Mamdani The...

Yeah. That's the name of the article. And now you're not happy, and you're too negative. You hear Mamdani and your day is ruined.
Don't let Mamdani bring you down. The cost of deli is way up. We don't need more problems in our community. We must see what Zohran Mamdani has done for our people in a positive way. Mamdani is good for the Jews. 
Let's take a stroll down memory lane to see some of what Mamdani has done his first half a year in office.
Before we get going, Rachel wants everybody to know that she believes it is best you skip this piece. She believes that all we need to write is, "Zohran Mamdani insists that you need two forms of identification and a social security card to shovel." She believes that nothing we write will be funnier than that.
Let's see if we can pull this and make Mamdani positive for you. 

Jews are getting blamed for everything. The subway system not running on time. Unplowed streets. People freezing to death because Mamdani said staying on the streets in freezing weather is a good idea. We have to credit for these things. They're not blaming us. They are crediting us.

A guy with a bomb showed up to a protest. He was screaming "Allahu Akbar." Mamdani made it clear that it had nothing to do with the guy being Muslim. That is a relief. And the Jews of New York can feel safer.
 
His wife is pro the October 7th Massacre. It's his wife. Not him. He has nothing to do with his wife. How many men even talk to their wives?! Wait. How many men want to talk to their wives?! If you were married to Rama, would you want to talk to her?!
Mamdani is pro-Israel. Which is why his wife likes posts which say "Jews get out of Israel. We hate you. You should die." We have to stop judging him.
Mamdani is not anti-Israel. He hates Jews. And he's very sincere about it. Is it not a Jewish moral to be honest.

Mamdani decided to clear snow for the city by having people shovel. One of his advisors brought up the idea of using plows. That was met with, "You idiot. You remove snow with shovels." To which the advisor asked, "Can we expect people to shovel? They don't have shovels." To which Mamdani said, "Yes." "How do you shovel without a shovel?" To which Mamdani replied, "With IDs."
Jews of New York were given the option to come out and help shovel. That was nice that he gave us a choice. And people are against communism?!
And not one Jew showed up to shovel. To quote Zalmy, "I have a bad back." To quote Bernie, "I have a bad back." To quote Shirley, "I have a bad back." I believe Chaim, Sarah Rivka and Ruchel said the same thing. And each one of them continued with, "I went outside and I felt a draft."
Point is, nobody blamed Jews for the dumb idea of shoveling. First time Jews haven't been blamed or credited for stupidity. Everybody knows Jews don’t do physical labor.
 
Mamdani has over Mahmoud Khalil, the guy who terrorized Jews at Columbia University. He did this to show he's against terrorism. I think. Somehow that was the message.
How can you combat terrorism if you’re not doing it.

Mamdani commissions Syrian monument near the Twin Towers memorial. This is done out of respect for those who were taken from us on September 11. He is taking some of the burden of hate from the Jews. He feels it is wrong to hate Jews so much, so he is putting himself out there. The guy is a martyr. 

On St. Patrick's Day he made it clear that there is a genocide against Palestinians. In Israel, we've been wondering who's perpetrating this genocide that we keep hearing about. Finally, we know. It's the Irish.

Mamdani refused to go to the Israel Day Parade. That at least gave the Jews something to celebrate.
He knew there would be American flags there and that offends him. 
Mamdani made it clear that he only supports countries that support rape and murder of their citizens. He knows Israel doesn’t do that, and thus he doesn't support Israel or America. He made it very clear. He only supports rape. Jews don’t support that.
Police commissioner Tisch said she’s going to be at the Israel Day Parade in NYC. Right in front of Mamdani. “I will support it. He won’t. I will... This guy is an idiot… He's going to fire me anyways. I'm Jewish. My name is Tisch. The jig is up. Might as well go."
 
Early July, it’s too hot. So, for the sake of the workers, Mamdani asks all employers to keep the air-conditioning at 78 degrees for the power grid. Jews love the Shvitz.
We will not lie. At the Kibbitzer, the air-conditioning hasn't been working this summer. Nonetheless, when we set it to 78, the room keeps at a steady 78 degrees. 
 
