Announcements
Please be nice to the kids visiting for the summer song choir program. You may not want to invite them for Shabbat lunch, as they will want to sing Zemirot. Nonetheless, smile at them. They're not used to seeing angry older people. They have hope. For shul renovations we’re asking congregants to go to other shuls. Do not say the whole Monday or Thursday Tachnun. You will rightfully be hated by the congregation.The rabbi has stated that skipping prayers is fine, especially if you’re the Chazin. As long as you don’t slow down the congregation you won’t be hated. We are asking people to come together and protest the Gabai. Contemporary Halacha Classes: The Three Weeks of Mourning and How Our Congregants Caused It. How to Do Renovations to Draw Members to Your Shul By Telling Them To Go To Other Shuls. How to Lead Davening Like Yankel and Make People Late To Work. Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts Shabbat Shalom My Pupils... Yes. After a plague there’s a new census... We should’ve done a census after the wet Kugel Kiddish affliction... It was disgusting... (Bamidbar 26:54) ‘For the numerous one increase his inheritance, and for the fewer one you shall lessen...’ Than have more kids. Rashi teaches the amount of land was divided according to the numbers. The places were divided through Ruach HaKodesh... It doesn’t take divine inspiration to count members of a tribe. The way Moishie does his math. The worst third grader I’ve ever seen. Can’t even lineup Popsicle sticks right. It would be divine intervention for that kid to add ice pop holders... Why more for the greater numbers? Sometimes, people need space... I sit up here, on the Bima, because I am trying to get away from the congregants... It’s about fairness sometimes... I don't know what that means. But it's about it. Fairness. When you’re part of a community, there is fairness... Tzelafchad’s daughters stated (Bamidbar 27:3) ‘Our father died in the wilderness (was not part of Korach’s crew), and he had no sons. Why should the name of our father be omitted from within his family, because he has no sons? Give us an inheritance among our father’s brothers.’ We all know that sons are not always a blessing. Look at the Lefkowitz sons. Sitting in the back left of the shul... I don't know Tzelafchad very well... And this is how women got the vote. This is how women served in the army. And this is why the sisterhood refuses to help with Kiddish... Then why do we have a sisterhood?... You take up space. You should do something. Fairness. We must separate correctly. We must be just in how we divide what we do in this congregation. That is how we unify. Space. Not sitting next to Bernie... We have a responsibility to each other. Like the daughters of Tzelafchad brought to our attention. We all deserve our spot in the community... Not if you're annoying. The responsibilities of the congregants... You have a responsibility to smile. To at least not depress everybody. You need somebody to tell you to smile at people... They’re kids at a singing camp. They’re not used to seeing angry Jews... or Jews that go to shul. Count the angry people here. Each angry person is less numerous a member... That was Biblical English. Translated. You chase away members. You make people not want a portion in this shul... Because you're angry. Tzelafchad’s daughters deserve a place to live... They didn't mess up the land with their renovations like Malkie... Renovating the membership was my idea. I did not suggest to renovate the whole place and kick people out... That’s how you lose members. We don't even need renovations to chase away members. They just have to meet the board... A lot of anger. When they partitioned the land, it was a beautiful moment. People were happy they had a piece of Israel. Nobody is happy in this shul because nobody smiles and Davening takes so long. Nobody says the full Monday and Thursday Tachnun, except you. I've timed it... It’s fine. Skipping Tachnun is fine. You would get no land. Nobody would want to listen to you. You even said the full Brich Shemey... You skip to Bei Ana Rachitz. Everybody skips to Bei Ana Rachitz... You get to the song. Nobody understands the Tefillah anyways, Baruch... Will anybody take Pinchas’ place and hurt the Gabai... If there was more space. If I didn't have to see the congregants... At this point, I want to thank the board for kicking everybody out of the shul for renovations. Sometimes it's about more than numbers. I'm trying to make a point. Any daughters of Tzelafchad willing to help out here... Rivka's Rundown The rabbi is truly trying to get away from us. He even moved the Chazin's seat down to the general men's section. Put the Chazin and the president right next to Bernie. Now they have huge tall back chairs with gigantic armrests on each side of Bernie. It looks off. Though, the rabbi is happy he has space, and he doesn't need to be near anybody. They haven’t smiled at a guest in years. The rabbi is right. People run from these depressed people in our shul. I appreciated the rabbi letting the congregants know not to ruin the hope of Jewish children with meeting our congregants. You don't want to see Bernie smile. He's been smoking cigars for eighty years. I didn’t invite the choir kids for Shabbis. I can’t stand extended Zemirot with harmony. What was that shul renovation announcement? Are they truly looking to renovate the membership? Nothing was said about an amount of time. It seemed to just be an announcement to not see congregants ever. The idea of asking congregants to go to other shuls didn’t pan out well. The board was trying to figure out why we lost so many members. They scaled back the renovations from last week to just be scrolls. Some board members suggested they still renovate the rabbi. One guy leading services once said the whole Thursday extended Tachnun. He got booed. You skip certain Tefillahs. Everybody who goes to shul knows that. Only people who don't pray say the whole thing. Tefillahs you skip: The long Tachnun That Rosh Chodesh thing after Shir Shel Yom VYiten LCha Anything on Yom Kippur other than the Amidah Brich Shemey Wednesday Shir Shel Yom People can’t stand the Gabai. I don't know what he did to deserve a protest against him. He might have told someone they can't come up for an Aliyah to the Torah if they haven't been called. Tags:
The Recommended Content Widget will appear here on the published site.
Leave a Reply. |
Why do you trust somebody who says they smell a fire? She nose. You get it? She knows because she smelled the fire. We smell with our nose. She nose! “She knows what she nose.” Some puns you have to read. 
I always wondered why Costco had those chairs out… I could not fit him in the cart.
I do hope I didn’t wake him with my shopping. It’s a Chutzpah that they leave on the lights like that. 
David Kilimnick - Israel's "Father of Anglo Comedy" (JPost) is not touring with his Israel solidarity show. Bring David to your community, college campus, shul, home, to share laughs of Jewish unity... 585-738-9233 [email protected]
(Shemot 21:15, 17) Cursing one’s parents is punishable by death. So don’t drive behind your mom or dad when they get older. Old people drive slow. You’re allowed to beep your parents, as long as there is no curse behind the beep. And don’t work for your dad. It’s natural to curse anybody that makes you work. And don't help with chores around the house. That leads to cursing.
Categories
All
Archives
May 2025
|
Your Weekly Jewish Humor Magazine for a Gazunta Laugh about Life
We found
results for you
We've got nothin'!
RSS Feed
© 2021 Kibbitzer Magazine and JHF. All rights reserved.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
The Kibbitzer, where we take Jewish comedy seriously!!! If you are offended, it's satire.
A friend of the Off The Wall Comedy Theater, JHF and The Kibbitzer are here to bring unity and Jewish connection for you, in honor of Rabbi Kilimnick ZT"L.
The Kibbitzer is Funded by the JHF (The Jewish Humor Foundation) and you.
Contact us to make a donation and to sponsor Harbatzas Tzchok, the spreading of tradition through laughter, with articles or series in honor and memory of your loved ones.
7/28/2024
0 Comments