Rambam: Yesodei HaTorah 3:9-11

by Rabbi David

Laws of Foundations of Torah... All plagiarized from the Rambam

Laws 9-11: You think you know about the moon. The moon knows about you.

Law 9: Last thing to know about the planets is they are smart. So, planet shaming has to stop.
The spheres and stars have life to them. "They have souls, knowledge and intellect." They know Gd and they praise Him. And then we have to deal with a Chazin leading us in services, who hasn't talked to Gd one day in his life. 
They praise and glorify H' like the angels, according to their size and level. I have no idea exactly what this means, because I am not a planet. And I only made it to intermediate swimmers. The explanation seemingly given (in Peirush) is that they are constantly moving. In a sense, dancing. I’ll say, it is this dancing that allows them to praise H.’ And this is why Chasidim remind me of spheres. Plus, they dance in circles. 
I for one cannot say that the way the members of my shul walk around is actual dancing. What I saw on Simchat Torah was very out of shape people putting their arms on the person in front of them to brace themselves, in order not to fall. I did not see dancing or anything that resembled a prayer to H'. I did see people hoping their out of shape spouse doesn't get hurt.
So the planets are closer to Gd than us, and that should help you feel insignificant. I hope that inspires you. And their knowledge is greater than that of man. Which is why you never hear of a planet sharing a dumb idea in shul. You also don't see any of them on a committee.
To note, Peirush is a great name for a Peirush.

Laws 10-11: Gd created a type of matter that is not physical. When mixed with this matter, fire, wind, water and earth become what they are. Which is fire, wind, water and earth. Which is why I still have no idea what this matter is.
Unlike the spheres, fire, air, water and earth don't have a soul or knowledge, as they have predetermined movements, kind of like my math teacher who never smiled. 
Does this matter? Well yes. The matter does matter. Matter matters very much.
They have their ways, but they don't control them. They're not smart like the planets who are right now figuring out the cure for cancer.
We praise Gd for these forms of matter and what they produce, such as fire, snow and hail, as it is a constant reminder of Gd's might in this world. And they will ruin your home. They may not praise Gd, but they bring praise to Gd, especially on Lag BOmer, when you get a nice campfire and Kumzits singalong going. 
Don't feel bad for fire, air, water and earth. They don't know they don't have souls. Which is why I don't feel bad for that girl I broke up with years ago. Exactly. She has no soul.
They know not what they do. So, they are not chasing you. And this is why they are still fire, air, water and earth. If they had knowledge, they would've put together an insurance scheme.

Lessons: When you're learning laws, they are not always laws.
People who have a soul should take up expressive dance.
Respect the earth and recycle. Do what you can to protect the ozone layer. Move as much as you can, in praise of H,’ but do not use a car. Kills the atmosphere. And this is why religious Jews walk fast and are constantly running to do Mitzvot. It has nothing to do with not being able to afford a car.
I wasted all that time in school, reading those textbooks on geology the teacher gave me, when Saturn is so much smarter than her. And then I wasted time in chemistry. And astronomy. None of those books bring up the soul. Next time I take up science, I am going to stick to the Rambam. Science is spiritual.
Whenever you're down, just know the stars know a lot more than you. And that is science.