Sermons of Rebuke V: Balak

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
This Sunday is the 17th of Tamuz. On this day, Moshe broke the tablets, the Jews had to stop the daily sacrifice in the Temple, Apostomos burned a Torah, an idol was placed in the Temple, and the walls of Jerusalem were breached in 69CE. Please don’t cause any other tragedies for our people. We understand you’re members of our shul and the reason people hate Jews.
 
We ask Nachum uses suntan lotion. It’s painful to have to see him all sunburned. We ask he speaks to his dermatologist before boating.
 
The Simchovitz Zayde’s Yahrzeit is this week. He was a good man. He did a lot of good for the community. His children haven’t even donated a Kiddish.
 
Contemporary Halacha Class: The Reality of Connecting to Our People's Sorrows By Spending Time with Our Congregants. How to Put Your Life at Risk on a Boat By Being Pale- Like Nachum. How to Get Every Older Woman in Shul to Worry About You- Like Nachum. How to Connect to Your Ashkenazi Roots- Like Nachum. How to Get Everybody to Hate You and Cause More Exile By Not Sponsoring Kiddish.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
They truly do hate us even when we are good... I am not referring to our congregants. I am referring to our people. There's reason to not like the board as well...
Like the donkey who says to Bilam (Bamidbar 22:28-30) “Why did you strike me... Have I not been your donkey forever? Have I ever acted like this?” They blame us for stuff. Have we ever been accustomed to violence? Have we ever... Other than trying to get a good deal, what has our people done? That and the membership of our shul...
At that point, shocked that his donkey would have the Chutzpah to talk to him like that, Bilam backs down. Sometimes, we have to questions ourselves. Our decisions. We have to not blame others. We have to take blame for our children... Sending them away is a way to deal with it as well. The children are not here right now, and that's what matters. Let's focus on that Bracha...

Bilam shouldn’t have gone to curse the Jews, as Balak wanted. But Bilam’s ego got in the way. The same way the Michel's ego got in the way when he pushed Bernie over to pull out the Torah himself... You weren't even called up. You ran up to the Aron and pulled it out. You also got an Aliyah that you weren't called up for that day. You were possessed. If you would've just been decent at ping pong, your ego would've been satiated. Bernie would've taken out the Torah... And yes. We do now have a ping pong committee... It wasn't your Aliyah. Your Michel Avraham Ben Simcha HaKohen. It was the fourth Aliyah...

Bilam is now with Balak and he goes off to hear from H’. Balak wants Bilam to curse the Jews. Balak was diplomatic. Political leaders can't do that themselves. They have to find other people to do it for them. Which is how we have the EU. He tells Balak that he can only say what Gd tells him. This is how you get out of trouble. You say "H' made me say it." Do you know how many times I got smacked for cursing out my teachers as a child, and then blaming it on H'? I believe you have to be older to be inspired by H'. You can tell somebody they're ugly "because Gd says so," once you're in your fifties. 
(Bamidbar 23:5) "H’ puts words in Bilam’s mouth and He says, 'Return to Balak, and thus shall you speak.'" "Thus" is not my words. Did H' speak ancient English? I do not know. 
The words are not revealed until Bilam is in front of Balak again. For some reason Bilam couldn't be trusted. The same way you can't trust the board. 

(Bamidbar23:7-12) Beautiful words of blessing and solidarity come out of Bilam’s mouth. Balak doesn’t like it. But he is speaking words of Gd. Many people don't like the word of Gd. It kills their day.
Bilam is possessed by money here. Money and fame. His ego gets in the way of our following H'... If the board would've let H' speak, He would've said, "Give the rabbi a raise. Let him vacation. Let him enjoy not seeing you"... They would've heard H' say, "These people are idiots."

When we are not influenced by our ego, pure words come out. Blessing. Words that I have not heard spoken at Kiddish. "That was a good Kugel"... I have never heard anybody say that, because not one of our members can make a decent Kugel.
Not one meeting for the renovations of the shul has had H’ involved... You chose a water slide over a Torah... It’s not about being the popular shul. It's about H' and listening to what He is saying... H' didn't say to have a Bouncie Bima. He didn't say to have the Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah Lazy River... Thank Gd we got rid of it. It took a half hour to get from the Bima to the ark after Torah reading...

When Bilam is looking over the Jewish camp, you think he’s thinking "they’re cool." "Those are the people I want to hang with. Davening Mincha. A bunch of with it people. I want to sit at their table. They even have that Matzah stuff"... That's how they used to talk. "With it" is how you say a ninety-year-old still has a personality... You have a low standard of awakeness. Like Bernie is awake for a couple minutes of Davening. He's old. So, he's with it. If he was thirty, we would be calling the paramedics... Truth is Michel saved us. Why is Bernie taking out the Torah. He might fall asleep when opening the ark...
Thank Gd Bilam didn't see Camp Menashe Himmel in the Catskills. He would've said, "The Jewish people are bad athletes."

When you are pure and don't have the ego in the way, you don't blame. You praise. Purity of thought. No congregants...
Our congregants have the reputation. We can judge them. They cause tragedy. Curse. Not Bracha... I don’t know if it’s ego. Maybe it’s just stupidity. Lack of hearing H’...
It's the ego. That's how you make your dumb decisions... It's because you don't listen to me...

What happened in the WNBA this week? Tragedy. Caitlin Clark got hit again... It might have been because our congregants are fans... Turns into a curse for Caitlin. The shul trip to watch her play in Chicago is going to be painful...
The renovations committee. A total tragedy. Our shul was destroyed. Didn't even need Bilam... It was not listening to H'. Making ego decisions like a bigger Aron. How big of a Torah do you plan to get, that you need a twenty-five-foot-high ark?! Our congregants can't even lift the one-and-a-half-foot Torah...

