Sermons of Rebuke V: Bo

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
Yeshiva Week trips are encouraged. If you missed your trip, please take other trips. The rabbi would like you to travel. He said, “Your travel and you not being at shul is a good thing. My congregants’ vacations are important for my relaxation.”
 
The Youth Shabbaton will take place this weekend. We ask that you not talk to the kids. We don’t want them to turn out to be bad Jews.
They will be staying at your homes. Please clean more than you do for Pesach. We ask you fold your linen, and not just spray it down with oven cleaner. Oven cleaner is not good on our children's skin.
 
We're hoping that with the snowstorm, members won’t show. The shul parking lot will be closed this Shabbat, as the rabbi is worried the nonShomer Shabbis people will still come. The rabbi said it’s your fault for sticking around and not leaving for Yeshiva Week.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Leave for Yeshiva Week- A Class on Chesed and Us Not Having to See You for a Week. How to Turn Youth off to Yidishkeit- With Our Members. Snowstorms in Topeka and How Jews Decided to Not Be Shomer Shabbis When It Reached Zero Fahrenheit- A History of the Heathens in Our Shul.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Shemot 12:8) “They must eat the meat on that night. Roasted over fire, and matzah, with bitter herbs shall they eat it...” You have to eat it all. That night. No leftovers... They didn’t have refrigeration, Pinchas.... Of course, roasted. It tastes better. If you make it right. Not like Freida’s choolante, you will finish it.

(Shemot 12:2) “This month for you shall be the beginning of months. This month (Nissan) shall be for you the first of the months of the year.”
All the sudden it changes from Tishrei. Very similar to the board's decisions which change very often. The difference here is that a committee didn't make the decision. Hence, it's the right decision... You want another Yom Kippur?! You guys complain every High Holiday and now he wants another...
This is the new year of months. Where you count months from. We now count from Nissan. A new start as a nation. We have to celebrate this. Now it is the time for renewal... Chadash. Chodesh. New. Renewal. If you understood Hebrew, you could also give a Drasha. But you know very little, so I have to talk...

Rashi teaches the years are now from Tishrei with Rosh Hashana. But we count the months from Pesach... Well, that's how renewal works, Bernie.
How about renewing my contract. A raise...

Sforno teaches that the word Lachem "for you" is repeated twice in the verse to highlight a new relationship between Jews and time.  As slaves, our time belonged to our masters. But now, as free people, we're masters of our time, and the only Master is now Gd... And when our board is masters of time, I have to waste two hours at a meeting.
I repeat stuff because you don't listen. Moshe had a better congregation. They listened... If Pinny and Bernie were there, Moshe would've never had the chance to make his point, and they wouldn't have been able to leave in haste... Ethel and Max with their walkers would've slowed it all down too...
When you ask me annoying questions. When I have to eat your food. I don't feel like I'm a master. Nobody would serve their master a Kugel like Freida...
When there is snow, you're still masters. You just don't realize it. You're free to freeze yourself...
And that is what the Chodesh. The master of months represents. You making decisions that it's too cold to come to shul.
And this is the beginning of them... Nissan. Do you people listen?! Maybe be the master of you listening and learning something. Maybe be the master of renewing your watch to standard time. It's winter for...

Let us renew now. Start now... Because until now, you’ve all messed up. You’ve cooked your meat. Who cooks meat? People that don't do Yeshiva Week.
BBQs have to come back to our nation... Roast it. Maybe if you roasted your food and Kashered the meat as you cooked it, I would eat by you...
Freida. You have to add something else too. Maybe taste... Bitter herbs a good thing to renew... The Hadassah Cookbook is not helping you. You should be looking to the Parsha for cooking advice...
You don’t cook with marmite on Rosh Chodesh. It’s a Busha. On Rosh Chodesh, we celebrate the renewal of decent cooking...

Why did so few of you leave for Yeshiva week? You all go down to Florida anyways. Why not this week?... What is Yeshiva Week. Well, I guess that's a good place to start. It's a week to get the children to love Yeshiva again...
The kids love Yeshiva Week. Because there is no Yeshiva.
Renewal. Renewal is not having to see you. Renewal is not having to see the kids of our congregation. Renewal is something good. It's a form of Chesed...
Chesed is us not having to see you. It allows for a new beginning. A hope that you might come back from Florida less annoying. A hope that I might not have to explain everything to you people. Like how to cook like a Jew... Second cut of brisket!!!

You guys are a congregation of no hope. But we have youth. We have hope. There is a chance. A future of not you. In a way, renewal. Like a new month of no Bernie... Until they reach fifteen, we have a chance with them... Fifteen-year-olds are annoying...
It’s a Youth Group Shabbaton. You’re not allowed to go. Not Ethel. Not Bernie. Not Pinchas. Not Fran... Do you think there are any Ethels and Frans in kindergarten?!
After fifteen renewal is done... There is not hope. We see it with our kids...
And they're slaves to Minecraft. The Craft makes their decisions. They don't anymore...
It's called a Youth Group so they don't have to interact with the older people of our congregation, who are heretics... You're going to educate them? You don't even know when Nissan is. You thought is was Nassau...

I will give credit to those who renewed their commitment to Yidishkeit by coming to shul. Kol Hakavod for coming out when the weather is not freezing...
Of course I wanted people to come. I told the board I don't like when people come. But I do want it. I want you guys to be here for shul... Well, how else are we going to have a Minyin?!...
So, you all drove. Great. A bunch of heretics. Kids. This is what nonShomer Shabbat people look like. They're fine getting to shul in their car in the cold. And they're happy. And their clothes are clean...
It's cold. Who cares. Have people gotten that much weaker. Slaves to your lack of hitting the gym... I respect these kids who came and didn't listen to their parents. They walked to shul. And now there's a cough going around the shul...

