Sermons of Rebuke IV: Bo

by Rivka Schwartz

Announcements
The rabbi banned watching HGTV. Home renovation TV shows are now forbidden. Too many congregants are renovating their homes and not paying dues.
The rabbi says you can make a home look Jewish, even if it's not an open concept. The rabbi forbids open concept living. To quote the rabbi: “The only open concept Jews are allowed to work with is in the wilderness.”

We want to wish a Mazel Tov to Yitzi’s mom. Best Anim Zemirot ever. Your son is a future Chazin. He is so much better than the other kids. Seeing Yitzi perform makes the Bar Mitzvah boys look like toddlers.

There will be Layning lessons for kids over Bar Mitzvahed. Now that Yitzi is leading Anim Zemirot, it’s about time the fifteen-year-old, Mordy, learns to read the Torah.

Contemporary Halacha Classes: How to Renovate Your House Like a Jew and Clean For Pesach. How to Grow Up and Move Past Leading Adon Olam At Fifteen. Mastering Not Being an Eight-Year-Old, When You Are Fifteen.

Rabbi Mendelchem's Drasha Excerpts
Shabbat Shalom My Pupils...
(Shemot 10:9) With the young and the old Moshe and Aharon want to take everybody to pray to H’. Including kids. That is what our congregants do. Make a lot of noise during Davening and have their kids run around.
Paroh sees the problem. Because he has Kavanah when he prays... Moshe wanted the kids to pray properly and sacrifice right. He wanted them to join in the service to H' and keep quiet. Not like Moishie. And why is Moishie in for the sermon?!... Moshe would've kicked out Moishie for the sermon.

(Shemot 10:24) After the plague of darkness, Paroh says that the kids can go and pray with them. “Only flock and cattle shall remain behind”... Kids get scared in the dark. Paroh didn’t want them around anymore.
The new window renovations have added a plague of darkness to our sanctuary. That's what watching HGTV does...

(Shemot 10:25-26) Moshe tells Paroh that the offerings come too. The people and the offerings. “And our livestock will also go with us,”
Yous serve H’ with everything. You serve H’ with all you have, including livestock. But you keep kids out of shul... Because they add nothing. Absolutely nothing. And you pay your dues. Your dues are part of everything...
And they even asked for vessels of silver and gold from the Egyptians (Shemot 11:3). When it comes to serving Gd, it’s everything. Which makes me ask why we are still using plastic utensils at Kiddish... The environment is important to H' too...

You serve H’ with your home... Not an open concept. Your home looks like a plague hit. From one room, you can see the mess of the whole house...
No more renovations. Focus on your home being tidy and clean. No more renovations. Open concept is Asur... It’s not Tzanua. You need closed rooms... Hachnasat Orchin, having guests is important. A closed concept and an open home...
The Beit HaMikdash had chambers. Closed concept... There goes Bernie again. It would be great if the shul had a closed concept to members.
You want to renovate? Give money to the Beit Midrash... Here’s a home renovation for the Finkelmans. Sefarim. Jewish books. A Jewish concept. Maybe make your house look a little Jewish... Buy Sefarim for the Beit Midrash. Learn about Mitzvot, not open concepts...

Modern means no personality. Not Jewish.
No Merv, Max or Bernie in your house. The shul needs a modern makeover of that sort... Yes. You out of the shul, Bernie... You don’t get a discount on dues. This isn’t taxes...
And shul renovations stop now. It is too much. A waste of money... No open concept in the shul. It’s a Mechitzah. It has to be there...
Pesach cleaning. That is renovations. Getting the dirt off the floor. Scrubbing a bit.

Is Moishie still sitting here?!... Why has nobody moved Moishie?! He has parents... I think they would've been Eruv Rav.

What do the kids in our shul add??? Other than Yitzi. Love that kid. The way he bangs the table. A star.
You serve H’ with how you pray. And we want decent kids leading services. Moshe didn’t have messed up kids leading Anim Zemirot.
Yitzi is so much better than all of your other kids in this shul... Yes. Esther. Yitzi is so much better than your son... And your son is fifteen.

Can we get Yitzi up here... Moshe would've had Yitzi singing along with the services.
Yitzi. You are our new Anim Zemiort kid. First time, and you didn't ruin it... You didn't have to hit it out of the park. After hearing some of the other kids in our shul, you just had to not ruin the prayer for us...
Fast and loud. When you reach Bar Mitzvah, we're firing the Chazin.
And you outshined the kid you were doing it with.
He just has it. Finally, a decent Anim Zemirot leader...

May we all share in redemption. A redemption where we have a decent Chazin and Mordy doesn't lead in Anim Zemirot. A redemption where the sisterhood doesn't do any renovations on the shul... A redemption with beautiful singing with a closed concept to harmony by our congregants. Amen!

Rivka's Rundown
Truth is the parents let the kids do whatever they want in the shul. The rabbi is right. They probably would've left our youth in Egypt.
The fact that Moishie was in the sermon sitting on the Bima the whole sermon was normal for our congregants.

The rabbi telling everybody the environment is important had many of our members questioning their childhood, and if Sukkot and Pesach with thirty guests was allowed according to Jewish law, with the caused plastic utensil landfill.

After the sermon, congregants wrote letters of protest to HGTV. Many said they were anti-Semites because their renovations are too expensive. One congregant told them that not one renovation included a Shabbis Lichter (candelabra). Some even wrote their senators.

Some people went fully open concept. Had glass walls for bedrooms. Open concept has gone too far.
And they all want it to look new. Warmth. No warmth in any house. They get rid of everything beautiful in a house and make it modern. Which means white and not lived in. I think the goal is germ free. For everything to look like a hospital. That’s modern.
And they are so excited. “Our house feels like the hospital surgical unit. No personality. Perfectly reflects us.”
And HGTV is so happy to take all the personality out. That’s what they do as designers. One of them saw a hospital and said, "We should have scalpels in every home." Hence, they have utensil drawers in the kitchen.
Love how the rabbi equated Yitziat Mitzrayim and the desert with open concept, telling everybody that nobody liked the Jewish concept of living in the wilderness.
If people had cleaner homes, they would look good. If our members mowed their lawns. Instead, they want to just break it all down.

The rabbi went off on how great Yitzi is for a good half hour. More correctly, he let all the other kids know they’re not as good as Yitzi. And how their parents’ renovations are only there in hopes that their children will leave the house.
Yitzi truly is good. He's already banging on the table and tapping his feet. Other kids stopped showing up. They can’t compete.

I think those classes for the pathetic fifteen-year-olds still leading in Anim Zemirot were for Mordy.
When you're fifteen, learn how to lead regular services. I agree. It's pathetic. It's messed up. They get stuck mastering Anim Zemirot and they want to do it for the rest of their lives. Bernie still jumps up for Anim Zemirot every once in a while. He's ninety something. Still can't Layn.

The Chazin started looking for a new job after the sermon. He saw how good Yitzi was with his foot tapping.