Sermons of Rebuke V: Chukat

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
To celebrate of July 4th and US Independence, we’ll have choolante.
 
End of Year Celebration. Summer break. July. It’s a coming into July celebration. We are happy to say the kids aren’t here. 
We are celebrating not having to see your kids. A Simcha this Tuesday night. The program will be highlighted by no kids.
 
The American Antisemitism program was greatly attended. We want to thank everybody for coming and learning about hatred of Jews. The rabbi did not come. To quote the rabbi: “I try to stay away from antisemitism. I will not go to a program that promotes it.”
 
The Jews at the Amusement Park program was greatly attended last week, because it wasn’t in shul. We will plan to have our next program at the Drinking Pit, as congregants will show to that.
 
Contemporary Halacha Class: How Choolante Made America Frum- Getting Fatter on Thursday Nights in Monsey. How to Celebrate a Bar Mitzvah Without Kids So That Everybody Will Be Happy. Why Programs on Antisemitism Draw People Who Also Hater Learning Torah. Should Our Shul Get a Water Slide or a New Torah- Discussions in Modern Jewish Practice.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Stop complaining about the cost of camp. The Jews were complaining to Edom because they were slaves for hundreds of years... You raised kids who are annoying. It’s not the same. Having to cook dinner does not mean you’re a slave. It’s called cooking... “Slaving over the soup” is not a respectable form of slavery... Freedom doesn’t mean your kids can pass through shul and bother everybody trying to Daven. You just freed yourselves from those annoying things. It’s like years of freedom. Each day at summer camp is a year of freedom. And that costs. Your kids not being here is freedom...

(Bamidbar 20:17-20) Edom doesn’t let the Jews pass through. After sharing the story with their cousins, and even saying, “We won’t use anything”. Even after saying, “We won’t turn right or left till we pass through your land.” It's like the time the Hershkovitz Mishpuchi didn't host anybody for the Frankel Bat Mitzvah. The Frankel's cousins had to stay at a hotel. Thus killing the weekend... When you have to spend $280 on a room, per night, for a Bat Mitzvah, you are not happy. I believe their family broke up because of it... Bat Mitzvahs should not cost a guest more than eighty dollars for the weekend...
We were telling Edom we weren't going to bother them. Your kids are annoying, and they bother everybody Ruchel. Even at the Bat Mitzvah...
Even not drinking water. Edom first threatens with the sword and then comes out to kill the Jews. Or at least with “a vast force and a strong hand.”
There is no end to the hatred. Anti-Semites don’t want us even passing through... I am saying your kids should not be passing through the Bima in the middle of Musaf. That's not antisemitism...

Edom is how to not do Hachnasat Orchim. Edom and the Hershkovitz family are not good at welcoming guests... Look what happened in Europe... 
This is what happens when you don’t have Hachnasat Orchim. Kids running all around. A messed-up July 4th celebration with choolante... You end up with a hatred of people. You don’t even offer me a drink. The rabbi passes by your house. You’re like Edom...
I do get the sense we need a strong force here to keep out congregants. Most of you show up to shul once a month... The daily is safe of anti-Semites. They know Jews don't go... Our congregants don't show up to Davening unless if they have a Yahrzeit. To Daven alone...

What makes Edom so disgusting is how they treat people finding freedom.
I’m trying to find freedom from this congregation. But you are evil. You all still come to shul. Once a month. But you still come.
July 4th is about freedom. You help people with freedom. You bring the food. You offer it. Don’t be like Edom. Offer food and punch... A Jew would’ve offered fruit punch to people passing through. You come to shul, you help feed people... No soup kitchen. You don't draw that element.
It is Independence Day weekend and we have a lot of divorcees in this shul. Dads can’t even pass through their own houses anymore... Let the divorcees into your home. Support them. Help people with their freedom...

Always choolante. How is choolante American?... So, say you put hot dogs in it for July 4th... Why don’t you celebrate America by mowing your lawn, Shlomo?!
Celebrate freedom. Fight Edom... Tucker Carlson is Edom.

Don't let kids pass through... Sending your kids to camp is a way of showing love for your people. It’s kindness. It supports freedom in our shul. For the Jewish people...
We are celebrating July 4th Shabbat by not having to see kids. It’s amazing. July is finally here. And Pinny, Bernie, and Leah Sarah are not. The kids are not here. B”H... The end of the year. Or is it July. We celebrate July. Because the kids are gone...
Why is the youth director getting paid? I understand, you have a youth director and that draws kids... Well. Right now, Merv is doing a great job. Kids are not here. Yashkoych Merv. Merv deserves a raise...

