Sermons of Rebuke IV: Chayei Sarah and Thanksgiving

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
The shul Turkey Bowl will be next Shabbis. We ask you celebrate Thanksgiving with nonviolence, even though there’ll be food. It’s been violent in years past, due to only offering two turkeys. This year there’ll be four turkeys so that nobody runs over Fran or Ethel.

We ask everybody be nice to the losers in our shul. They’re lonely. They all sit together. The eighteen of them crowd around their table. Sitting there talking with each other and lonely.

We welcome the Bar Mitzvah kid’s family. Though you are guests and we're happy to have you, we will not feed you or your animals. It’s getting too expensive. Ask your brother-in-law to put out some money for once. The guy hasn’t sponsored a Kiddish.

We want to apologize for any Shidduch ideas given to you by Chaya Tova. We know they are bad.

Contemporary Halacha Classes: Attacking a Turkey Violently with Mendel Baruch. How to Be a Loser like our Members. Bad Shidduch Ideas with Chaya Tova.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
She lived one life... I know it says Chayei... Maybe it should've said "Chay Sarah." But it didn't. And you would've asked if she is still living...
Eliezer is sent to find a wife for Yitzchak. Avraham doesn’t trust any Shadchan. Avraham would’ve never sent Chaya Tova out there. She’s a Yenta and she has the worst ides for Shidduchs. Which is why Noach is still single...

(Bereishit 24:14) In his prayer to Gd to help him find a wife real quickly for Yitzchak, Eliezer says, “And the girl that I tell, ‘Please give me your pitcher and I will drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink and I will also give your camels water,' she is proven for your servant Yitzchak. And by her, I will know that you did kindness (Chesed) with my master.”
He based the proper wife on Midot. Positive attributes in actions. He could've said, "If she says, 'No. You get the water,' I will know that she is a daughter of Howard Felsenberg...
Eliezer didn’t want to work hard. That’s why it’s a great act of Chesed. He wanted it done quickly. First girl that says I’ll help. 
Right when I got to Beis Knesses Anshei Emes uSefilah, I knew nobody would help with a Minyin. I realized that right away. It was a Chesed from H' that I knew to never expect anything from our congregants...

It is a Chesed to find somebody a wife that is good for them. Not somebody Chaya Tova suggests... I know this, because the Shidduchs that Chaya Tova does are not Chesed. Worst ideas... Good and decent people Chaya Tova. Not people who are desperate and not good looking...
It was kindness. Something the Shadchans in our community don’t do. Simcha and Noach have never said, “Thank you Faigel for setting us up with the girl nobody likes.”

Rashi teaches that “she will be proven (shown)” means that she is “one who does acts of kindness, and she is worthy to enter into the house of Avraham.” People who don’t do kindness are not welcome. Which is why I always say the board members and the president are not welcome in our shul... I know they claim that they run it...
What makes somebody fit to be part of Avraham’s family? Giving. Kindness. And Kindness to animals.
To be fit for our shul, you have to want to eat as much as you can at Kiddish, and to ensure that others will not get Kugel. You take and make sure you have. Then you don’t offer others.
Girls are not like this nowadays... Nowadays, you have to draw the water and cook for yourself. Not fit for Avraham’s family...
​
You offer food. Even to Bar Mitzvah kids’ families. Have you seen how bad the catering is?! They invite them for the weekend, to a Simcha, and don't feed them. They ask you to the host their family and then you have to feed their family...
Bad catering would not have been in Avraham’s family. They served tongue.
Eliezer made sure they had good food...
They’re guests in our shul. You let them get to the Kiddish first... Animal food is crazy expensive. That's why we don't serve it at Kiddish. We would have dogs elbowing each other to get to the treats.

Kindness of H', kindness of Eliezer, kindness of Rivka. That is what makes for good family and guests that we don't have to take care of... They're your guests Baruch... Then drop off food baskets before the event...

The Tukey Bowl is not a physical activity. Our congregants would not participate in anything that might be deemed healthy. It’s a big bowl a turkey cooked in for Shabbat Kiddish. If you eat free food, you’re worthy to enter into our community.
Rivka was a giver. She would've let other people take turkey first. She would've served them... She wasn't cheap. She couldn’t give Coke. They didn’t have Coca-Cola three thousand years ago.
Rivka would've shared the turkey...

It’s hard to tell who the losers are. But they’re part of the community. They are still nice. They are losers and nice... That one is smug. A smug loser. You don’t have to be nice to her. Mocking everybody with her loserness...
I understand they have more friends than you, Shlomo. You're not a loser. You just have no personality...

Pets are not allowed at Kiddish anymore... I don’’t think Eliezer was praying for a girl that would bring her cat to Kiddish.
It’s about being a giver. That’s what Avraham’s family represented. Thinking about others. Not like the board...

Work on better Shidduch ideas. When setting up somebody you care about, think “who would not fit into our congregation.” That is a good a person that a family would want...

(Bereishit 24:22) Of course he gave her a gold nose ring. What girl would want to marry a guy without money and nose rings?!... Nobody in our congregation gives anything. Not even their dues...

Rivka's Rundown
​The girls in our community are not happy with the guy options either. The worst Shidduch ideas. Never trust Chaya Tova. One time she set up Noach. Killed her reputation with the girls.

Many congregants said that Rivka only gave water because it was free. At least she shared it.
The people in our shul like to take stuff. They never give. I’ve never been offered even water. I fainted once and somebody else took the water.
Only time they gave money was at the raffle. They were hoping to take the prize.

The rabbi went off on women not helping around the house... He seems to be very against the feminist movement

It's a Chutzpah. They invite their family for the Shabbis of the Bar Mitzvah, to my house.
It's a bit crazy when they’re hosting the Bar Mitzvah and half of their cousins are staying at my house. And I have to feed them.
The Fleishmann family truly expects me to be righteous. They figure that as long as there are righteous people in the community, they don't have to do anything.

The Turkey Bowl brings people to shul, to eat. Like every Shabbis. Free food. The one thing I don't understand is that the turkey bowl is a plain pot.

The losers have more friends than me. The Dungeons and Dragons players are the cool people. The losers are hanging out with people, partying. Having conversation. The losers are the cool guys.
Nasty losers who rag on everybody. how does that work? Maybe it's because they have the friends to back them. 
I feel like the non-losers need friends. They're sitting there, looking all hip, with a guy that comes for a "what's up" every five minutes. Then they're stuck standing there with a hand in the pocket and one holding a drink, staring out to nowhere, like a JC Penney ad.