Sermons of Rebuke V: Bereishit

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
No more playing in shul. It turns out that fun is very dangerous. Due to fun, Sara ended up in the hospital. We will thus be banning the Bouncy Bima for two weeks.
 
It’s the beginning of the year. Bereishit. The first Parsha. Please don’t kill it for the congregation again. Do not do what you did last year. Be a different you for the rest of the shul. Just don’t be you.

Simchat Torah was dedicated to the living hostages coming home. It was also dedicated to the soldiers and all of the victims of the terror attacks since October Seventh.
 
Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Get Injured at Junior Congregation- A Psychological Study of Children of Our Congregants at Play. How to Not Be You- The Art of Making Other People Happy. Simchat Torah and How Our Dancing Embarrassed a Nation. How to Forget Something Very Important and Then To Dedicate It The Next Week Because Your Board Got A Lot of Complaints.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
Bereishit is about the beginning. In the beginning Gd did not create you. It was the Garden of Eden. Things were good... If He would've seen our membership right away, He would've destroyed the world before Noach. It's good we came around six thousand years later.

It’s the first Parsha. Everything you did last year was wrong. It’s time for resolutions. Resolutions of you not to mess up again... You’ll be able to apologize for the new resolutions that you mess up, again this year, when the High Holidays come around next year. In the meantime, I pray that at least the Baal Koreh reads Bereishit right... You messed it up last year. The way you read it, I was starting to think that octopus was created on the third day. It was like you were reading "and the serpent was good"... Well, that's how your reading sounded...
Nobody wants to hear about your vegetable patch in your backyard, Fran. Gd didn’t care for Kayns...

Let’s talk about kids. Wild brothers. Kayn and Hevel. Now everybody listens. This speaks to you. You see the kids in our shul... Hundreds, mid-thirties, kindergarten. It was all the same back then...
Kayn kills Hevel. I wouldn’t be surprised if something goes down at youth groups. Paper football is the cause of much violence... We're talking about Cain and Abel. But we're Jews, so we pronounce their names correctly. Menachem.
(Bereishit 4:10) Gd asks Kayn, “What have you done?” Kayn throws off responsibility like any member of Congregation Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah. Plays dumb. "Oh. I don't know what happened to the ice machine"... Then who threw it out?! No fessers. Nobody fessses up... Like he didn't do it. 
Kayn then throws this line, (Bereishit 4:9) “Am I my brother’s watcher?!” Of course, this is after he killed him... Guarder is more correct than "keeper." I know "keeper" sounds cooler. But you are not cool. Watch you brother... You're not coole enough to not care. Nobody here cares about anybody else. Care about saving life at least. Can't even do guard duty at the front of the shul correctly... You let in Pinchas. He's annoying. What have you done? Ruining Shacharit for everybody... I thought we all knew Moishie walks real loud, getting in his steps in the back of the shul. Keep him out.

We all have the responsibility to be decent to people. We can't disregard our responsibilities in this Olam. In this world, you're supposed to keep a Mitzvot, and a tidy home... There is a chance for Teshuva. Even if you work shul security and bring your kids to shul to run around the Bima.
Kayn threw off the responsibility of guarding his brother. And Rashi teaches, when H’ asks “Where is your brother” it's in this soft tone to give Kayn a chance to do Teshuva. And he throws off that responsibility to repent too. At that point, what do you do? In our community, you don't invite him over for Friday night dinner. And that is rude...
We have the responsibility to guard our community. To watch over it. To care for each other. And you all throw that off. Not very far. None of you have a decent arm. We saw that last summer, on the shul softball team. Couldn't even throw to home plate from the infield...
What have you done? Like Kayn. You messed up the shul. I ask "what have you done" at every board meeting...

He is cursed after he doesn’t take the blame. Again. We speak of responsibility. Take responsibility. For your kids especially. They’re crazy... Fran. You care more about the vegetable patch than your grandkids...
"Am I the guarder of my children?" Yes. "Am I the watcher of my children?" Yes. "Am I watching too many series on Max?" Yes.