What happens when Edom acts as they do, there is hatred everywhere. They won’t even let us into the Topeka amusement park anymore. Antisemitism...
Why would I go to an antisemitism program? I’m not an idiot... Then why are you calling it an "Antisemitism Program." It's like you're calling people to come to learn how to be better anti-Semites. You could've had the shul board present that program... Well. Antisemitism was in the title. You were promoting it.
I didn’t go to the amusement park either... Because there are anti-Semites there Ruchel. To not allow Jews anymore...
I heard one of our members went to the water park and took off their shirt. Great way to fight back and claim it as ours. I am proud of Menachem. We all know how out of shape Menachem is... It was told to me that Jews are not allowed to go down water slides anymore. The town council head called me and said it is a rabbinic ordination... Due to how out of shape our community is...
Of course they are going to make you pay if you want to still go, after the banned us... They are trying to keep Jews out of the amusement park... It’s not antisemitism. They just know you don’t pay your dues...
It seems like you value water slides more than Torah.

The lesson we learn from Edom is to be kind. Let family pass through... From what Edom didn't do. Every day I learn from the board...

The problem happened when they weren’t even willing to give them a drink.
Have decent choolante for them... Don’t be like Edom. Treat people in search of freedom right. Send your kids to camp... Finally, I can Daven.

(Bamdibar 20:21) “So Israel turned away from them.” Sometimes you have to stay away from evil, even if it’s your cousins. And this is why everybody hates the Hershkovitzs... Run from evil. And this is why I will be going on vacation next month...

Rivka's Rundown
The rabbis July 4th sermon was so touching. Especially the part about getting rid of kids for freedom.
The rabbi’s message of being parents, though, is not going over the way he wants. They are still having kids.

The Fountain Dew Hotel is not the greatest place. It's more like a motel guest house. But it's the only thing close to shul, and they charge a lot. The cost makes it more regal, and it is quite spacious if you hang out at the park right next to the Fountain Dew. 

Due to the rabbi's message, Hachnasat Orchim has changed in our shul. Now people are regularly cutting through my house on the way to shul. And they're calling me Edom, because I lock my doors when I'm sleeping.
The rabbi had the community out up in arms, looking for Edom, to fight the battle for our people. Once they realized that Harry's Doughnuts was fine with Jews shopping there, they relaxed a bit. They also realized that the mall was fine with Jews going in there and not buying anything. It turns out that Edom is not in Topeka, except for out the Fountain Dew, where they charge too much. And at the Hershkovitz house.

Never seen a rabbi so happy to celebrate not having to see his congregants for a week. I think he thought end of year gets him out of work too. The rabbi was not himself for a couple of days, after hearing that he was still the rabbi of the shul.
The July end of year celebration was for the school year, but he was happy not having to see the kids. To quote the rabbi's words he gave over at the celebration, “If only the parents left for the summer too.”

They served choolante on a barbecue. This made the July 4th celebration more American. There is a certain point where being Frum doesn't seem to capture the gestalt of America. 
At my family July 4th celebration we had deli. Pastrami is Jewish and American.

Merv took the rabbi's message to heart. He stopped working altogether. There are no youth groups for the summer. The director gets paid for organizing not having kids in the shul. And the rabbi decided that Merv should be doing that all year, as "the shul is so much better without youth."

Why so many Jews showed to the antisemitism program, I am wondering about that myself.

They banned Jews from going to water parks now in our town, thanks to Menachem's torso. The Jews are now protesting. Why Jews want to go places they are not wanted, I still can't figure this out. The antisemitism program and the water park now. Our congregants should be walking around with picket signs. Go down the water slides yelling in an act of protest. And because they're scared of shirtless Menachem. They should truly ban that guy from everywhere. Scare as anything.
There was a big fight at the water park, as at the antisemitism event they said to make a big deal and fight antisemitism. It turns out the park was against the act of public scariness of Jews in bathing suits. Children were scared. The town council suggested we keep Menachem in shul until he doesn’t scare people anymore. The rabbi was against that. The rabbi had to fight with the town to suggest to keep Menachem away from Minyin. The rabbi said that was not an act of antisemitism. It's just that the rabbi is scared of having to see congregants.
After much discussion and protest, Jews are now allowed at the water park with sweatshirts.

It is the worst amusement park. When you name the amusement park after your own city, that people are trying to get out of. People try to get out of Topeka to enjoy themselves. And now they're going to the Topeka Amusement Park. 

The renovations committee decided on the water slide in the sanctuary, to draw more people. The idea of a new Torah was nixed, due to the lack of draw.
The idea is to now have services at the Drinking Pit. I personally think we need kids around, to get the guys out of the Drinking Pit and back to shul for Davening. One positive aspect of kids is that they can't drink in shul, unless if Rob is there. Rob is the schnapps man to the children. The candyman job was already taken. Rob wanted to do something for the youth.

I shouldn’t have said I would use shul money and do non-profit renovations to my house if I was on the board, last week. That was a mistake. The IRS is now auditing me.

It turns out that I never hear about the programs when they're happening. They're always showing up in the announcements after they're done.
It must be one of those new shul safety things where you announce the program afterwards, so the anti-Semites don't find out. Though, I still think Menachem should warn people before taking off his shirt. It's disgusting. I would understand antisemitism if that was the reason.