Purim Shpiel Ideas

by David Kilimnick

A true Purim Shpiel should look like Jews acting out Shakespeare.

For centuries, shuls have been trying to make their Purim Shpiels funny, to no avail. Performed at the Purim meal, best in live theater form, many may be inebriated, and yet to no avail. Throughout the ages there have been many failed shpiels. Especially the one back in Troyes, France in 1098, where they made fun of Rashi and how he comments on everything.
The issue has always been that they're not offensive enough.
I'm here to help you with some Shpiel ideas to tailor fit to your community. This is the one time of year to pull out your best Don Rickles and share some good laughs that will offend people. If you’re worried about Lashon hara, be general, everybody will still know who you’re talking about. The guy that takes all the meat from the choolante, the one who hocks up a cough at Musaf, the one who thinks they should be the one leading Davening. It's Pinny and Shmuel Baruch Felsenblum. We all know they should not be up there singing. When you do the sketch of the Jews who show up for Kiddish, showing them leaving home at 12pm for the 8:30am service, to be on time, they will know it’s the Kimplowitz family. Great scene, which should be in every Purim Shpiel.
Always start with something you know will work and draw the laughs, and that is making fun of the rabbi. Don't do the acting out of Megilat Esther. Nobody gets Achashveirosh's voice right. Never seen a convincing Xerxes.
Here are some ideas to help you get started on your shtick:

The Rabbi
Anything you do about the rabbi will get a huge laugh. Just pretend you’re giving a sermon in the rabbi's voice and everybody will love it. As you sermonize, use highfalutin English words like “firmament,” so that nobody understands. And then utter some nonsense and say "blah blah wha wha wha..." As long as your disdain for the rabbi is apparent, everybody will love it.
The rabbi has been there for every family event of yours, every lifecycle event. He’s laughed with you. He’s cried with you. He cares about you. Make fun of him.
 
The Baby Carriages
This year, the amount of baby carriages has surpassed the amount of people in the shul. How this has happened, I have no idea. It’s clear that people who have baby carriages think they can put them anywhere.
The Shpiel: Just have somebody trying to walk into the shul. They can’t. It’s impossible. The parents decided to leave the carriages at the entrance of the shul. No need to bring the props. They are in the shul already. Some of the people that came to the Purim Seudah meal still can’t get through the doors.
For this scene, bring everybody to the entrance of the shul and try to walk through the doors. No need for acting. Your frustration will naturally take over, as you trip, fall and throw baby carriages at the coatroom. Slapstick at its best is always performed angry.
 
Kids Running in The Hall
This is your chance to mock the new kind of parenting, where they let the kids raise themselves and interrupt the services. Dad claims, “It’s her decision. She’s already three.”
The Shpiel: In the middle of shul, the dad says to his child, “Are you sure you want to interrupt the services?” The child yells, “Yes.” And guess what, the services are interrupted. The dad insists there’s nothing he can do, as he gives the young one a lollipop and the right to make their own choices. And this is why she got Bat Mitzvahed at the age of four.
This leads to the Shpiel of the kids running shul. Take any scene from Lord of the Flies and add parents who do nothing, you have your Shpiel. Parents are stranded with the kids. The parents just sit there and let them kill each other. And you have your modern parents of your congregation.
 
The Yom Kippur Appeal
Everybody flipped the cards, but the shul did not see the money. How? Let's talk about all the people who haven’t paid their dues.
The Shpiel: We see everybody flipping the money on the cards, claiming they will donate that to the shul. Show the least wealthy people flipping over the $18,000 donation. We see their friend reminding them that they haven’t paid their dues yet. Time for the perfect Jewish joke: He responds, “So, nu? If I don’t give this donation, is it a bad ting?”
You then pull out the list of people who still haven’t paid their dues. This will get everybody moving. Comedy is always easiest when familiar; when people are able to say “that’s so true.” Everybody will be on the floor when they are able to say, “That's so true. The Yitzhakys and the Minkovitzs never pay their dues.”
 
The Kiddush Table
Fran is standing right in front of the choolante. She won’t move. Just show her standing there and other people trying to get through. Comedy gold. The more oblivious she is, the better the scene.
Remember, every scene should have frustrated people getting angry. Humor at its best.
A great addition to the scene is to have a huge guy come and throw Fran away from the table, knocking her down, and then piledriving her. Security should then come and join in the beating of Fran, who is eighty-five years old. At that point, he calmly goes for his choolante.
 
Impersonate Anybody
It will get a laugh.
The impersonation technique in shuls has always been best used when saying the name of the person. It’s hard to know that you’re impersonating Bernie from the third row, who sits next to Frank and Max. Everybody in Memphis has the same accent. Doing a Southern accent won’t help. Neither will doing a Yiddish accent. The Southern Yiddish accent is ubiquitous. Say, “I’m Bernie, Max,” and everybody will be on the floor. Once you say it’s Bernie, everybody will be able to respond, “Yeah. That’s Bernie. He sits next to Max. So true. That’s so Bernie. Saying his name while impersonating him truly hits the funny bone. Great parody.” Then you can get back to making fun of the rabbi who officiated Bernie’s wedding, while helping you and your spouse work through your divorce.
For a real crowd pleaser, remember to impersonate the rabbi. Remember, any time you make fun of the rabbi, it will get a laugh. Do the rabbi saying “Oy” and the crowd is back on your side. If people are personally offended, if you make fun of the rabbi, they will love you once again. Anything about the rabbi and anything involving a Yiddish style accent are Jewish community comedy gold. Truth is you could do a whole Shpiel raising your hands in Jewish Why form, saying “Oy,” and the audience will be on the floor.
 
Purim is a chance for you to get out your anger. The best way to express anger is to make fun of people. Otherwise, it’s straight-out offensive. Remember, if you run your Shpiel right, nobody will want to talk to you for a good couple months.
And never do song form Shpiel. As expressed in introduction, people in your shul do not know how to sing.  The Grammen NayNayNay part is spiritual, but it kills the laughs when Mrs. Simchovitz goes off on her harmony, or whatever other song she's singing the high part of.