It is now time to do Teshuva.
We ask parents to watch their kids. A big ask. That won’t happen.
Maybe a New Year’s Resolution... OK. A Bereishit Resolution to watch your kids. At least watch that they don't bother everybody else... Yes. They bother people. Your cute little kids? Nobody likes them...
If it’s not a Bouncy Bima, why are they doing floor routines on it?!
Simchat Torah cannot happen again. No more fun in shul. This Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefillah Playhouse Funhouse is chasing away members and families... When kids aren't having fun because other kids are having fun...
The kids are crazy. I saw tumbling in shul, a kid running across the Bima and the stage in front of the Aron, yelling out during announcements. And then I saw a commando crawl in front of the Aron. And that was one kid… It was your kid. He was yelling, "What's up, Doc?" Where does it say that in the Torah. No. Show me. Where does it say that in the Siddur. I want to know. Kayn didn't even say that... During announcements, the same kid re-apologized for the shul president and yelled, “He said he apologizes!!!” Between us, still people hate the president, and I can't stand him. 
Then your child stood on the chair and repeated, "He said he apologizes!!!" Be a dad…. How did you not see that. The whole shul saw it. You should apologize to the shul.
Where are the parents!!!

There's more. I saw a kid bouncing a ball during Layning. Other kids were throwing a ball during Ein Keylokeynu. I saw them playing over the Mechitzah, like it was a game of Newcomb. I saw three girls picking up their skirts. But I did not see that. Want to make that clear…
The girl with the pink checkered jacket with matching purse was cute. Cutest thing we ever saw. Which is why kids are allowed in shul.
I saw kids tumbling the aisle. Cartwheels. Followed by a somersault. I saw a kid running the back aisle. Doing laps… Probably gets it from Samantha who gets her steps in during Davening.
Wait. Kids were yelling…. Crazy thing. They were all in shul. How? I do not know. 
Where are the parents!!!

No Teshuva. No ownership.
This is why we read Kohelet last Shabbat. Because this is what happens when there is... Why is this child up on here right now?! Where are the parents!!! You lose a sense of life and our duties and everything is Hevel, vanity, or kids going crazy... 
Other people cannot whack your child. So we will have a police force to sign off on our public servants enacting the law. They will parent for you… Like a Kibbutz. The great thing about Kibbutzes is that everybody parents your child. So it's legal to tell your child to shut up... Potching is allowed.
We want to thank our police force for keeping kids quiet during Adon Olam. All parents have to sign that they can lock up your children if you want to bring them to shul. The document reads, "If my child's parent is incapable of shutting up my child during the Torah reading, my child will be sentenced to elementary school in prison."
They got a child police person. Need these kids fearing lock up for them to behave. They now call the junior congregation service “the yard,” because it’s violent. One kid, a third grader got his head bashed by a Tonka, due to fun.
Got to stop fun. Fun is dangerous.
Where are the parents!!!
Whenever there is fun, we must ask, "Where is your brother?"

And your kids overreacted on Simchat Torah... It’s your fault they couldn’t handle the three pounds of candy in a responsible way...
The dancing was for our people. Commemorating our nation. Our living nation. It was a resolution to live for our people. Still have no idea what Merv's dancing was about...

First we must take ownership.
Bereishit resolution... Yes. Another resolution. Rosh Hashana resolutions, you already messed up. Three weeks and you're already eating chocolate.
The resolution this congregation needs is to change everything. Your kids... Not to adopt new ones. Just change your kids... And change the toddlers too. At least clean them. Disgusting little things.
A resolution to not talk about your tomato patch.

H' wants Teshuva... Yes, I'm talking in a soft voice. That's how you get people to do Teshuva...

Teshuva cannot exist with justification... No justification for your children.
This passive justification leads to Kayn becoming a "wanderer on earth" (Bereishit 4:12). When you shun responsibility. When you damage. When you don't fess up. You are a wanderer. Kind of like your kids who wander the halls and destroy the shul.
Without ownership, our deeds remain wrong. You end up with a shul board. Let us take ownership so we don't become wanderers. Pay your dues.

