Pesach List- Cleaning Stuff

by David Kilimnick

Spent six-thousand dollars on food so far. Now I need to pick up cleaning products and dishware. Forgot about that. I was assuming that dishware came with the three-hundred-dollar brisket.
Here is my list of stuff I will need to get to ensure the home is Pesahdik. With notes I took down, to keep me focused on the goal of worrying more. Again. I didn't think of the dishes. Nor did I think I would have to clean.
Before going on, throw out everything and get a new carpet. And make sure I sold all the Chametz, so I don't have to clean.
Remember to clean more.
 
Cleaning Products
You need to get cleaning stuff for the kids to clean. They teach that it's a Mitzvah to clean for Pesach. Which is why you send the kids to Jewish day school.
Going to a hotel, you still need to clean. So, buy the cleaning stuff. The hotel housekeeping cleaned the room for you. Which means you have to clean.

Every cleaning shpritz. Buy it Tile cleaner shpritz. Stove cleaner shpritz. Stove and tile cleaner shpritz. Everything cleaner shpritz that doesn't clean everything. Wood cleaner shpritz. Wood might have Chametz and it truly gets the tree to look shinier. Get the shpritz with the picture of the lemons. I like clean lemons.
Window cleaner shpritz. Just in case Chametz was spread on the windows by a chipmunk. Maybe it hibernated in the screen. Acorns are probably legumes.
Potpourri. I'm not sure. Might be Chametz. Now I have to throw that out. Remember to buy potpourri after Pesach, if I have funds.

Vacuum. A Kosher for Pesach one.
Dustbuster. Just in case the vacuum doesn't work. Or I might want to save energy by bending and going down on the floor to clean.
Brooms. Mop. Swiffer. I need a Swiffer to do what the broom, mop and vacuum do. There is a Swiffer, I need it. I washed the floor. I have to Swiff it. It's a cleaning product, and thus I must use it on Pesach. Swiffing is another fence around Chametz.

That's nine-hundred-dollars in cleaning products. And be sure to log a hundred-twenty hours in the cleaning of the living room. After I've quit my job, I can figure out the rest of the necessary cleaning.

Blowtorch. I will need a blowtorch to blow up the home, to make sure it's Pesahdik. Oven cleaner shpritz should work to remove some grease from the oven. Can't fully trust it. Though, it took off part of my finger last year. So, it is legitimate. Blowtorch the place.

Toothpaste. New tube.
Toothbrush. I have one. Buy more.
Baby wipes. That's what people use nowadays. After two days of Matzah, I will need to start using baby wipes. Got to keep clean on the Chag. 
Soap. Kosher for Pesach is better, just in case you get hungry.
Detergent. Again. Hashgachas are better. Alpine flavored Tide is not Kosher for Pesach. So don't eat that.
Kids might do the laundry, if you can convince them that cotton is a legume.
Make sure everything I buy is expensive. Cleaning products should be Kosher for Pesach, just in case I plan to eat the oven cleaner.

Bristle stuff. Anything with bristles. 
Sponges. Can't use them on the holiday, but I should buy them. Good to have them. 
Brushes. Brushes that work as sponges. Wait. those not sponge sponges. Whoever figured that out is amazing. Shabbat breeds invention.
 
Feather and spoon. That’s how you clean for Pesach. I need to get the feather and spoon. Forget all the sprays and vacuum stuff. And make sure the feather has a candle. Without a candle how are you supposed to see in a house. Buy the packet to be sure it’s Kosher for Pesach before I burn it. Blowtorch the feather and spoon.

Extra Notes
Forgot mayonnaise. Shoot. The horseradish is going to hurt.
Get Kosher for Pesach lettuce. Don’t get the nonKosher for Pesach one. Never buy Bodek again. I’m not that well to do.
And parsley. Need parsley. I wrote “every vegetable” on my list. But I don’t know if parsley falls into that.
Chocolate covered almonds. Do not forget those. The cake will not be very good. I will need to eat a lot of chocolate covered almonds. Why do I not eat chocolate covered almonds during the year? That is a good question. I'll ask that at the Seder.
 
Maxwell House Haggadah because that’s tradition. Do not buy Maxwell House coffee.

There is a lot more that was left out. I should be at around eight-thousand dollars right now.
After you pull your kids from Jewish day school, you should have enough to purchase the rest of what you need on your Pesach list. Like more tinfoil. 
Don't pull your kids out of school until they learned it's a Mitzvah to clean for Pesach.
 
Anything with Kosher of Pesach on it or a "P," buy it.
And make a trip to New York to pick up more stuff. It's Pesach. Gas prices are not the issue with the cost of Pesach food. I can't blame Iran for what Gefen and Manischewitz are charging for macaroons. 
New York will have something I didn't think was Kosher for Pesach, like tape. Buy it. It's Kosher for Pesach.

Buy another Blumenkrantz guide. And make sure to look at the OU and Star-K's guides to make it harder for myself. So, I can feel more religious. 
And clean more. I feel very religious when I'm burnt out. When I haven't slept.
And make sure I have enough tinfoil and tins. I don't think ShopRite has enough in stock.

Forgot the dishware. Shoot. I'm out of funds. I will get that stuff next year. And don't dust anything next year. Leave the dust. I've been sneezing for a month.

Note for after Pesach:
Make sure to buy back your Chametz and house at a loss.