Nachum. You’re just not good looking. Always wear something on you... The burns all over you. Ouch. It hurts having to see you... Gardening? Were you gardening on a stove?
My pure thoughts say Nachum doesn’t think... If you thought, you would've worn a hat... The big red thing on the top of your head... If you gardened without an ego, you woud've heard H' saying, "There is sun right now. It's the middle of the summer"...
Point is that Bilam would've even worn a hat... He wouldn't have joined our people for Matzah. This isn't jail. Benjy thinks this is the whole joining Kosher because you're in jail thing...

Your Zayde was a good man Mr. Simchovitz. You guys. That’s a different story... It was a different time. Jews were good people back then. They were kind. They listened to H'. They listened to their rabbi... It's ego to not sponsor Kiddish. H' would've said, "Serve an excellent Kugel that people will like. Something not made by the Sisterhood."

Good people who used to have purity. Before social media. A time when Lashon Hara was pure. When people meant it. That's what Balak wanted from Bilam.
If we put our egos down and let H’s words come out, it is words of blessing... Yes. Torah. Pinchas. And holiness. What else would it be. Lord of the Rings?! Are those H’s words???!... Lord of the rings is not the one to listen to. It's not Gd.

Of course, Bilam gets out a bit of a curse later on. You can always find a way to curse the Jews. Anti-Semites have an uncanny ability... Even when we’re not talking about our membership at Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, an anti-Semite will find it. I feel like cursing somebody. Right now, looking out at the shul. Even right before Yud Zayin Tamuz....

Rivka's Rundown
I think the rabbi just used the whole Bilam story to let the congregants know how much he can't stand them, by saying what he says is what Gd wants. If I'm not mistaken, H' wants us to give the rabbi a raise and to let him go on vacation. He also wants Samantha to stop chewing gum in shul, and for Max to stop coughing. And for Bernie to not talk. H' also wants to get rid of the board. He wants no committees too.

So many bad decisions have been made in the congregation due to ego.
Nobody looks at our shul and thinks we're cool. We will never get people coming here to be part of the popular crowd. We are dependent on spirituality for membership. That's how big of losers we are. The rabbi even taught people how to close their eyes to look more penitent in shul, and shut up.

If Bilam would've seen our congregation and the camp our kids go to, he would've been cursing. If he got charged how much we have to pay for camp nowadays, he would've been cursing. And H' would've supported it.

Benjy is still living with a jail mentality. Just got out for the fifth time. I don't know why we let him in the shul. He just got locked up again for grand larceny. And the rabbi gives him the code. They even voted him as the Gabai for next year. That's how much nobody wants to be Gabai. Why Benjy doesn't steal smaller items, I don't get it. But the rabbi trusts him with the Torah.

Michel is truly bad at ping pong. Once his ego got hit, he got possessed. He ran with the Torah. They thought he was stealing it. He was just running with it because his ego got shot in ping pong. Hence, he didn't listen to H' and he got tackled by Benjy. Benjy won't let anybody else steal anything.
One bad decision and that's it. Ego gets in the way, you knock over a ninety-year-old, and you lose your job managing a nursing home.

There is a ping pong committee. It started as a club. But it was in shul so the board voted and said they had to call it a committee. You have to have a committee for everything in our shul now. The napkins committee voted on cheaper napkins. Now we have those wax style napkins at Kiddish and people are just rubbing the food from one side of their face to the other.
What has the ping pong committee done? They've played ping pong. Have they discussed ping pong? As a committee they have to host a requisite two hour meeting every month, where they discuss playing ping pong.
The committees are more of a discussion group. They're book clubs for people who don't read. By the way, in shul, we have a book committee who changes over the Siddurs when the holidays come around. 

Thank Gd we got rid of the water park idea. They brought in a slip and slide to the sanctuary and used that as the lazy river around to test out the concept. 
The water park and bouncy shul idea did draw people. None of them were Jewish. B"H, we didn't take entrance on Shabbat. So, nobody was wearing a bathing suit in the sanctuary. Even the Simchovitz family, those heretics who can't get us a Kiddish. would've been offended by bathing suits. Mark did suggest that bathing suits should be allowed in the sanctuary, as they are suits.
Point the rabbi was making is it's not just about drawing people. It's about what H' wants. Based on the feedback and support of the young families with kids we're trying to draw, H' does seem to want a bouncy themed temple.

The rabbi sees having to deal with congregants as a tragedy. They ask him when a Bris should be, that’s a tragedy. What time Davening is, it's a tragedy. I think he is extremely frustrated with us. I think any member of our shul is a tragedy. A reason to hate Jews.
I think I understand the rabbi. The renovations committee is messed up. They are the reason the Beit Hamikdash was destroyed. It was their decisions.

Nachum was gardening this week. He should hibernate during the summer. The guy burns when he walks to shul.

We need more Zaydes in the congregation, to tell the parents they’re doing stuff wrong.
The Simchovitz have given nothing to the shul. Other than joining the renovations committee and insisting that they be on the demolition sub-committee. Why we need a sub-committee to decide a second time to destroy the place makes no sense. They just better not destroy the bouncy house. The bouncy house is what draws people to shul.
Even there, on the renovations sub-committee, they destroy what their dad built. 

I have never seen the rabbi as passionate about a class, as he was when he gave the Shiur for the Three Weeks, Bein HaMetzarim, on The Reality of Connecting to Our People's Sorrows By Spending Time with Our Congregants.