Fess. We need more fessing. Where is the Yad for the Torah? Who took it? Fess up.

Rivka's Rundown
People ran to Kiddish after the sermon. They thought the rabbi was saying to Fress.
The congregation agrees. Hearing about Fran's vegetable patch is getting annoying.

I am beginning to think our shul has a lot of board meetings. And it seems like they're doing nothing there, other than throwing away important stuff in the shul and not fessing.
And it’s this lack of fessing that leads to softball team where everybody thinks they’re good. Boy, is that annoying. When they think they’re good and for some reason nobody can catch a ball.

The rabbi dealt a lot with brothers. vZot HaBracha he talks of Zevulun and Yissachar. Here he speaks of brothers that don't get along. Our congregants like the Cain and Abel relationship more. To quote, "I see my kids, and I like to think they're kind of like those two."
Why they couldn’t do two bulletins, one for vZot HaBracha and one for Bereishit. I think it's wrong. VZot HaBracha never gets its own thing. Just because it wasn't on Shabbis doesn't mean it's not a Parsha. VZot HaBracha deserves more credit. That’s all I’m saying. Maybe the shul should give it a little more of a shoutout in the announcements.
Anyways, I hope the sermon got parents to accept that they suck.

Nothing about Israel for Simchat Torah was mentioned. No announcement last week. That is usually how our office works. The announcements go, "We missed the Simcha last week. Wish the Grossmans a Mazel Tov on their daughter's Bat Mitzvah. We hope people showed up. We also missed the Israeli Parade of Support. But we support it now. Walk around the block for Israel if you can."

Did the rabbi ban Simchat Torah next year because of little Brenda and Barry pulling hair during Adon Olam?
I don't know how Kayn messed up the shul. I think that was part of his message. I know the kids destroyed the hallways.

The rabbi was hoping Bereishit would help make things good. A new start. But as he said, "There are still congregants."

"No justification for your children." That hurt.
Crazy kids in the shul. They are whacky. No question about that.
The rabbi used safety and security to get everybody to agree that fun has to stop. You say safety and security nowadays, the shul has to do what you said.
We have security in junior congregation. It turns out that when there's security, the kids focus better during the Chidon HaTorah quiz. We also implemented the cop presence at playgroups. Which has led to less biting and more sharing of the huge non-eatable LEGO bricks.
The rabbi proposed somebody watch the parents. The security watched the parents. It turns out, the parents don’t watch the kids. The security team reported back that they watched the parents not watching the kids.

I've never seen so many parents in support of their kids going to the state penitentiary. Everybody cheered for the police force. A bunch of left-wingers who are against locking people up, unless if their kids who make noise in shul.
But they're still worried about their kids eating candy.

I don't know if the locking up of children who talk during Torah reading is enforceable. Even so, the bylaws were written into shul policy, and police have thrown some of the children and parents out of shul.
We have brought it to city council and city court. They are still discussing whether biting in playgroups and jumping on the Bima during Adon Olam are criminal offenses.

And then there was a Bar Mitzvah on Shabbat Bereishit. The amount of candy is crazy. Now the kids got more candy. 
These parents don't want their kids eating the candy, yet the kids are loading up bags. I have a feeling these parents are using it for Halloween. Parents are stashing the candy, saving money on the Laffy Taffy. Then they give it out on Halloween. That's why Simchat Torah gets so many people showing up. Save on the Walmart trip. 
The Bar Mitzvah wasn't mentioned in the announcements. They might announce it for Parshat Noach. "You missed the Bar Mitzvah last week. If you want more candy, show up to the Lefkowitz home for Halloween. They will have Kosher candy." 
 
It's hard giving a Drasha in a Frum shul. The rabbi can’t even say the words of the prayers. “Keylokeynu.” I started picking up that when the rabbi uses a lot of Ks, he’s referencing Gd. You see how Frum I am. When I reference Gd, out of respect, I don’t write Gd.