To celebrate July 4th and the 250th Anniversary of America Mamdani let everybody know how much he hates America. To quote, "I hate America almost as much as I hate Jews."
He had a group of people standing by him in the video. All of who were questionably American, wearing native Hindu garb. I say this, because every one of them had a straight face. They were from the Far East and not of them understood what he was saying. They speak English. They were just dumbfounded by his stupidity.
He didn't have any Jews standing behind him. We have enough antisemitism going on in New York as it is. We don't need ICE coming for us too.

He says “Free Palestine” and calls Jews Nazis in support of Israel. The Nazis, Yimach Shimam vZohran, never accepted Jews into their ranks. So, in a way, Mamdani is pro-Israel.
With a straight face he said Israel is committing war crimes. He only said this in support of the Jews of New York. To keep them safe. To quote, "All people of New York should be safe. And Jews are mass murderers."
 
Democrats have voted “we hate Jews.” That’s their platform this election. Everybody needs a platform, and our people are on the ticket.
Mamdani’s campaign of “we hate Jews" was greatly successful in bringing on city councilmen. Jews voted “Yes. We hate Jews too."
We're trying very hard to make this positive. 
 
Katz’s Deli bans Mamdani. Amazing. Love it. Hit them where it hurts. No pastrami on rye. That’s how you get them.
Oy. That felt good.
Bans are so fun. Without Mamdani, who would we be banning from Katz's.

He left Little Italy off the map of New York. He thought nobody would notice. It turns out, the Italians noticed. 
​He left off Little Israel too. Nobody said anything about that. He already left Israel off the globe. Many Jews didn't understand the complaint about not having Little Israel. To quote, "Brooklyn is there."
He left out Boro Park, Williamsburg, the diamond district. Jews are happy about that. We don't need him giving out a map of where they can attack us. 
He did have Little Palestine. We were all questioning what this Palestine thing is that everybody is talking about. Where it exists. Turns out, it's a country in Brooklyn. 
​Now this all makes sense. All of Mamdani is focusing on “Palestine” because it’s in New York. When they say “from the river” they’re talking about the East River. And we must move on from that joke.

He said he's going to arrest Bibi. Haaretz is happy about that.
Mike Huckabee’s statement: “Would be easy to say NY Mayor is just an ignorant bigot, but he is not dumb. He's an evil anti-Semite who deliberately lies about serious things like 'genocide' to stoke Jew hate. If anyone should be arrested, it's the Mayor of NY for incitement. NYC should be ashamed.” Without Mamdani, people would feel bad about hating us. Now the people of New York can feel shame. And who loves feeling shame more than Jews.
 
You can finally say, "Shut up Jew." You can go down the streets yelling, "Baby killers!!! Genociders!!!"  And you can feel good about telling a Jew to "Shut the F up." Nobody has ever spoken out for the anti-Semites. What about them. They're a people too. And Mamdani is for all New Yorkers. All the minorities.
 
He ran away from a proNYPD even, escorted by eighty cops. Turn out he's not defunding the police. People think they’re not seeing police around is because he’s defunding them. No. He’s taken them for himself. Precinct Mamdani. Point is we have to stop blaming him for what he is doing.

He wants to go to September 11 memorial ceremony. He likes being where people hate him. He might even show up to the Israel Day Parade next year.

Pied-à-terre tax. No idea what that means. It’s amazing how we have to use French when we have no English word to describe a dumb idea. We’re going to tax people for not being around too. It takes the French to come up with that. He didn't use Hebrew. We don't need to be blamed for more stuff.
If he gave us credit for raising taxes, would it be that bad. 

Raising taxes on landlords. You know what that means. Jews are moving to Israel. He is the greatest promoter of Aliyah. And to have the Chutzpah to say he doesn’t like Israel.

Wait. Another shul was attacked. Now we know where they are attacking us. And we know now who wants to kill us.
Mamdani has lived up to his campaign promises.

In just a half a year, he has accomplished so much. How many people could ruin a city that fast.
And with all his work, he still found time to pay attention to Jews, and to give us credit for stuff.
Now that you all feel better about Zohran Mamdani, we are moving the Kibbitzer to the south.