Jews in the News: It's Mamdani's Fault

by David Kilimnick

Here is what I saw the past few months in the news.

For anybody who missed it. Antisemitism still exists.
Guy rams into 770 with his car. Some people are willing to do go way too far to get their dollar.

Israel laser missile defense program is shunned by the world. It makes it not fair when they shoot rockets at Israel. ​To quote, "People shoot missiles at Israel. Missiles cost a lot. It's a waste when they don't hit... And this is why we hate Jews." Turns out the world is very mad about this idea of Jews being safe. As are Spike Lee and Tyler Oliveira.

New electric water drip system in Israel is working. Baruch H'. No idea what it is. But it works. And it's good to know that. Happy we got that news. I will do what I can and not get involved.

Mayor of New York, Zohran Mamdani, is now doing press conferences on subways. He's already bankrupt city hall to the point that he has no office.
The mayor said, "It's better to meet on the subway. There are less rats here."
The people in the cart for the press conference were not very happy. They were trying to figure out if they got on the wrong train. Middle of the news conference, the woman in the back got up and asked Mamdani if the train was going to stop at Times Square. To which Mamdani said, "No. It's too dangerous. And the garbage hasn't been picked up." I'm not positive that all happened. But I think it did.
I think he's the only New Yorker that feels safe on the subways. He's not Jewish.

Jews are still against Jews and Israel, as it is a Jewish value to hate Jews.

Universities in Europe want to boycott Israel, again. They still can't get it right. Turns out they're not very good at not buying Israeli products.

Nothing positive about Jews was in the news. Even China is spreading propaganda about Jews. Not very happy about it, the CCP is doing what they can to make up for thousands of years of not knowing that Jews messed up their lives too.

Israel breaks the ceasefire by getting shot at.
New Media Definition of the Week: Breaking a Ceasefire- When they shoot at you.

Britain has new laws which don't allow you to share thoughts. So, if you're from England, please do not read any of this. You will get arrested. 

Apartheid Free Zones have been created in Hackney, Bristol, Sheffield, and Brighton. Apartheid free means that Jews are not allowed. Many of our readers may not know this, but the definition of apartheid is the presence of Jews in your neighborhood. Apartheid free also means not buying anything from Israel, because Jews live there with Arabs.
To make the people of the neighborhood feel comfortable they went around and knocked on Jewish doors, to let Jews know they suck. They were quite polite about it. Some even rang the bell. "Top of the morning to you. And you suck. And you are killing people right now. Enjoy your tea. You Earl Grey genociders."
They wanted to give Jews speeches about how they suck, and how they shouldn't be allowed to live. And they figured the proper way to do this is with a neighborly Jew hunt. They took down addresses of people who think Jews have the right to live in a country with people who don't want to kill them. In order to fight genocide.
Going from door to door, asking people if they're Jewish was met with some criticism by locals who made it clear that you don't have to ask people if they're Jewish. "You can just see if they have a Mezuzah." As the protector of our people went on, "You can just mark down the homes that have the Mezuzahs on them."
In many of the Chasidik neighborhoods the Jew hunters received a lot of Tzedakah. To quote one Chasid, "I've never seen a Mishulach without a Kippah. Usually, they knock on my door and ask for money. These people had a very long pitch. I just gave them the Gelt. It's a Mitzvah."
American Jews were angered by this episode, claiming, "It also happens to us. My address was taken down by the Jewish Federation. They won't stop harassing me."

Jews are still being attacked. Wanted to make that clear.

Iranians are being massacred by the Ayatollah. Nobody cares. It's Israeli propaganda to care about the murder of Iranians. Let's move on.

Miss Universe had a Miss Palestine, Nadeen Ayoub. She won the Miss Palestine preliminaries unanimously against herself. The contest had no other contestants, because Palestine does not exist. But she won that.
Nadeen married the son of murderer and terrorist Marwan Barghouti. And she named her son after the terrorist. Not important. It’s tough to name kids. You don’t want to get your father-in-law mad.
 
Video shows snowstorm in Gaza. Now Israelis are creating snow to kill more Gazans.
According to many news syndicates, Gaza is now located in the Himalayas. And Israel is still attacking them there, with snow.

Back to Iran. Mark is on our staff and he seems to care. To quote Mark, who's American, "The killings in Iran. That ruined my day." Mark feels for the Iranian people and he was not able to enjoy his workout. Mark wants it to be known that he showed solidarity. Mark is American and his day was thrown off. He did his part for the cause. And we at the Kibbitzer are with Mark. If anybody wants to hang out later, Mark is hoping to hit a nightclub to show solidarity.
Most Americans are against saving Iranian lives. As has been stated, "They didn't attack police at their rallies in LA. And it is wrong to not attack police. Last time we saw this was at the proIsrael rally. Shame!"

News syndicates take back news about Israel again. They finally get the news right the fifth time around.

Ceasefire resumes. This is the most violent ceasefire I have ever seen.

Tucker Carlson made a trip to Israel for his first pilgrimage ever, to the Ben Gurion Airport. He wanted to witness where Jesus flew out of.
Tucker did not make it to Jerusalem or the Jordan River. Tucker wants to make it clear that Nazareth and Bethlehem are also not important to the real Christians. What is important to the real Christians is Saudi Arabia. To quote Tucker Carlson, "Everybody knows that."
I hope I am not misrepresenting Tucker Carlson. We all feel bad that he was abused with questions. Nobody should ever have to witness such things at an airport. We at the Kibbitzer are angered by the episode and insist Israeli security stop asking people who packed their bags.

Muslims pray in New York City. That scares people. Islamic prayer has people on edge.

Some say seventy thousand have been killed in Iran by the Ayatollah's recent massacres. Because it's not Israel, Google has the number at seven thousand.
​Trump said he has the back of the Iranian people in their fight against the regime. Which means he has done nothing.
My understanding of the conversation. "We have your back. Don't stop. We won't let them kill you." "Where is this guy?! They are stabbing me right now!!!" "Keep at it. Don't give in." "I'm at the hospital and they just shot my doctor." "Don't worry. Keep strong. We're right here."
The rest of the conversation was. "Where the hell is America. They kidnapped my family and just cut off my hand and raped it." "If Trump doesn't come next week I'm converting to Islam." And that is how you bring loyal people to your faith.

Death toll numbers in Gaza still show no combatants. It is now clear, Israel killed sixty-thousand journalists.

Next week we will have a special Jews in the News focusing on the Olympics, Jews in sports, and how they have caused antisemitism by competing.
Our full report on Mamdani’s snow removal will come in our spring issue, when the snow melts. We want to give him a chance to get rid of the snow.
Our chief editor, Rachel, said we should just write, "Zohran Mamdani insists that you need two forms of identification and a social security card to shovel." She believes that nothing we write will be funnier than that. She also said we can add, "And he is asking Jews to shovel."