hate us. The rabbi was going to say the fight is only with those close to us. Because they are very violent with how they say Hello and herring. It turned out that almost every nation hates us. Not just the members at our shul.

The Markowitzs passed me without saying "Hi." We're not talking about passing my house. We're talking about in shul. Two hours after they met me, they already feel that we are close enough that they can ignore me.

The rabbi gave the class on how to say hello to people. He also showed how a no look pass by might be taken as unfriendly, and might cost an invite to a Bat Mitzvah. Which is why the Markowitzs probably do it. They don't want anybody to like them. They don't want to have to go to Simchas.