The point is, you should still go away for Yeshiva Week. To not be here... Here are places that are not here. You can go to St. Louis. Israel. Venezuela. Iran...
The mall doesn't count. Only if the mall is in a different city. Very good question. The idea is to not be here. For you to not be here... You can drive to Venezuela. But during the week. Not on Shabbis. Like Edith... I'm assuming the eighty-seven-year-old did not walk in two-feet of snow...

(Shemot 12:14) "This day (the fifteenth of Nissan) will become a day of remembrance for you...” You remember stuff like this. Leavening Egypt. You remember that. Bernice. You're still talking about your grandson's graduation...
A day of remembrance. I remember when Michael ran in front of the BIma and tripped. I remember Ruchel’s dumb idea. Many of them. I remember Mark and his renovation of the door that still doesn’t work... It doesn't work. If you need two hands on the handle and a foot braced against the wall to open the door...
I remember Yeshiva Week. A blessing.
The youth. The hope. We remember them. We remember the 1980s, when we had hope for kids with mullets. '80s mullets. When mullets were innocent... Mullets are better than Sarah biting. The girl is crazy...

You celebrate certain things. You remember them. I celebrated when the Pintzkovitz family left for Yeshiva Week. I celebrated... How? I relaxed for a week without having to deal with them...
The point is. You renew by remembering... LChadesh means to make it as it was. Better than our shul. Before people on boards made decisions.
Remembering gives me hope. A time before I started working here.
We have to remember good stuff. Remember a good chuck roast... This isn't a eulogy for chuck roast. It's hope...

And how do we remember?! Remember it by guarding it. (Shemot 12:17) "... and you shall guard this day as an everlasting statute." Remember the roast. Guard it. Guard it like your grandmother did. For the guests...
Remember leaving Mitzrayim... Why??? “For on this very day I will have brought your hosts out of Egypt.” Again. I have to remind you of everything. Do you not realize we left Mitzrayim? Every week. Every day. I have to remind you... That's why the Siddur brings it up all the time, every day. Because you guys can't remember a thing...
Remember how things you used to be cooked. LChadesh like your grandmother did it.
It's a Chok. A statute. Because you guys can't remember anything decent. You don't even remember my brilliance last week. The most amazing sermon... 

We guard these things. These beginnings... Because you guys never finish anything.
Something to celebrate. At least you start stuff.

Let us remember freedom. Celebrate freedom. Guard freedom. And please. Go on vacation for freedom...

What's the difference between years and months? Years are longer... I can't remember. 
And it's great to have the youth here.

Rivka's Rundown
I think the years and months thing wasn't what the rabbi was giving the sermon about, in the end. I think half way through it turned into something about our congregation having dementia.

Mark thinks that door that can't move is better for security. If nobody can get in, I guess that's a secure thing.
You have to pull with two hands. Push against the wall with your foot. And then you have to ask somebody to help. That's how you get into the shul. Oh. And then there's a code.

With the whole renewal message, the rabbi also suggested to renew the board. He decided this is a good time for new people. A new start, with people in our shul that are not the congregants. To renew his contract with different people.

The rabbi suggested Freida stop cooking and start roasting more.
The rabbi actually gave private Parsha cooking classes. He suggested people use more herbs and spits. Full animals on spits and thyme. A lot of thyme and Kugel. Based on the lesson, from what I understand, Moshe Rabbeinu liked Yapchik.

When somebody says, "I'll eat over for a BBQ," you know what they're saying. They don't trust your Kashrut. And that's even if you keep Kosher.

Yeshiva Week is the rabbi’s favorite week. It’s a week where no kids are in Yeshiva or shul. Except if you have a youth Shabbaton weekend.
The fact they had the youth Shabbat messed up the Yeshiva Week idea for the rabbi. It's like we turned into the vacation spot. People were thinking, "Where is the place nobody goes to?! The least desirous destination."
And now the rabbi is hoping people will leave. Take a Second Yeshiva Week. I think he proposed a two-week Yeshiva week. Like a Yom Tov Sheini Shel Galuyot kind of thing, where one day turns into two. Here, one week turns into another week of not having to see congregants.

The rabbi went off on places for people to visit for Yeshiva Week. The idea was anywhere that is not Topeka.
The rabbi gave Bernie a list of places he can move to. He called it "places for a long vacation." The rabbi hopes that sold Bernie on the idea of not having to see him.

They cry about the weather. If they have to wear a jacket, it's a crisis. Can't go to shul, might feel a draft.
You know the ones that showed aren't Shomer Shabbis. They put on their coats for the half block they have to walk. Edith walked into shul with a windbreaker in subzero weather. I think everybody assumed she didn't make the two and a half mile walk in two feet of snow. Though, she is in good shape for eighty-seven. And she can make it far with her walker.

The youth being around our congregation is not a good idea. I don't think it's helping anybody's future. Seeing our elders is what I would call a "bad example." These kids see the older people in our shul and start saying, "If that's what shul does to you, I don't think it's a good idea to be here." "Maybe Gd doesn't answer all prayers." "If getting a decent Kichel at Kiddish is my goal, I think I've given up."
Here's what happened at the Shabbaton. The youth came. They showed up to shul. The boys looked at the girls. The boys thought the girls were cute. The boys talked to boys. They left.

But the kids are still good kids. That is why these people keep giving birth. They hope a normal one will pop out. One that can see Gd. One that cares. One that will make the Jewish people happey. They’re thinking the Meshiach is coming from this congregation.