Mitzvah of Father's Day: Psaks by Rabbi David

by Rabbi David

My Talmedim want to know what they must do for Father's Day. What are they Chayav.
Chagim, holidays, are about happiness. How does one allow their father to enjoy the Chag. That is the Shayla. After much research into the Shaylas and Teshuvas of our sages, I've learned that the best way one can show appreciation of their Tatty, their father, is to not be there.
Stay away from your dad. That's what you're required. He wants to forget about you. That brings him happiness.
One day to not have to deal with you. That’s the Mitzvah of Father's Day. To let your dad forget he is your dad. Let him have a Sunday. One Sunday without you. One day of his life to have a chance to dream of how good life could've been. And that's how you practice the Mitzvah of Kibud Av vEim. You honor your parents by staying away from them. That brings them Nachis.
You could help around the house and cook, but there is no greater way to show your appreciation for your dad on Father's Day then to not be there. That will bring your father happiness. If you were able to help around the house by not being there, that would be the best way to fulfil the Mitzvah.
Here are ways to fulfill the Mitzvah of not being there.

Leave the house. Move out. That's a great way to help your dad celebrate. Move out and pay your own bills.
You don't even have to tell him. Just leave. A few months down the road, he might realize why he's so happy and relaxed, and why his heart condition has gotten better. Then he might think about you for a minute, get an anxiety attack, confirm you're not around, and then his heart rate will be back to normal.
When you do a Mitzvah, more Mitzvahs fall on your plate. Another Mitzvah, you fulfilled is Pikuach Nefesh. Saving a life. You saved your Tatty's life by him not having to see you.

Leave for the morning. At least give your Abba that. A morning where he can drink coffee and not question the bad decisions he made, and the dreams that have been killed by you.
Dad still loves you. He just doesn't want to have to see you when he wakes up. He wants a few minutes of joy, before the thought of you creeps into his mind.

You can go to the park. Just don't ask your Tatty to join you. Find a way to play catch with yourself. Bond with your dad by letting him relax without you. I heard one of my congregants express his greatest father son bonding time, "I was at the football game with my son. My son sat in a different section. I didn't see him till after the game. It was the only time I ever enjoyed being with that kid."

As long as you’re out of the house, it’s a Simcha. And mom and dad love you. 
Get out of the house. They invested half a million in your education to not have to see you. And now you're still there. Each moment you're there while dad is trying to enjoy a Netflix is an Aveirah.
Half a million. The least you can do is show your appreciation by hiding. It's Father's Day. Give him that.

Go on a Father's Day Cruise for your dad. He will be happy not seeing you. You take the cruise. Leave him at home without you. That will make him happy.
Will dad get mad you didn't get him the cruise tickets? No. As long as he doesn't have to see you. Let him know, "Dad. I got some tickets to the Bahamas for you. You won't have to see me for two weeks." A beautiful Father's Day gift.
If you're on a cruise and he can't reach you for a few days, all the better. He might think about you for a minute, hope you're OK. But he'll forget. Don't worry.

Barbecue. If you make the barbecue that's an extra Mitzvah. If you put up a nice juicy steak, Tatty will be happy. You set up the grill. You put up the steak. Put it out and let dad eat without you.
If it is a really good steak, your dad might want to see you, to ask you to get some chimichurri. But don't take any chances with ruining his Chag. If you're grilling him a hot dog, he will not want to see you. 
And make sure you pay for the barbecue. Using dad's money on his day is a holiday happiness killer. Your Tatty has now spent a half a million dollars and a ribeye on you. Again, you're the cause of his failing heart. Some rabbis have said that using dad's money causes as much stress as seeing you. 

Call your dad on Father's Day. Calling is allowed. Even suggested. Calling makes your parents happy, as it's proof you're not there. They love saying, "She's calling from Israel... My kids are so far away. Every time I get a call, it brings me such joy. A reminder they're somewhere else."
Distance makes a heart grow fonder. Imagine what never seeing you does for your relationship with your parents.
When your parent speaks of the Nachis you bring them, they're talking about the fact you're not around. "My kid is in college. They're spending a year in Israel. They're at sleepaway camp." No parent has ever said, "I'm Schepping so much Nachis. My kid wakes me up every morning." No Tatty has ever said, "We get to see our children every day. Such Nachis."

You can fulfill this Mitzvah at any age. Dad won't mind if you move out in the eighth grade. You're Bar Mitzvahed. You're a man. You can live on your own. There’s a reason we turn kids into men at thirteen. Exactly. To get them out of the house.
Notice for Children: If you're reading this and you haven't finished high school, you don't get sarcasm yet. Your parents love you. Stay at home, even if your parents have to see you. If you're a child, it's the law.

As the head of the household, I understand it’s hard to tell your kids you can’t stand them. I hope you dads appreciate what I'm doing for you. Happy Father's Day.
Tizku LMitzvot

***The Kibbitzer received a notice from some concerned parents. To quote, "Now our children think we don't love them and want them out of the house." In response, Rabbi David said he doesn't care.
Rabbi David did say that there are parents who do want to see their children when they're sick. To quote Rabbi David, "Your Abba wants to see you when he's very ill. When he's extremely sick and might die. He also wants to see you when you're mowing the lawn and cleaning the house. You can also stay around the house on Father's Day, Midirabbanan, if you're vacuuming or trimming the hedges. This way your Tatty will feel like he's getting a little return on his investment of five-hundred-thousand dollars. Though it's not enjoyable as seeing you not at the house, it does bring a little Hanna'ah."